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Would you go with the teacher on this?

(50 Posts)
Buttercup9 Fri 20-May-16 17:05:59

Dd and her best friend are 6 and they have always been "lively" together, even 2 yeas ago at pre school they were always getting into mischief, and as it was the feeder for the local primary the key worker there recommended to the teachers that they be put in different classes for reception. The school is a pretty strict c of e school with outstanding ofsted rating and make it clear to parents they have v high standards and expectations of the children and don't take any messing around, I was a bit shocked by this considering they were only 4 year olds...

So anyway, they were put in different classes in reception which they both found hard for ages, but both made new friends and settled and still saw each other at break times, plus we carried on with play dates outside of school and I get on well with the other girl's mum so we got quite close over the year. We then asked for the girls to be put back together for year 1 this year and they were, but they soon got back into their mischievous ways and have been constantly told off for silly things like chatting at quiet time, silly behaviour and generally messing about. Now their teacher has approached me and the other parents separately and recommended the girls are split up once again for year 2 in September, and the girls are devestated. Their behaviour has improved recently with the threat of being split up, and it's never been unkind to others, just silly messing about wth each other, I can appreciate it must be annoying and hard work for the teacher and she obviously has their best learning interests at heart, but she's not taking their bond and close friendship into account and the emotional and social aspects of being split up. She is young and doesn't have children herself yet, so she doesn't really know what it's like to cope with the emotional impact it will have on the girls.

Would you go with the teacher on this and agree to them being split up? I can't help feeling they are still so young, surely thy will grow out of it soon? It's just silly things like chatting and giggling, pulling faces, but the school has such high expectations that I worry are unrealistic at 6? I know the teacher puts their learning and discipline / behaviour in school first, but can it be balanced with their emotional / social needs as well? What would you do if it was your 6 year old?

amidawish Fri 20-May-16 17:13:45

I doubt if you have the choice tbh. They can put them wherever they want. I'm sure they're just talking to you out of courtesy.

merlottime Fri 20-May-16 17:14:33

There are 28 other kids in the class that they sound like they are disrupting. That isn't fair. I would support the teacher.

Haggisfish Fri 20-May-16 17:15:33

Go with the teacher. Plenty of time to be friends outside the classroom.

VimFuego101 Fri 20-May-16 17:18:46

What does the other mother think? it sounds like they have plenty of opportunities to play together outside of class time, and you say your daughter has made other friends, so this sounds like a good thing to me. If the teacher says they're not behaving in class, you need to support her in this.

Balletgirlmum Fri 20-May-16 17:19:18

They should never have been put back together for year 1. That was a mistake on the part of the school.

Galena Fri 20-May-16 17:21:02


They will be disrupting the rest of the class with their silliness. As they get older they will be expected to work independently for longer periods of time. If they distract each other, and others in the class, the standard of work will decrease. They have plenty of time to socialise in the playground and out of school. If the teacher wants to separate them, it'll be because they have been disruptive.

NickiFury Fri 20-May-16 17:25:36

They'll see each other at break times and play dates. I'm sorry but I think you're focussing on the wrong thing here, they must surely he missing out on learning time themselves if they can't stop messing about when they're in proximity to one another in a learning environment. I'd be grateful the school were so on top of it tbh.

I've been in school trips with my own dd and her two close friends and their inability to walk even ten paces without linked arms or squabbling about who gets to sit next to who even got on my nerves in that brief time. God knows how annoying it must be for the teaching staff.

WakeUpFast Fri 20-May-16 17:26:20

Well I DO have children and DO understand how to deal with the emotional impact of something like this:

I agree with the teacher 100%. Stop saying they're "mischievous" like its a sweet thing. They're being rude and disruptive. I would be horrified if this was my dd (and trust me I've been in a similar situation a few times). Every single time I would put the teacher and rest of the class first.
As it happens my dd is in year 3 and is in a class with 2 other girls with whom she has been disruptive with. They will be split up next year thankfully. She's 8 years old and she'll get over it.

strawberrie Fri 20-May-16 17:35:42

I think you're coming at this from the wrong angle. If they've been constantly disruptive as you say for the majority of the school year, they have hampered their own and others' experiences of school. Bring split up will do them both a power of good.

RafaIsTheKingOfClay Fri 20-May-16 18:15:10

I agree the mistake was being allowed to put them back together in the first place.

TBH, I'm not sure that any school will allow the giggling, chatting and messing about during times they are supposed to be learning. It isn't just about whether their behaviour is unkind, it's disruptive to all the other children. And it would be complete chaos if all 30 children were doing this, not just the two children in question.

