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Wwyd- 5yo and "fat" comments

(7 Posts)
KanyesVest Mon 14-Dec-15 23:17:00

DD is 5.5yo and in reception equivalent. A few weeks ago she was very upset when I got out her new puffy winter coat and said she "didn't want to look fat" (for context, she's smack on the 50 percentile for weight and height). After some gentle chats with DD it emerged that she doesn't think she looks fat but was afraid someone would say she looked fat in the coat. I spoke to her teacher who was shocked but great, and has done some very general work around size and shapes in all contexts, etc, etc. Around the same time, DD mentioned a boy in her class who was teasing her about a nick name she has always called her best friend, also in the same class. Today, DD mentioned this boy said she looked fat in her coat. sad

Thing is, the boy in question is a lovely child. He was in the same preschool as DD and her bestie, and I know his mum quite well. He's had some trouble settling into school and I think is trying to find his place by being a joker. DD is very sensitive so tends to take this kind of thing on board, where a child like ds would barely notice it.

I'm not sure if I should tell her teacher that this boy has said something specific to DD. Any thoughts? My biggest concern is that he's saying more than this isolated comment and she won't tell me as she doesn't want to get him in trouble, but I don't want to be making a mountain out of a molehill either.

irvine101 Tue 15-Dec-15 09:19:15

If the boy is lovely, is he just saying those things to get your dd's attention?

But still, your dd is feeling sad about it, so I would talk to the teacher, but not as to accuse the boy, but to find out why he is doing this to her.
Teacher might be able to talk to him about being nice to other children etc.
Maybe he just wants to be her friend, just don't know how to.

KanyesVest Tue 15-Dec-15 14:13:16

Thanks Irvine. Yes, he is a nice kid, and he and DD would be fairly pally (at each others birthday parties, for instance) and they sit at the same table although everything in the class has split very much down girl/boy lines from what she tells me. I get the sense that he's trying to find where he "fits" in the class and maybe he feels a bit safer to push against DD because he knows her but doesn't fully understand how it makes her feel. I'll see if I can get a minute with the teacher before the holidays next week so she can keep an eye on it .

Witchend Tue 15-Dec-15 14:33:15

Dd2 (who's the very definition of a line) came home in reception saying she was fat. Child who'd said it (another girl) I have never heard (they're now 11yo) say or do anything nasty. Genuinely lovely child.
I can only assume it was something out of context.
I mentioned to the reception teacher briefly, that there did seem to be comments on size, she kept an eye on it, but it didn't come up again after that week where it came up several times.

YeOldeTrout Tue 15-Dec-15 17:49:32

"Coats are supposed to make you look fat. That's how they keep you warm!"

"Well you don't look fat to me, and it wouldn't matter if you were. He only said that to annoy you. He probably calls the twigs on the playground fat too."

Fat is a term of mock endearment around here, anyway (lots of "fatfacer", esp at the greedy cats).

KanyesVest Tue 15-Dec-15 19:04:27

Trout, that's the tack we, and the teacher, have taken, lots of chat about fat squishy pillows, duvets, coats, etc. It's difficult to get DD to answer back, she is too like me a people pleaser and doesn't want him to feel bad if she's "mean" back. Plus he seems to have an answer to everything... When we told her to tell him she was calling her friend a nick name, she said he'd just call it a "knickers name" (I found it hard not to smile, bad mother blush ). Anyway, I left a message this afternoon to talk to the teacher before the end of the week.

YeOldeTrout Tue 15-Dec-15 19:26:06

DD went thru a phase at about age 9-11 when she was vile tongued. Honestly, like living with a merciless verbal wasp. Foul.

The positive side is that she A) learnt to tone it down, and B) now has a comeback for anything & everything. Taught her brothers, too. I was useless as a child at verbal sparring, so easily bullied, & quite grateful for the DC who can do it.

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