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Son is devastated to be moving school

(17 Posts)
layla2016 Tue 12-Jul-16 19:45:06

Ds has just finished his reception year at a private school - from his point of view it was small and nurturing and he had loads of attention, only a few boys to get to know and loads of resources but from our point of view it was small and financially vulnerable, stifling socially and not worth the money.

He has a place at a large, vibrant and good local primary. He seemed quite happy about the ideal and liked it when we went round. He then did a taster morning and came out and promptly burst into tears because he prefers his school and he said some boys were mean to him and he didn't have anyone to play with etc.

He's just gone to bed tonight and started sobbing because he doesn't want to go to the new school and he's seems genuinely devastated to have left. He's terrified of starting the new school...I don't know what to say or do to make it easier for him and can see him worrying all summer. Going back is not an option - there's a good chance it'll close on the next 6 months anyway.

I can't even give him a decent reason that he understands as to why he has to leave - I'm having a little sob myself.

justlumpingalong Tue 12-Jul-16 20:13:32

Oh the poor love sad. But he will be OK you know - come half term, if not well before, it will be like he's been there all along. Is there any chance you could arrange a playdate or two with some children who will be in his new class?

TeenAndTween Tue 12-Jul-16 20:28:04

Can he start there now and do the last week of term to get to know pupils better to ease his worries? (doesn't sound like going would make them worse)

sparepantsandtoothbrush Tue 12-Jul-16 20:29:18

Do you know any of the parents at the new school? Maybe get together with some of them over the summer holidays so he's got a familiar face when he starts in September. The teacher may even be willing to pass on your number to other parents if you're happy for her to do so


SharonfromEON Tue 12-Jul-16 20:32:03

I was also going to say can you get extra transition days.. Otherwise he has 6 weeks of worrying about it.

Lottielou7 Tue 12-Jul-16 20:33:04

I moved my daughter to a state school recently after being in an all girls private school since the age of 4. We had one school close on us and at the new school it was socially stifling and too intense. She's been at the state school for nearly half a term and seems really happy. He may just take a little time to adjust to the bigger class size.

layla2016 Tue 12-Jul-16 20:38:28

We know 1 boy so will probably see him but ds has latched on to the fact he will be in his class and I think maybe he was playing with others on his taster day and got upset as he hoped this one boy would play with him all the time. Ds is very sensitive and so upset it's awful to see.

layla2016 Tue 12-Jul-16 20:46:05

Thanks for the comments. For various reasons he can't start till September. In retrospect it would have been better for him not to have a taster day and start fresh in September as he was excited up until he went there! I feel so bad that we got it wrong for him and now he has to suffer the consequences :-(

PosiePootlePerkins Tue 12-Jul-16 20:53:29

I think under the circumstances you just have to be really upbeat and positive (even though you don't feel that way on the inside!) If it were me I'd be saying things like 'you'll make lots of new friends' 'you're going to have loads of fun learning about....' 'Did you know your new school has ... (whatever exciting resources you can come up with!)'
Then try and get on with your summer without dwelling too much on it.
Easier said than done I know... Good luck

Lottielou7 Tue 12-Jul-16 21:18:39

It's not your fault. Honestly, being at a school that suddenly closed was one of the worst experiences I've had.

layla2016 Wed 13-Jul-16 05:38:14

Thank you. That's what I'm trying to avoid (if the school suddenly closes) - it's very much on a knife edge and we don't want to be part of the fall out. I'm really hoping he settles and doesn't worry all holiday.

Alwayssunnysideup Wed 13-Jul-16 22:51:31

Can he go back for another taster session so he has some positive memories for the summer? smile

smellyboot Thu 14-Jul-16 07:24:49

I'd also see if he can go in again before the end of term - they won't be doing much work, so maybe he can join is some fun stuff? I'd also explain his concerns to the teacher and they may be able to do an inclusive session with him. Could he go in for any end of term party days etc?
I suspect you are right that he 'friend' carried on as normal on the taster day and your DS felt left out. Still try and organise some playmates with that boy over summer. Do that and he may soon forget the day. Try and find out what holiday clubs etc the children tend to use too.
Long term you have made the right decision. He will benefit massively from a big vibrant school if he is slightly shy and sensitive as it builds their confidence and resilience. Don't torturre yourself

Donthate Thu 14-Jul-16 07:29:41

Poor thing. He will be fine. When he starts after the summer he will make lots of friends. Could you organise a play date with the boy you know over the summer?

2nds Thu 14-Jul-16 07:38:27

I wouldn't bother with making him go to the other school for the last few days, I don't see the point.

If I was you I would never bring the subject up and when he brings it up like another poster said I'd be upbeat and list all the great things about the new school.

WhattodoSue Thu 14-Jul-16 08:37:05

Do the parents have a Facebook page or is there a PTA class rep who has an email list of parents? If yes, send a message introducing yourself and your son and see if any of the parents are up for a play date over the summer. If you son knows someone he will surely feel happier about going into school in September. flowers

layla2016 Fri 15-Jul-16 20:09:08

Hi all, sorry only just realised there were a few more responses!

Ds can't go in again as we are away with family now and don't get home until after the end of term. When we get back I'm going to arrange some play dates with the few people that I know and take it from there. There are some Facebook pages and I've done the intros and there is talk of a play park day to get all the boys from that class together. He knows one or two of the boys a little and 1 fairly well. In a way I wish it was the end if the summer asap so he could just get on with it. I'm almost as nervous as he is!

He's not been in tears since and he's talked a bit more positively since that point so I'm hopeful. We've been really upbeat about it and I know it's for the best in the long term. The school he was at was dreadful in lots of ways and I actually hope it does shut down soon so I'll feel a lot better about the decision!

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