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The school are pushing / insisting on underpants.

(150 Posts)
Jadenruby Fri 17-Jun-16 18:02:47

I'm feeling so under pressure about this as the school are pressuring me to send my DS in underpants, he's still incontinent and although has an interest in the toilet he is unaware of his need to go. his gp and occupational therapist have both confirmed this but the school seem to be ignoring their input.

I'm not sure where to complain to or what to do to get the school to back off. He's 5 and just started the autism disorder assessments.

BackforGood Fri 17-Jun-16 18:05:29

Download the extended guide from ERIC The Right to Go

It's got all the legislation in, to remind the school of their duty to make reasonable adjustments, and also helpful tips and strategies they can use to help.

Jadenruby Fri 17-Jun-16 18:12:23

Thank you

calamityjam Fri 17-Jun-16 18:12:53

I agree with the school that all children of primary age should be out of nappies. However if your son has additional needs this should be taken into account. While he is undergoing assessment, can you get your Gp/OT to write a letter to the head teacher explaining this?

Jadenruby Fri 17-Jun-16 18:16:12

Calamity thank you but they have no legal right to force him into pants even before he was being assessed. They know about his needs they have been informed.

Jadenruby Fri 17-Jun-16 18:20:19

I just want them to follow the law.

hazeyjane Fri 17-Jun-16 18:23:02

My Ds is in nappies, he has a letter from the continence nurse that outlines his issues, and we have a plan drawn up with input from paed, continence nurse and school nurse. Have you discussed this with the senco?

Rhythmsticks Fri 17-Jun-16 18:28:00

I would send him in pants. He may surprise you and if not it won't be you dealing with it anyway?

hazeyjane Fri 17-Jun-16 18:32:22


That would be an appalling thing to do. Not only unfair on the school, but also very upsetting and potentially damaging for the op's ds.

A proper plan needs to be put in place

Cakescakescakes Fri 17-Jun-16 18:35:57

If you haven't tried toilet training a young (potentially) autistic child then please don't make suggestions like just put them in pants. It is 1000 miles away from training a child without SN. Normal procedures are unlikely to work.

PandasRock Fri 17-Jun-16 18:41:48

You have been given good advice on the law, and how to try to get school to follow it.

Your ds has a right to attend school, and if he has additional needs then he will need a care plan. Do push to get one in place before he starts - and don't accept that it will be you having to go in and change him whenever necessary, it is not down to you.

Take heart, your ds showing an interest in the toilet is a good thing. I have just finished toilet training dc3, all of them have ASD - it has been a veeeerrryyy long 11 years of parenting!

PirateJones Fri 17-Jun-16 18:48:15

Up until last year my 8 year old was in nappies at school, even with in the same school sometimes at the start of the year they needed reminding about the law, and what had previously been put in place.
Unfortunately it isn't easy, but it is the law and your child has the right to attend and have he toileting needs met.

We got there in the end and he's been in pants for over a year now, it's not your fault, It's not your Sons fault and well done for doign the right thing.

PirateJones Fri 17-Jun-16 18:50:09

I would send him in pants. He may surprise you and if not it won't be you dealing with it anyway?

This advice will make matters worse for everyone, please don't' follow it.

AugustaFinkNottle Fri 17-Jun-16 18:56:00

I second the advice to watch out for the school trying to say you have to come in to change him if necessary. They're not allowed to do that.

Jadenruby Fri 17-Jun-16 19:11:49

Thank you all. I'd got myself in such a hole and didn't know what to do. i know no one else in the same situation.

WashBeforeFirstUse Fri 17-Jun-16 19:14:48

I agree with others, please don't let the school pressure you into doing anything that goes against your child's best interest. No matter what his level of understanding if his first experience of pants is a catastrophe he could develop negative associations with "pants" and toileting, etc and undoing that can be hard work and delay his overall progress.

Stay strong, you are doing what is right by your child. Don't let them make you second guess yourself, ever.

Obeliskherder Fri 17-Jun-16 22:24:14

who is doing the pressuring?

I found the school nurse very good - worth a try if yours isn't yet in the loop, but obviously ignore this if she/he is doing the pressuring!

Eric has good resources. Print the leaflets out and take them to a prebooked meeting at school. Does he have a care plan? If not you could use this as a vehicle to state his needs and deflect the discussion from pants.

I don't know if it would be appropriate to ask gp or school nurse to refer to continence service yet. They may only get involved after toilet training has been attempted, I don't know, but there's no harm in asking them.

Jadenruby Sat 18-Jun-16 07:31:42

They have no idea what it's like, I'm being told there's no point in training yet by one group of professionals while being pressured by everyone else.

It's the head teacher and the Senco who have both mentioned not being equipped to cater for nappies, that's what makes me so upset the SENCo should know better or at least try to help but they are working against me.

KoalaDownUnder Sat 18-Jun-16 07:37:53

Is it the law that they have to be 'equipped for dealing with nappies'?

irvineoneohone Sat 18-Jun-16 08:10:02

Although I can understand the difficulty children and parents of special needs have to face in daily situation, I can also understand the difficulty school face. If the nappy is soiled, who changes it? Is it the class teacher or TA? How many times a day?
I think it will be a way forward if your ds gets diagnosis and get proper support like 1:1, but until then, I can see the school is struggling as well.

hazeyjane Sat 18-Jun-16 08:10:43

Yes, otherwise they are discriminating against children with disabilities

hazeyjane Sat 18-Jun-16 08:14:59

The school has a duty of care to your child.

Have you or the school started the EHCP process?

KoalaDownUnder Sat 18-Jun-16 08:16:01

What about if the child doesn't have a disability, though?

KoalaDownUnder Sat 18-Jun-16 08:16:28

(I am m genuinely trying to understand, btw)

Newes Sat 18-Jun-16 08:21:54

They have no choice but to get equipped for nappies. They need a suitable area, appropriate facilities for handwashing and disposal, storage for nappies/wipes and a member of staff assigned. This member of staff needs to be trained according to the advice of outside professionals involved with your DS. The school should already have an Intimate Care Policy/Personal Care Policy. If they don't have one they need to get one.
It's not necessary to have two members of staff to undertake Personal Care tasks, so don't let them fob you off with that.

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