I'm already worrying about deferring just turned 1 DS

(51 Posts)
Shantotto Thu 28-Jul-16 10:58:23

Can some talk some sense into me?! It's playing on our minds already as we are about to move out of London. Either Manchestwr or Scotland.

Now I like the ideal of starting school a little later as normal in Scotland. In Manchester, I'd have to fight to defer a year into reception, and even if that's given the ok, have to reapply for a place the following year I might not get!

Obviously I have no idea how 'ready' he will be, but I just do not want my son to start school at such a young age! If he was born a few weeks later he would have a whole extra year. I think school starting age of 5 is really young anyway, and as selfish as this sounds I feel like I am losing a year of us being together.

Does anyone have any thoughts / opinions : grips?

mrz Thu 28-Jul-16 11:15:13

Unless you have a crystal ball you really can't predict whether your child will be ready for school don't create problems to brood on for years

Shantotto Thu 28-Jul-16 11:31:37

Yes that's good advice, I'm having treatment for anxiety and unfortunately I can easily find things to fret over!

Barely 4 just seems so so young though! sad

Just to be clear it's not because I want him to be the oldest, or better or more clever which is why I'm thinking of doing it.

I had an awful time throughout school and I don't care if DS is top or bottom of the class as long as he is happy and can cope.

SpeakNoWords Thu 28-Jul-16 11:42:09

My DS is July born, and will be starting school this September at just turned 4. He's definitely ready to start. But there's no way to decide this when your child is still so young. When my DS was little I decided not to even think about it until he was 3 plus, the year before the application process. I was happy that I could either start him at 4, defer for a year or home ed if necessary, but I wasn't going to worry about deciding until I knew more about how he was developing.

mrz Thu 28-Jul-16 11:44:07

I've taught many children with late August birthdays who've been more than ready for school and early September birthdays who've struggled ...there is no way to predict at age 1 which category a child will be.

user1466690252 Thu 28-Jul-16 11:48:51

Yea unfortunatly you over over thinking this massivly. Where i am they start half days after their 3rd birthday, full days after their 4th. You can't tell the difference between the birthdays at all after 4 weeks in.

NewMoonCup Thu 28-Jul-16 11:51:19

My DD has just completed her first year in school and won't turn 5 till end of August. She was "due mid Sept" so in ideal world should have been in this years in take. She had a CM till 3yr then did a year in a nursery preschool but struggled socially abit so we ended up doing 2D preschool & 2D childminder. She has had an amazing teacher this year and academically done very well but struggled for first 6mths with the social interaction as I expected. But I wouldn't have deferred her as she was ready to go mentally even though they seem so little. I would wait and see, you can always apply for a place when he is 3 then wait right upto The summer and if you have concerns go and talk to the school before Sept and let them tell you how they help all the kids settle. This is my youngestDD so I had some experience but all the kids are SO different whatever age school has different challenges for all of them. My DD had a little boy in her class who was 6 but had a TA as he had lots of additional needs they all worked really well to support all the children regardless of ability.

chameleon43 Thu 28-Jul-16 12:52:07

you have to wait and see!

my dd is a July baby - she was totally ready to start school and after struggling with reading initially she was soon in the upper half of the class.

But- looking back with slightly cynical hindsight, if i'd deferred her, she would have always been the fastest kid on sportsday and would be facing the whole 11+ process with another year of life experience under her belt...

bojorojo Thu 28-Jul-16 13:27:59

You take the 11 plus at age 10 or 11. You do not get an extra year and you cannot alter a birth date! Otherwise it is the 12 plus!

Like others have said, just do not worry,OP. The best way to try and get a child ready for school is to introduce them to nursery education, take them to lots of places, get out in the world and give them a joy of learning. This could be puzzles, reading books to him, music and movement, toddler clubs - there is so much out there. Children who get to experience lots of different situations are often ready for school regardless of when they are born. As a mum of two summer borns, they went seemlessly into full-time education and enjoyed every minute. Really, you have no need to worry. Just enjoy him!

chameleon43 Thu 28-Jul-16 13:41:58

erm? She's a July baby - if we'd deferred she would have been the oldest in the year and would have taken the 11+ a whole year later than she now will!

she will sit the 11+ in September aged 10 and 2 months - she would have been 11 and 2 months had we deferred.

OddBoots Thu 28-Jul-16 13:46:44

Wait until closer to the time. If you do this you need to feel able to not only justify it to the authorities at the time of the deferral but also (if you choose to do a full deferral not just a delay) to your ds when he is a teenager and wants to know why he has been held back to a younger year.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall Thu 28-Jul-16 13:47:56

I think what bojorojo is saying is that children take the 11+ in the school year they turn 11, when they actually start school and what school year they are in is not relevant.

chameleon43 Thu 28-Jul-16 14:07:00

The schools near us do not specify that -they simply state the child will sit the exam in their year 6 year. If you've deferred initially then that does make sense - otherwise you'd be sitting an exam on the year 5 syllabus before you'd covered it.

mrz Thu 28-Jul-16 14:21:56

I think you will find that only applies to children being educated in year and not those who have deferred (the same applies to SATs)

PatriciaHolm Thu 28-Jul-16 14:48:06

Most, if not all, grammar tests specify the dates of birth for those who can take the test; for example, Kent say that the test this year is for those born between "1 September 2005 and 31st August 2006".

