Parental Bullying(76 Posts)
check this out, sent today from a fellow parent............................
Dear all (friends, acquaintances and others),
It’s with genuine sadness that I have to tell you all that we’re leaving the school and moving away at the end of this term.
We’ve made some great friends, had really good times and we’ve grown very fond of many of you. Our son has also made some lovely little chums amongst your children.
It will be sad to not see you as much in the future but we’ll try our best.
I myself feel gutted about this so let me tell you all the reason for us leaving if you don’t already know:
Say that if one of our kids had been subjected to intimidation in the playground by a group of other children – the passive-aggressive finger-pointing/giggling/staring variety of intimidation – we’d go and see the Head, wouldn’t we? (Especially if this behaviour were continual.)
We’d expect the Head to tell that group of children that they were bullying our little one and the Head would stop it. And the Head would also extract the ringleader and mete out a suitable punishment.
And we’d all agree that this would be right because – as we all know – bullying and intimidation are wrong. It’s unfair and it’s cowardly. (The group around the ringleader are the biggest cowards of all, in a way, because they fear that they themselves will be the next victim if they don’t join in.)
So if this had happened to one of our kids we’d quite rightly be furious.
But us moving away has nothing to do with our child. He has not been bullied and the school has done nothing wrong.
If fact he loves the school and he loves his friends. He doesn’t want to leave. But we don’t have a choice. Not really.
Because when you witness - as I have first-hand – a playground containing a cackling, finger-pointing, staring group of half a dozen supposedly mature, well-educated women performing this classic tactic of passive-aggressive intimidation of another woman – my wife in this case – then it’s jaw-dropping. Unbelievable. Not what you’d expect at all from such people.
And when your wife makes friends who then become too scared to remain friends because of that group of women, what would you make of that?
And when you see the occasional woman in the playground, neither of you have ever met before, look at your wife in an angry way and shake her head for no obvious reason, how would that make you feel?
This has been happening for well over a year now, growing rather than fading away, and it is bound to end very badly for someone if it isn’t stopped.
But there is no Head to appeal to. It’s not the school’s business.
No crime can be proved (slander is notoriously hard to prosecute but we came close) so there will be no justice for us in the short term. The verbal spread of lies and rumours is difficult to stop.
So – you know what – life’s too short. I can’t stomach seeing my wife in bits and losing sleep over all of this anymore so I’ve made this decision to leave.
We’re sorry to our friends. We feel we’ve let you down in a way but let’s remain friends as much as we can.
The rest of this note is not addressed to our friends and acquaintances but to those of you - and of course you know who you are because everybody else does – whose actions and gossip-mongering have led us to this point:
Firstly…..congratulations! You’ve won! You should be very, very proud.
Pat yourselves on the back.
You’ve managed to run us out of town (us dastardly criminals us) for the crime of……well…...nothing.
I don’t know what we’ve done or what we’ve said to hurt you this much. Actually we’ve done some of you favours. We’ve helped you when you needed help. We didn’t ask for anything in return. (We were never going to.)
Either of us would apologise to you if we’ve caused you harm or offence but that’s not it, is it?
I know what it really is. Everyone reading this knows what it really is. You know what it really is…..
It’s the fact that we exist. It’s that green-eyed monster. (Bless him.)
Go on, admit it.
You’ve won now, so what harm could it do? Shout it from the roof-tops. The green-eyed monster has won!
One of you (it’s irrelevant to name her but you’ll discover what sort of person she really is, eventually, since my wife is just another in a long line of her targets) has encouraged that monster – lying dormant inside each of you – to incorporate. But you let her do that. She might be the ringleader but you joined in and you enjoyed it.
And do you know; you’re famous as well?
Your little group has earned itself the nickname “the Nasties” and this has nothing to do with us and nothing to do with anyone in this school year. I’m sure you already know this but…..everybody knows what you’re doing.
That’s right. Everybody knows who you are and what you’ve been doing. That playground and Waitrose is filled with other parents watching and listening and you’re not exactly being secret-agent-covert about your behaviour, are you? They’ve nicknamed you.
Not only that, one of you has in fact been telling us the kinds of things being said by the rest of you. Charming stuff, it has to be said. I am often fascinated and disappointed by how infantile grown-ups can be.
