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Would you move your child due to clash with teacher?

(19 Posts)
whirlygirly Wed 29-Jun-16 23:03:42

For context, it's a tiny school, he's already had this particular teacher for 2 years and will have her another 2 years due to a pen unfortunately timed reshuffle. He's a young year 4.

She palpably loathes him, there's just a clash. He senses this (I've never told him!) and is resigned to it. It's become an utter stalemate and she was so rude to me today at collection that I feel the first need in 8 years to make a complaint. He's not thriving and believes he's stupid (he really isn't.) She has never had a good word to say about him but adores his sibling.

Dp is a teacher himself, so I get how tough it is. I have totally supported her with measures to help him knuckle down at school. He can definitely be silly, I don't have blinkers on there. I always back her up when talking to him at home and the cheeky behaviour is not tolerated at home, I'm quite strict.

However, he's also incredibly helpful and capable at home, very kind and funny, is very popular with other children and parents always comment on his lovely manners and behaviour if he's invited anywhere, as do holiday club.

Is this all just beyond repair? I feel like I'm punishing him every evening at the moment for what's happened in the school day and it's miserable all round. Am I best just moving him?

blaeberry Thu 30-Jun-16 00:47:10

I would stop punishing him in the evenings - let the school deal with school misdemeanours. If things are as bad as you feel, I would certainly look around at options

HerRoyalNotness Thu 30-Jun-16 01:06:28

Yes I would. He's had 2 years, it would be awful for him to have another 2z

My great regret is not moving DC1 from his kinder teacher. She ruined his first year of school.

markingthebench Thu 30-Jun-16 01:15:04

Yes, I had a teacher like this in primary school and can't praise my dear old mum enough for getting me out of there.

Another two years is a long, long time a little one's life.

(Disclaimer: I am perhaps a home educator by nature, and I took ds1 out of a perfectly good school where he was thriving academically, just because begged to get him out of there).

EarthboundMisfit Thu 30-Jun-16 01:15:06

I would given it's two more years.

markingthebench Thu 30-Jun-16 01:18:39

And yes to not punishing him in the evenings. If he has punched, bullied or otherwise hurt other children, then you have to step on this, but if has simply not been able concentrate in class then the school can deal with it.

Cjamm Thu 30-Jun-16 01:22:21

It's clearly not working, 2 years is way too long in a child's life, you've given it enough time. I'd move him

KipperTheFish Thu 30-Jun-16 01:42:01

I would too. I wish I'd insisted ds2 was moved out of his reception class into a different class. The difference in him when the teacher went off (sick) was incredible. And when she came back, it was back to the same old issues.

whirlygirly Thu 30-Jun-16 05:35:43

Thank you all. No, there's never been bullying, punching etc. He's won kindness awards a few times for the way he is with younger ones and a mum I barely knew approached me in the playground the other day to say how lovely he'd been with her dd.

It's concentration, sitting still on the carpet, giggling and being chippy (which I am also like, but give him hell for) yesterday she said he'd been messing about in play rehearsals with another boy she also complains about, but had given them the joint comedic role in the play hmm so she's threatening to take that off him.

I think him being still 8 when some dcs in the class have been 11 for a while only highlights his immaturity. He's behaving like a silly 8 year old whereas they are ready for secondary. The difference is vast.

I'll ring around a couple of schools today. 2 more years of this is going to crush us all.

hesterton Thu 30-Jun-16 05:46:20

We had exactly the same thing but 1 yr with her, another to come. 2 boys, 2 yrs apart. Small school. She adored our eldest but just didn't connect with younger and he got more and more unhappy over first year with her.

When we found out he was to have her another year, we moved him. Within weeks he was a totally different child; happy and learning again. I don't think he had learnt anything in his year with her except not to believe in himself. He wasn't a bad lad either, just fidgety and less outwardly academic than his v able bro.

He has done so well in life and we have always felt we did the right thing.

whirlygirly Thu 30-Jun-16 21:44:09

Thanks hesterton, fingers crossed there's spaces at our preferred school, I've got the wheels in motion now.
Found out some more horror stories today that have convinced me we're doing the right thing. I think we're going to need to raise a complaint and if she's hellish with him now, it's only going to get worse.

