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Is it terrible to pull out a child for a better school?

(23 Posts)
wishiwasabettermum Sat 20-Feb-16 15:17:36

At the risk of sounding like a complete moron, we put our ds1 into a prep in the hope of him getting into a good London school, but we had no idea what he would be like. Turns out he is brighter than expected and doesn't enjoy his school anymore he's only three and a half.
The problem is any other school (eg Arnold house, Habs) will need a reference. I'm new to all this so have been taking advice from other mums who tell me the head will be loathe to let him leave, as these schools live and die by their exit results...so what should we do?? Be very grateful for any advice.

mrz Sat 20-Feb-16 15:46:47

No it's not terrible to change schools but he's just three ... Who says he's brighter? His prep school?

slebmum1 Sat 20-Feb-16 15:55:31

He's 3.5. What constitutes a better school?

Inkymess Sat 20-Feb-16 15:57:39

I am surprised they declaring him so bright so young?? Most 3 year olds can't read let alone write or do maths. Why doesn't he like it? DC that age should be loving nursery foundation, esp if bright. I'm a bit baffled

Greengrass1982 Sat 20-Feb-16 16:03:45

If I felt my child was unhappy then I would look around at other options. Do you think it could be just a phase or something that could be sorted out with the school ?

wishiwasabettermum Sat 20-Feb-16 16:06:10

Yes, they ranked the children, and told us. I wouldn't mind,but they havn't done much else, and he's now being regarded as a bit of a problem because I guess he doesn't engage, and is challenging teachers, learning things by himself on You Tube and generally being annoying.
If his school were receptive I wouldn't mind, they say they want big things of him, but I can imagine him failing assessments as he's not engaged with the school process.
I honestly don't even know how to go about doing things such as assessments which is why we chose the prep school route. The school has good results, but seem to be geared towards girls...NLCS, Habs, south hampstead high-and I think the head has great contacts with these heads, really not sure what type of contact she has with the boys' schools.
To be honest, I went to a state school, and went on to UCL, so know they can work-but also remember having really poor resources, three to a textbook, and terrible teaching, with a huge staff turnover.
It feels sneaky to go behind the head's back, but at the moment it feels like the prep school is a battery farm, with loads of childeren, and slightly exasperated staff...as children will go to various schools in September.

Greengrass1982 Sat 20-Feb-16 16:06:10

just to add all schools have there pros and cons

wishiwasabettermum Sat 20-Feb-16 16:10:48

Who knows what bright is? I have no idea, I came to realise he was being singled out, and even referred to Ed Psych. He is very quick at learning concepts, can count well beyond 100, and knows more about marine life, birds and other random topics that interest him well beyond my husband or myself.
I just don't want him to be switched off from learning and enjoying the most wondrous years of his life because I've made the wrong decision so early on!

SelfRaisingFlour Sat 20-Feb-16 16:13:39

It's not sneaky. You're a customer and it's your right to move. You just have to give the school notice.

FrameyMcFrame Sat 20-Feb-16 16:16:47

Well I pulled my DS out of reception in a school that he loved because we got offered a place at an absolutely brilliant school.

It was hard from him to start with but here we are almost two years on and he is very happy. He has lots of friends and teachers who 'get him' and his progress has been very pleasing.

wishiwasabettermum Sat 20-Feb-16 16:25:14

May i ask how you got a headteacher's reference? were they not cross, as they expectation is he will stay until 7.

Paperm0ver Sat 20-Feb-16 16:54:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wishiwasabettermum Sat 20-Feb-16 17:11:37

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. Stupidly didn't apply for state back-up plan. The schools we thought would be good for ds1 are so competitive, that the headteacher's report forms a really important part of the child's assessment.
Will look into more schools, the debate is really unhappy child v happy child. To get him to a different school will have to beg the head of next school, or the present one not to be too annoyed with us and write an accurate report (but its confidential so will never know). Other parents have had a really rough ride with her. I suppose when schools become commercial enterprises, their results are what they charge on and our child is just another tiny part of that process.

mrz Sat 20-Feb-16 17:15:22

Has the school explained why they think he should be referred to an educational psychologist?

Whotookmyruler Sat 20-Feb-16 17:33:16

Why on earth is the school "ranking" nursery age children? I find that very odd.

Suffolkgirl1 Sat 20-Feb-16 18:33:12

Given that he is only 3, and many children of that age won't be in school at all, why would another school insist on a head teachers report?
Take him out of his current school if he is unhappy and apply for a new one. If he isn't in school, the new one should assess him themselves.

Karoleann Sat 20-Feb-16 20:12:25

You could always just take him out and then there will be no school for the reference?
M

zoemaguire Sat 20-Feb-16 20:19:59

The ranking rings huge alarm bells, sorry. My DS would have failed on every count at that age (couldn't even hold a pen). He is i suspect very bright and well ahead in reading now at nearly 6. 'Ranking' at 3 will find the early starters but has pretty much zero meaning beyond that. I guess some of this nonsense (being told your 3yo is 'first') is what private schools think parents want. Beware!

Paperm0ver Sat 20-Feb-16 20:23:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BYOSnowman Sat 20-Feb-16 20:49:49

given he hasn't started reception yet i don't think there is anything wrong with doing this. i would be careful though that you pick a school you think he will be happy at rather than a 'big name' school.

there are plenty of small preps that achieve brilliant results around hampstead

georgetteheyersbonnet Sat 20-Feb-16 21:06:58

Agree with a previous poster that ranking children at 3.5 is really suspect. Any decent school will know that amongst a group of fairly bright children you won't be able to tell with any certainty at that age who is the brightest! And anyone who tells you that they can is not telling you the truth!

TeaT1me Sat 20-Feb-16 21:12:12

Gosh I'd want mine playing at that age. I'd be suspicious of any preschool that did that or couldn't cope with most children.

I'd be looking at other schools, especially state in that case.

Toffeelatteplease Sat 20-Feb-16 21:18:47

He's three. I would pull him out of a school purely for ranking them at three.

Much more importantly I think you need a much clearer idea of why they have referred to ed psych. Bright but disengaged is a nonsense.

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