Perhaps there will be consequences for you after all and we’ll receive some kind of justice? Who knows? I can only hope.
For Mummy and me this move is a modest inconvenience. That’s all, really. A move to another town.
But for those of you that have any sliver of decency in you, please remember something for me?
Perhaps, before you go to sleep tonight, imagine how the face of a smiling, innocent, slightly-sensitive five year old boy crumples and collapses and his eyes glisten when Daddy tells him that his adorable boy – who has done nothing wrong at all - has to move away and leave his friends.
And I can’t even give him the honest reason why, so I’ve had to lie to him.
So I despise you for making me do that.
And you’ve hurt my wife. Repeatedly. On purpose. I will not forget that and I will not forgive you.
You are shameless bullies and brazen hypocrites and I sincerely hope that your own children, for whom I wish long and happy lives, turn out much, much better than you and eventually learn your true nature. You do not deserve them and they definitely deserve better than you.
Since you have inconvenienced me, I am happy to inconvenience you. Please give your husbands or partners a copy of this note and give them the heads-up. I will speak to them each in turn to let them know what’s happened. So go on, give them your side of the story first.
Also, now it’s all out in the open, don’t try to approach me or my wife during the remainder of our time here. Don’t try to explain. Don’t try to apologise. Don’t ask me if this bit of the note is aimed at you: if you have to ask then you already know.
Just leave us alone as we will you. You’ve won now, so sod off.
Our leaving probably won’t stop you now turning your attention to someone else but perhaps the realisation of what many others now think of you might.
And please, please do not come to our son’s party. Your kids and your husbands are welcome but our generosity no longer extends to you and I will turn you away. Save us all the embarrassment.
I know, I couldn't believe it.
he's right though, they have been ghastly!
Wow! So it is all actually true? Are they jealous?
Are you the wife or the husband or what?
Sounds like a load of ridiculous paranoia to me. Anyone investing that much energy (how long is that fucking thing?) in what only needs to be a 30 second drop off needs, frankly, to get a hobby.
How awful for them, when I hear of horrible schoolyard parents, I'm always dumbfounded having never come across it (yet!).
I can understand them being so hurt and angry, however, it kind of gives power and attention to the "bullies".
No way would I move my child from a school they were happy and attaining at because of parental playground shenanigans.
The RollingCorne I agree. I can't imagine moving my DC from where they were happy. However I have never experienced this, so I don't know how hard it could be.
There is a woman at school who hates me, with a passion.
My eldest and her middle child were at the nursery attached to the primary together, and my df couldn't attend her child's birthday party.
I let her know in good time.
I was told to fuck off, that she couldn't give a shit, in front of all dc and parents.
This was 9 years ago and she still glares at me, hisses insults, slags me off when with her mates loudly enough that I can hear.
Nine years of this twice a day.
It's not fun.
i would say these people 's child is in Y3. Enough time for cliques to form and people to be excluded. Not quite enough for them to realise that these people matter not one tiny fuck. By Y6 they'll be picking up at the gate, head down, no eye contact - anything to avoid the inane small talk and politics of the school gate.
Those poor DC, moved on the whim of crackpot parents
Dear god I hope y3 is the nadir of parent bad behaviour, this year has been awful. Not that I've been directly involved in any of it, but ripples spread out and I'm fed up of all the little groups muttering and bitching in corners.
That's me in Reception The, it's literally 5 minutes stood waiting for dd1 and l don't really talk to anyone as l don't want any of the above shit.
So I have to know were you the ringleader op?
Fwiw I hated school runs in our last school because of this crap, the school bullies were now mummies in the same playground and most of them hadn't Improved a bit since year 11!
One of them had got extreamley fat though
How was this letter distributed? Was it an email?
Bullies will be bullies, I'm not sure the letter will achieve much in terms of shaming them or forcing them to consider their own actions. In my experience, once a bully always a bully, these people aren't exactly known for the ability self-refelct and grow as human beings
Hope the family will make a fresh start with a nicer crowd somewhere else. The mum will probably need some counselling if the gossiping has been so vicious.
Note to self: Remain at periphery of school social life
This is the sort of letter I'd love to send - but would never have the nerve!
In stead of moving the kids , moving house etc etc wouldn't it be cheaper just to get a cm or use after school club
Do you have permission to reproduce this email on the largest parenting site in the country?
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