For a child to take it out of the prescribed age range requires special dispensation, which is rare for children who have simply been delayed through personal preference.

BackforGood Thu 28-Jul-16 14:55:32

My Sept born was so ready to start school a year before she was able (ie, a few days before she turned 4) - she'd been in a group at playgroup with all the pre-schoolers, and no-one could believe she had to wait another year. Lots of dc are ready at 4. Some dc aren't ready despite being Autumn Term born.
Yes, you can generalise that older dc in the year tend to be more 'school ready' , but that's all it is, a generalisation.
Certainly not enough to decide where you relocate your family to, on.

chameleon43 Thu 28-Jul-16 14:56:01

So kids who take up the much vaunted deferring reception option are automatically barred from sitting the 11+ unless they can be tutored to cover the year 5 syllabus ahead of time?

when I read the rules for our local grammar schools, I don't read it that there would be any need for special dispensation -it refers to kids sitting it when they are in year 6. (We don't live in Kent)

The point I was trying to make was that dd's primary years (and secondary transition) would have been far easier had she been one of the oldest in the year. She'd have sailed through it all and possibly been a more confident child as a result.

PatriciaHolm Thu 28-Jul-16 15:06:24

At the moment, chameleon,largely yes.

However, it's not been tested en masse as yet as there aren't that many out of year children requesting it, as until the last year or so deferring was very hard. It's not a given now of course and some areas are still very anti it, but there are clearly going to be more in the future so policies may have to become more flexible.

However, no one at this point can know.

Shantotto Thu 28-Jul-16 15:10:22

Thanks everyone! One of our plans was to spend a few years in Manchester and possibly head to Scotland anyway, as our families are there but then we thought of going straight to Scotland especially if he could start school later.

We just feel that school starting age is too young to start formal schooling anyway, especially as other countries start later with excellent results, and DS being so young just makes it seem even worse! He was a bit early and it really annoys me that if he has been a bit late he'd have a whole extra year of not having to go to school! And again, I'll be a SAHM for these early years and I feel like I'm also missing out an extra year of us being together.

Maybe my experiences are clouding my judgement.

Oddboots - never occurred to me he'd be annoyed with being kept behind when he got older!
Mi think I would definitely like to try and start at 5, and spend that missed reception year as people have suggested above, an almost home ed approach with lots of socialisation.

I am well aware this probably makes me sound like a lunatic thinking about it now. A friend pointed out today I'll hopefully have a second by then so I'll be more than happy to pick him off to school as soon as possible!

prettybird Thu 28-Jul-16 16:00:18

You can't defer a July born child in Scotland.

Only difference to England will be that instead of being one of the youngest, he will be towards the older end of the year, as the cut-off date in Scotland is 1 March.

The only deferred kids are and even that is optional January/February birthdays and to a much lesser extent November/December birthdays.

Your ds would start P1 the August after he starts 5, so in 4 years time. Prior to that he'd have the option of going to nursery.

Shantotto Thu 28-Jul-16 16:03:36

Yes, sorry I know we can't defer but he wouldn't be so young when he was required to start. I wasn't very clear on that point!

prettybird Thu 28-Jul-16 16:17:11

We also don't have reception here (and yes, I know reception isn't compulsory) but P1 is also a mixture of play based learning, socialisation and formal learning (at least it was at ds' school wink)

But nursery is usually only half days, so you need to factor more childcare (if you're both working) into your plans if you want to come back to Scotland before he starts school.

suit2845321oie Thu 28-Jul-16 18:15:57

Id think really car fully before considering deferring. What seems idea when they are nearly 4 is very different when they are 10 or 11 and facing puberty, hormones etc before most of the rest of their friends not to mention if he ends up having to miss a year of schooling to get back into the right age group. School at 4 is extremely gentle. Children on the continent aren't sitting at home with their mums they are still in kindergarten or whatever they call it. He's 1, think about it nearer the time

RavenQueen Thu 28-Jul-16 18:42:16

My daughter's birthday is at the very end of August, I surely don't think if I chose to defer her, she'd hit puberty any earlier than someone else who's birthday was 3 days after her?!?!

Owlytellsmesecrets Thu 28-Jul-16 18:53:07

My DS is 21st August and totally ready for school. We had a DS2 and a DD5 mths too by then. DS2 is disabled and needed extra care lots of hospital visits. DS wanted and need people of his own age and development as basically has two babies at home, we planned him a playmate but it didn't work out.
He is ahead at all stages now other than handwriting ( we are having his assesed for dyspraxia) aged 8 ( 9 in August)
DD is April baby and was ready too. Other DS went to special school nursery

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