Bullying not being seen by teachers

[Trepid]

DS is in year 4 and is being bullied, but his bully is very crafty and is never caught so the school can't do anything. I understand that, but DS's behaviour has suffered badly to the extent social services are now involved. I'm not excusing ds's behaviour, but the root cause is this other boy. What can I do? How can I equip DS to deal with the situation?

[oompaloompaland]

I sympathise. Can you move schools? We suffered from "hidden" bullying - by a "butter wouldn't melt" child in Y4 who made my DC's life a misery. In the end we moved her to a new school and now she's a different child, happy and confident. Our old school literally refused to believe that the perpetrator would possibly act in the way they were, which makes my blood boil, even two years on. I hope the situation resolves itself for you.

[Trepid]

Thank you.... I haven't looked in to moving schools. I'm not sure how it would work as all the schools here are massively over subscribed. Thankfully ds's school work hasn't suffered, but his behaviour is all over the place. In his immature head he thought that if he made friends with this boy the roughness and hitting would end, but that boy has persuaded ds to do some really bad things. DS knows these things are wrong but ds didn't feel he could refuse to do them as this bully would see this as weakness and pick on him further.

[NynaevesSister]

I think that a move away from this lad would be the best thing you can do. Although schools are oversubscribed at admission times, as people move places in various years further up become available.

You need to go to the website for your local authority and see what the procedure is for applying for an in-year admission. The council will be able to tell you which schools have vacancies, but you can also call schools yourself. If there are no vacancies you can go on the waiting list.

[Lymmmummy]

Agree - if possible a move would help

Could be a range of issues - other boy is crafty or manipulative - I once had a situation where DS was not so much being bullied but more led astray a bit by another child - being honest it was partly my DS own doing as he liked this boy and I think was attracted by the naughtiness of him - but then DS felt a bit overwhelmed when things escalated and the boy was being v naughty to him - which I think the other boy did because he was a bit jealous that my DS had lots of other friends and this boy did not

I felt his class teacher was poor in her response so in the end I involved the head and I insisted boys were separated the following year. This has worked so far. I was told so many times that the boys were great friends and I was imagining or lying when I says my DS was becoming frightened around the lad - the teachers just did not want to acknowledge it at all - it was not so much hidden as teachers due not really want to explore the issue

My point is the situation maybe more complex and related to your sons relationship within the environment of his existing school and therefore maybe some benefit to removing him and putting an end to the toxic relationship

[PterodactylToenails]

I feel for you. My DS was and still is at times bullied by a boy in his class. I was also told I was also imagining it, even though the boy had cornered my son on the staircase and repeatably kicked him and kept on stealing DS belongings. I asked various times for my son not to be sat next to the boy in class and yet I was just ignored. I was also told it was not bullying because it wasn't happening daily (according to them). I feel it is a shame that the victim of bullying has to move schools or moved in class away from their peers. Teachers should nip it in the bud!

[Lymmmummy]

Toenails - sorry to hear your DC has suffered a similar experience

Agree it's not fair to punish the victim by pushing them into having to move school

• in my DS case he was in reception during this issue with the other boy and I was also fed up of the assumption it was his fault and he should have just known how to handle the situation - he was 4😄 The teachers handled it really badly but they expect a 4 year old to just "know" what to do - lol
  
  I think the point about moving schools for me is more that if a school cant or won't show willing to handle these issues appropriately it is probably an indication it is not a very good school. And that the problem will go on for the duration of the child's time at the school which could be damaging to child's self esteem etc