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Cake and SATS analogy

(6 Posts)
Janefromdowntheroad Sun 08-May-16 11:09:58

Stolen from FB

Once-upon-a-time, nearly all children loved cake. They enjoyed the tastes and the textures. They happily let it get smothered over their fingers, which they would then lick clean once the rest had been devoured. Some would carefully scrape off the icing first, or pick out the chocolate chips; slowly savouring every part of the cake - whilst others would wolf it down in a few bites. They would all eat it differently, all enjoying it in their own way. They joyfully ate cake in school, at home, at the park, on trains, by the sea, at their grandparents’ houses – in fact, pretty much anywhere the mood took them. There were cupcakes, sandwich cakes, gateaux and traybakes. There were countless flavours – different tastes to be enjoyed at different times.

One day, someone noticed that the youngest children got rather messy whilst eating cake and they sometimes took longer than their older siblings to finish their cake, or chose cupcakes over gateaux. ‘Our young children are not good enough at eating cakes’, they announced. ‘We must raise the standard of the cake-eating of our young people!’ Some very clever people (that pay someone else to check their cakes for them and to help them to eat their cakes) decided that these young children couldn’t possibly be enjoying their cakes successfully until they had a sound grasp of the basics of how a cake is put together.

So, there followed a new regime during which young children spent weeks measuring, re-measuring and tasting the flour. Then they applied the exact same process to the sugar. Then the eggs. Then the vanilla essence. Then the cooking chocolate. The flour tasted bland and chalky on its own. The sugar was too sickly sweet. The raw eggs made the children feel ill. The vanilla essence was overpowering without the sponge to absorb it. The cooking chocolate left a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth.

After months of becoming experts on the component parts of their once loved cakes, the young children (many of whom were now seriously ill from consuming too many raw ingredients) were given a test in which they had to demonstrate their ability to eat cake correctly. This cake would contain every possible cake ingredient, regardless of how well the flavours and consistencies mixed. No one was actually quite sure of the correct way to eat cake because this was a new test; all they knew was that they must be more correct than the people that took the equivalent test last year. ‘Will there be gluten free cakes for my coeliac pupils?’ enquired a teacher. ‘Everyone must eat the same cake, otherwise it will not be a fair test’, came the reply from the Ministry for the Correct Consumption of Cake.

The children all tried their very best in the test. No one enjoyed the cake.

The regime for successful cake eating continued for many years. The children did indeed become adept at identifying the ingredients. The children no longer enjoyed to eat cake.

Today the children still all eat cake in lessons and tests when required, but nowhere else. No one eats cake at home, or at the park, or on trains, or by the sea, or at their grandparents’ houses. They no longer feel in the mood for cake - it has lost its delicious flavour.

kippersyllabub Sun 08-May-16 11:13:44

Result! Reduced obsesity.

I object more to cutesy-pie (and badly constructed) analogies than I do to SATs. But mainly I come to MN to get away from the dim-witted Facebook share fest material.

LitteRedSparkle Sun 08-May-16 11:15:48

is this saying that children enjoyed their lessons before sats came along? they enjoyed writing and maths etc? because that not how i remember my time at primary school (i'm talking as a mum of a yr 6 - so this might be about the younger ones)

BoGrainger Sun 08-May-16 11:19:21

Agree, I don't like FB syrupy stuff (usually from the US) but I did chuckle at the Ministry for the Correct Consumption of Cakesgrin

mrz Sun 08-May-16 11:24:47

Agree with kipper about cutesy analogies

We may be unusual (don't think so) but our pupils enjoy reading and writing and maths despite SATs. They choose to do them outside of lessons for pleasure.

Last week a group of Y2 pupils decided to form their own book club and read the new books I'd bought in the sunshine at break time. Another group of children were writing not because they had to but because they enjoy these things.

tiggytape Sun 08-May-16 16:25:20

Any analogy that contemplates cake-fatigue is going to be lost on me.
Perhaps the longer term reassurance would be that after a month or so of feeling cake-fatigued, normal levels of cake appreciation will resume again.
Mmmm... cake (in a Homer Simpson style drool). Sorry see it just doesn't work.

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