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School move

9 replies

user1463172942 · 15/05/2016 16:55

Any advice appreciated.

DS age 9 is in yr4. He is at a high achieving school which we are increasingly realising is because it is very 'hot house'ish.

DS is bright and achieving well but very sensitive and mildly dyslexic. His self esteem has taken a battering over the years and at stressful times eg tests. School plays as have weeks of moodiness, tears and him declaring that he hates himself and is stupid. He won't join in any extra curricular stuff because it is all very competitive and he is intimidated by this. He had signs of anxiety ev poor sleep patterns loss of appetite.

We have felt for a while that he needs to move and put his name on the waiting list for some local schools.

We had a call last week from one to offer him a place. We went for a look and it seemed nice.

Here's the thing. He has only ever known His current school he is at from nursery and I think will say he doesn't want to move.

DH and I firmly believe he needs to ... I honestly feel his mental health / happiness is being damaged by the current school. But I don't want him to feel we are making him moved school against his wishes. Whenever he had s bad day ( and he will, af any school) he will feel like it is all our fault.

Also, his current school is highly regarded. He is starting to become aware of this and I'm worried he will feel he's not good enough for his current school if he moves.

Any advice from people who've been in similar situations would be very appreciated... Thanks.

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user1463172942 · 15/05/2016 17:31

Argh excuse the typing errors on my phone.

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user1463172942 · 18/05/2016 18:20

Sorry to bump!

We need to let the new school have a decision by Friday and I still don't know what to do.

Anyone been in this position?

Thanks x

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DizzyDuck55 · 19/05/2016 00:51

Could you discuss it with ds and then arrange a visit to the new school with him?

Is there any other children who live locally to you who attend new school who he could maybe meet before starting if you did decide to move him ?

Good luck

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citychick · 19/05/2016 04:35

Can you say yes, and arrange a tour with DS? It might be easier to cancel than to decline and then reapply.

We moved schools last year. But we moved abroad.
This school is the opposite to his last. Old school- local primary. This one is a small private international. DS is also 9 and very young for his year. I would have liked him to repeat year 4. He is emotionally very young. Despite the smaller classes, he is struggling with the children who are a bit more grown up. It's hard to watch and I am not sure what to do. I know he'd be much better off in year 4, but school won't do it.

Sorry if that's not much help. Just to say, that kids are quite resilient, and if he's really taking a battering it might just be the tonic he needs. But it will take you to do it on his behalf.

Good luck.

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comebacksun · 19/05/2016 04:47

My advice would be to discuss it with ds. Make him aware of the positives of the new school and then let him see it for himself.

My ds was acutely aware that he could never achieve at his primary, and then started to try to "be the funny one" to compensate. Of course the teachers didn't appreciate this, so he slid and slid until he could never catch up. His self esteem also took a battering and still at 12 and year 7, he thinks he's stupid.

I would say yes (if you're sure the new school will help with the dyslexia and will help build his self esteem), take ds to see the school and really try to make him understand how he'll have a much better time at this school.

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user1463172942 · 19/05/2016 22:47

Thanks so much for your replies.
This is really hard. We actually looked at the new school again today with ds who really liked it.

It doesn't help that DH is a complete ditherer who doesn't like to rock the boat and thinks the answer to everything is 'wait and see'.forever 🙄

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Sweetnhappy1 · 19/05/2016 23:18

Hi! You're in a tough situation but at the end of the day you are the grown-up here. Sometimes we have to make decisions for our children's benefit whether they like it or not. You are truly concerned about his mental health, his confidence and self-esteem, he won't understand this right now, he doesn't know any different. Ithe sounds to me like gut instinct is to move him, it's such a delicate age and I would trust your maternal intuition.

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GiddyOnZackHunt · 19/05/2016 23:27

We moved our oldest dc from one school to another partly because of a failure to address their needs (ASD). Like your DS they had been at the local pre-school and moving was a big deal. It was the right thing to. It hasn't always been easy, I won't lie, but it has made a big difference.