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Getting a reputation with teachers

(9 Posts)
BYOSnowman Fri 12-Feb-16 14:04:33

Ds is 8 and has been having a bit of a problem at school being told off for things that have been misinterpreted

Eg two boys are holding his hands and making him hit one of them. Teacher turns round and they tell teacher he's been hitting
Eg one boy sitting on top of his friend who ds believes wants the other boy to get off so tries to push him off - teacher sees ds and he gets told off
Eg boy is poking him in the back - ds turns round to say stop and the boy cries out and tells teacher ds hit him

Now I know ds and he hates rough play and will avoid. I've observed him with his friends enough times to know he is unlikely to be instigating these things. A few times another parent has commented 'oh I hear poor ds got in trouble for xx when it was other boy'

He is the same with his sister - he will say mean things and hide her toys but he never hits - even when she is hitting him. He does give back chat and is a chatterbox so when he is told off for things like that I can totally believe it!

The problem is that he feels the teachers think he is a bully and he is not wanting to go to school. He has also become a bit nervy recently and tries to stay on the outskirts

I obviously support the school but I'm not sure how to advise ds on how to overcome this. He often gets told off because the others have told on him (it is the same 3 or 4 boys) but he is unwilling to tell on them in the first place iyswim

Sorry this is all a bit of a stream of consciousness - I hope it makes sense! I hate seeing him unhappy! Wwyd!

Gobbolino6 Fri 12-Feb-16 14:52:51

I think in this case I would speak to the teacher. Do you/he feel that HE is being bullied?

BYOSnowman Fri 12-Feb-16 15:00:26

I'm not sure. He has a bit of a persecution complex atm but 9/10 when he tells me the story I feel he is being sensitive. I don't think he considers the incidents that he is getting in trouble for as bullying but I'm wary of asking him.we have parents evening in a couple of weeks so I could try and gauge the situation from his form teacher

StrumpersPlunkett Fri 12-Feb-16 15:04:41

Go and say all of the above to the teacher.
Tbh I think most teachers know that there are children who load the gun and step back and let others get told off for the gun being fired. Iykwim.
However. There are children I know well socially who act in a very very different manner when I see them in the classroom (work in a primary school)
Being open and starting a conversation with the teacher has to be the way forward.

BYOSnowman Fri 12-Feb-16 15:11:52

Yes. I know he could be behaving differently at school but I have observed him a lot in this group. With one particular boy I have had to step in twice because I could see ds was uncomfortable with the physicality but didn't know how to get away. I will speak to teacher

StrumpersPlunkett Fri 12-Feb-16 15:13:52

Didn't mean to come across as being critical of your son. I just meant that without clear honest chat with the teacher neither you nor the teacher are aware of what is going on.

BYOSnowman Fri 12-Feb-16 15:46:38

Oh I didn't think you were - it's an obvious comment!!

Problem is that he has different teachers for different subjects and it's not his form teacher that he generally gets in trouble with. He's already fallen out with his teacher who will be his form teacher next year (she thinks he's a smart Alec I think - I've had another thread on that though!!)

WombatStewForTea Fri 12-Feb-16 19:12:29

one boy sitting on top of his friend who ds believes wants the other boy to get off so tries to push him off - teacher sees ds and he gets told off

With the above incident he was in the wrong. It wasn't his place to geat involved and tbh I'm surprised he did push the other child if he avoids physical play/confrontation.
It also depends on how old your ds is

BYOSnowman Fri 12-Feb-16 19:19:58

Ds is 8.

Yes in that situation he shouldn't have got involved - he was worried about his friend because the other boy can be quite rough and he has been in the same position and it freaked him out! I told him in that situation he should tell the teacher who was obviously close by.

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