RandomMess Thu 30-Jun-16 21:47:27

sad how awful for your DS, definitely the huge downside of small schools sad

I hope you find a new school for him to start in September.

snowgirl29 Wed 06-Jul-16 13:38:01

Yes I would. I wished I'd done it with DD years ago when she was in Year 1. She had a teacher leaving her having a bloody asthma attack all day because she expressly told me 'oh I thought she was just being mardy' hmm 999 was called and she spent two nights in hospital.
She's had lovely teachers in between, one of them for two years. If I could bottle him and sell him I would. DD is now in year 5 and I am in the process of trying to get her moved OP. I really do sympathise. DD is a star pupil but her current teacher doesn't like her. Same thing as you. I know it. He knows it. DD just doesn't know what she's done wrong. Ridiculous amount of bullying openly done in class which he hasn't been proactive about. I get it, I really do, we all have / know children who we don't gel to, but even if that is the case I think a teacher should remain professional throughout.

I already moved my DS out because of a person senco with a bee in their bonnet who actively went out of their way to make his life a misery. He is such a happier little boy in his new school.

Do raise a complaint OP. I wish I'd been strong enough to raise ours at the time.

EverythingWillBeFine Wed 06-Jul-16 13:42:35

First 4 years with the same teacher isn't good.
Then yes some personalities clash but it looks like there is much more to it than that.
In answer to your original question, yes I would move him. She isn't getting the best out of him. There is another 2 years in front of him, two years where he will get more and more demoralised about school. Not worth it.

EverythingWillBeFine Wed 06-Jul-16 13:43:56

And YY about making a complain if needed.
I had an issue with a teacher. I did complain to the HT who was completely useless
My regret is to not have gone to the governors about it.

DailyMaui Thu 07-Jul-16 23:14:39

Yes. My daughter has just had a year with a teacher who can't control the class, is deeply uninspiring and who picks on my daughter - the latter not my words or assessment but that of two other parents who have heard it from their children. My daughter feels that this teacher actively dislikes her and that's entirely possible. It's also possible that I'm to blame because I have complained and complained about so many issues (not just me.. many other parents too) and she knows I think she is failing these children. The year has been painful and if there was another year ahead with the same problems and the same teacher I would change in an instant. My daughter has never had an issue with a teacher before - very much to the contrary in fact. She has always had really good relationships and feedback. But this one has broken her confidence and made her feel stupid and unlikeable. If I'd known this at the beginning of the year I would have moved her.

snowgirl29 Fri 08-Jul-16 15:24:07

DailyMaui exactly the same here. Are we talking about the same school? grin DD is such a good girl in school (don't get me wrong she can push my buttons at home sometimes). But I'm talking good behaviour certificates, rewards, prizes for no sad faces all year etc etc. For some reason the teacher just doesn't like her.

Also, it was other parents coming up to me with their concerns, especially around the days that she was being bullied openly and relentlessly in class (hiding her workbook calling her names), when she told the staff, she got told to suck it up. She ran out of class that day in tears. The only reason I know this is because another parent was reading to the class at the time and was furious at how she'd been treated and came to tell me so. The teacher didn't think it was worth telling me. hmm . This incident is one of the more trivial ones in a long line of incidents this year!

If I'd known this last September I wouldn't have let her set foot inside that class, alas, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

flowersandsunshine Mon 11-Jul-16 19:06:34

Having similar problems here.

Anyone had any luck with making complaints to the school?

Do schools ever take complaints seriously or just take it out on the pupils?

snowgirl29 Mon 11-Jul-16 20:29:38

From what I've seen and experienced flowers, No. My situation is quite unique so wont be going in to it too much but when I did summon up the courage to complain. It actually trigger the safeguarding process to the school as opposed to me if that makes sense? It was all swept under the carpet within a few weeks and nothing spoke off again. confused

To be fair, I do have a good relationship with the HT and the rest of the staff usually, we just had an upstart of a young senco who thought they knew it all with DS, and a teacher who just simply hasn't liked my DD from day 1 this year.
I try not to go in all the time as don't want to be seen as that parent but ive had to go in a few times this year to sort things out but one of the problems ive found, is it depends how unprofessionally close to the parents the staff are to the parents (especially the 'in' crowd) as to whether they take your concerns seriously or not or treat all DCs in the school equally.
I know not all schools are like this but here is an example or two. In my elder DCs school. My DS got punched that hard in his stomach by another boy in the line once I had to get him checked out two days later as it was still hurting - when the Mum found out the boy had been put in time out for it she was bellowing at the teacher at 8:30am in front of everyone! Or most recently someone was told to not tell another DC to shift out the way of the only door entrance because said DC was 'X's kid' (some z list celeb I'd never heard of). If they're not THAT ridiculous then yes you'll be fine wink

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