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AIBU to think school should do more to protect DS & others?

(6 Posts)
omegamale Wed 09-Mar-16 11:00:44

DS is in year 3 at local primary school. Generally a good bunch of children but one boy in his class has serious issues around ADHD (I think he has some kind of diagnosis) which include violence.
I can think of at least three children who have been removed to other schools directly because of 'Boy X'. He is a bright kid but seems to have no social behaviour filter and is very intolerant and aggressive.
DS wavers between extreme confidence and deep uncertainty, and he's not able to keep Boy X away. This boy is overly aggressive during playground football (for example) and yesterday, when DS joined the game late and picked up the ball, Boy X grabbed DS, threw him down and bit his hand (hard). DS was only trying to pass the ball back and ask to join in. Playground staff were on hand to sort it and Boy X did go to class teacher, who has given him a one breaktime in classroom sanction and also told him he will miss 15 mins of today's PE lesson.
Only a couple of weeks ago, DS went to the toilet, singing away (as normal)
and Boy X, who was in a cubicle, told DS to open the door (which was unlocked), then flicked a dirty toilet brush all over him. I spoke to head teacher about this - not least because of the potential health consequences - and Boy X was excluded for a day but not a great deal else happened and the HT, a born diplomat, suggsted that because only the two boys were present, there was no proof DS didn't do something to annoy/upset Boy X. I know he didn't, and he was pretty traumatised by the episode.
Boy X enters and leaves school via reception instead of the normal route, and spends a good half his school day working on his own outside the head teacher's office - because of his general disruption and more specific bullying - but the school seems reluctant to act properly on this issue.
His parents are pretty strict with him, and his mother is clearly at her wits' end. I have some sympathy for her, but more for DS and his classmates, who are sick of having to put up with this situation.
We have a good relation with school and I don't want to go behind their back to complain to LEA, but I'm not sure what else to do.

MajorClanger123 Wed 09-Mar-16 11:16:23

This is a real tricky one so be careful how you tread (on here & in RL). My DS was in a class from reception to yr2 with a friend diagnosed with Aspergers in yrR. Whilst the boy's mother attempted to secure a statement for her son (in the hope that they could secure some funding and perhaps a 1:1 TA for her DS for part of the school day) they were unsuccessful & so this boy is now in yr5 and pretty much unsupported during the school day, other than standard teacher / TA. And its really hard work (for both the child and the staff).

There was a big class jumble-up (3-class intake school) after yr2 and my DS was moved out of this particular boys class (I have to confess I was rather relieved, which I'm aware sounds awful). BUt I have heard from lots of disgruntled parents whose kids are now in his class. DS was friends with the boy whilst in the same class, but did seem to put up with rather a lot - he was bitten, kicked, punched, ridiculed by the boy, paired up ALOT with him (DS's yr2 teacher told me that my son was a calming influence on the other boy confused).

Sorry, rambling - but trying to explain similar situation.

I would say your best way forward is to keep recording these incidents, keep going into school, but rather than a 'that boy is a complete nightmare' type complaint, it needs to be more from a point of view that the child with ADHD clearly needs much more support than he is currently getting. He can't cope. The teacher perhaps can't cope with his behaviour. This may (although i'm not sure) trigger the school SENCO into trying to secure better support for the child. If HT won't do anything about it, your next step is to write a letter to the school governors, together with a list of the incidents / dates / times etc.

Unfortunately this is school life- I know its not nice for your son, but its real life & I guess your DS has to learn that other people have difficulties in their lives that they can't really control. Also, schools have limited funding, and if they can't secure any funding for this particular child then i'm not sure what else they can do.

HTH

MajorClanger123 Wed 09-Mar-16 11:21:44

ps after my ramblings, in response to your original thread title, YANBU in expecting the school to be doing more to protect you child. If no joy with head, then next step governors. Good luck

noramum Wed 09-Mar-16 11:29:44

I think there is a certain "you need to learn to deal with children of all kind" approach needed because SEN or not, a child will always encounter some children who don't behave. DD's school has two separate SEN classes and the children in mainstream learn from start how to deal with the children in these classes and what to do if things go out of hand.

On the other hand physical injuries are not acceptable, the school needs to be told if something like this happens. And the school can only push for more help if they can show that certain behaviour happen in school towards others (adults and children).

omegamale Wed 09-Mar-16 11:35:05

I inadvertently posted this in primary, but have also posted in AIBU. Apologies

omegamale Wed 09-Mar-16 11:38:29

Thanks Major and Nora. I;m getting in a muddle here by having doubled up on the post but as I mentioned on other thread, DS1 is SEN so DS2 knows all about non-NT behaviour and is amazingly tolerant, both of his brother and, I understand, of this boy.

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