EarthboundMisfit Fri 20-May-16 18:53:04

Sorry, I agree with the teacher on this. I don't know when they have to decide by...I suppose you and her mum could talk seriously with them and explain that if they don't behave as expected, the split WILL happen, and are if that can help them...but there may not be time at this stage.

clam Fri 20-May-16 19:02:00

It's not your place to "agree" or not. It's the school's decision how they organise classes and if your child's poor behaviour (which is what this is, regardless of her age) is disrupting the learning of everyone else in the class, then they're absolutely right to split the girls up.

MrsKCastle Fri 20-May-16 19:04:15

constantly told off for silly things like chatting at quiet time, silly behaviour and generally messing about.

So disruptive to others and showing a pretty poor attitude to their own learning.

I imagine that the teachers have tried all sorts of behaviour strategies- do they sit apart from each other, are they in separate maths/literacy groups? (If the class has groups). Has the teacher been rewarding good behaviour, asking for your support? Things must be pretty bad if they want to split them.

irvineoneohone Fri 20-May-16 19:05:09

I also agree with teacher. My ds was like a brother and sister with one girl in yr2. They were constantly told off for giggling and being silly all the time. I felt really bad about not be able to tackle this. I was so glad they got separated in yr3. These low level disruption is the worst. I think a lot of parents don't think it's that bad, but it is. Other children want to learn, and they are disrupting this.

PurpleDaisies Fri 20-May-16 19:07:32

She is young and doesn't have children herself yet, so she doesn't really know what it's like to cope with the emotional impact it will have on the girls.

Seriously?! She spends five days out of every seven with children. I think she might have some idea about how they feel. Or do you only get that special knowledge when you have them yourself?

The girls should be split up for their benefit. While they're being silly and disruptive they're falling behind their peers.

clam Fri 20-May-16 19:08:20

And what you refer to over and again as "silly" and "mischievous" and "chatting" is an absolute pain in the arse in a classroom where they're supposed to be learning. Year 2 is an important year.

PotteringAlong Fri 20-May-16 19:11:10

I'm with the teacher. They are 6. They're unlikely to be friends forever and they will adapt very quickly. Together they sound like a nightmare.

tshirtsuntan Fri 20-May-16 19:12:12

Socially and emotionally it's a really good thing for them both to make new friends and alliances while maintaining their close friendship at times when it's appropriate for them to laugh, be silly etc. This is one of the reasons that twins are usually put in different classes, if they can manage I'm sure your dd and her friend will be fine.

IamCarcass Fri 20-May-16 19:12:43

I think you need to give the teacher more credit, she doesn't need children of her own to understand this situation. She is (hopefully) trained and qualified, and gaining experience. They have tried your way and it didn't work for them - so now the teacher is trying to do what would be best for your children and her class. I imagine it wasn't a decision she took lightly.

Twinkie1 Fri 20-May-16 19:13:11

Their behaviour even if not unkind is disruptive and it's utterly unfair to the teacher and other pupils that their 'special bond' be put above everyone else's class experience.

Your daughters messing about will effect her education too, to her detriment.

JoyceDivision Fri 20-May-16 19:13:48

Their bond and emotional friendship is not the priority, dealing with lively / misbehaving mischievious / disruptive children is.

Our school has clamped down on low level disruption as when totted up it was wasting hours of lesson time over each term. Parents were quite shocked when their 'lively' children were taken out of class, on behaviour reports and facing suspension...

Yes, they are behaving because they don't want splitting up. If they are in the same class next year, what will hapoen? The same as when they have been in the same class this year.. disruptive.

It may seem minor to you but it is a huge problem in schools and wates precious teaching time.

MrsMushrooms Fri 20-May-16 19:15:12

I was sympathetic up until the point you said "she doesn't have children of her own yet" at which point I completely rolled my eyes at you.

Agree 100% with the teacher though (even before that). It's clear they should be kept apart and shouldn't have been put together again in the first place. They can keep their bond outside of class and it's probably healthy to be apart in class and make new bonds anyway, their disruptive behaviour aside.

Twinkie1 Fri 20-May-16 19:15:27

And an NQT is often more forgiving as they haven't had the stuffing knocked out of them by years of teaching yet. If it was a teacher that had been in the job 30 years your daughter would probably have been moved mid year.

I rejoice when my primary aged kids have NQTs.

Kennington Fri 20-May-16 19:17:31

Friends come and go at that age and it doesn't sound like a particularly helpful relationship.
do you think they should be meeting all sorts? Or just each other?

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