Year 6 residential...help

(21 Posts)
MavolioBent Sat 28-Nov-15 15:48:02

Ds2 is in y5 but we have recently had the letters for the y6 residential. He isn't sure if he wants to go or not and I am not sure whether I should push it or just let him stay home.

His brother went last year and loved it. We were reassured by the teachers that there is so much going on there isn't the time for them to sit around feeling homesick. Ds1 has also said that there is little down time on the trip.

Ds2 went on a cub camp 18 months ago which I blithely assumed he would love as ds1 always had and Ds2 is an outgoing busy sort of child. He hated it and tried to get akela to get me to pick him up. He stayed but ever since has been saying he doesn't want to go on the y6 trip.

I don't want to force him but I am worried his he will feel after if all his friends are talking about the trip and he wasn't there. He has had some friendship issues recently and I don't want him to be even more left out. But I also don't want him to be unhappy.

Any advice wise mnetters? He needs to decide by Feb as that is the latest the non - refundable deposit is needed by. (Which I really can't afford to lose)

TeenAndTween Sat 28-Nov-15 15:59:47

So he will be around 2.5 years older than when he went to Cub camp?

DD2 was unsure about her y5 residential last year (had only ever had 1 night away from me, and was also worried about some of the activities). We worked with the school to get her feeling OK about it, and she went and enjoyed herself. And since then has been so much more confident and mature

Y6 residential will be different from cub camp (better accommodation, no washing up to do etc).

I would maybe try the 'well you were too young for cub camp, but you are much more grown up now' approach. (Presumably the worst that could happen is you have to collect him?).

I suspect he could feel very left out if he doesn't go.

MavolioBent Sat 28-Nov-15 16:12:47

Yes that's my worry, that he will feel left out.

I was hoping that as he would be older when y6 trip came round he would feel happier about it but the school have moved the trio from the summer to October outs self blush so we are having to address it earlier than expected.

He did manage to stay at a friends for a sleepover recently. I was thinking I might see if he can stay at my mums to get him used to staying away.

I really want him to go as I think he would really regret missing it.

Picking him up won't be an option as they will be 4 hours away. If he goes he is there for the whole 4 days smile

IguanaTail Sat 28-Nov-15 16:15:29

Presumably you can pay a deposit and have a think? He will feel left out if he doesn't go. Perhaps show him a few photos of where he will be going so he can see where he will sleep and the sorts of things he will do? Might well be fear of the Unknown.

yeOldeTrout Sat 28-Nov-15 17:06:26

I had to pick up DS from a trip that I talked him into going, the school bald-faced lied about the room-sharing arrangements. I didn't listen to him because I had paid money I didn't want to lose.

I would never again pay a deposit down for my reluctant son, no way. it's absolutely fine if they don't go.

yeOldeTrout Sat 28-Nov-15 17:07:46

xpost... you will have to pick him up if his behaviour is awful or if he becomes very ill. 4 hours away or not. Different DS went on a trip last yr that was 6 hrs away & I had to budget for getting him if he had a meltdown (luckily all went fine).

admission Sat 28-Nov-15 18:33:29

There is no doubt that a properly run residential for year 6 is a massive boost to the pupils. They are actively engaged all the time they are away and your child will miss out significantly if they do not go.
I would assume that he is going and plan accordingly.

MavolioBent Sat 28-Nov-15 19:07:51

Thank you all for replying.

I think I will just pay deposit and keep talking it up. I want him to have the option.

As I say ds1 went last year and really enjoyed it. I know it's well run and trust the teachers. I think from talking to him that Ds2 is mostly afraid that he will be anxious when he is there.

I guess what I need to do is really sell it smile

From talking to the teachers the change in the time of year is down to the team building aspect of the trip.

Happymummy007 Sat 28-Nov-15 19:56:53

My DD went away two years ago in Yr 3 for her first, two night, residential. It was an unmitigated disaster. It poured with rain for the entire time (we're talking monsoon conditions here), and she was poorly and dreadfully homesick. She has now moved schools and the Yr 5 residential (in May) is for 5 days (!). Like you, I don't want her to feel left out if she doesn't go, especially as almost everyone will go and as she's moved schools she wants to cement friendships. However as the last one was so unbelievably awful, I don't know what to do.

At the moment my DD is undecided - but I have said that if she goes then I shall stay in a nearby hotel for a couple of nights so that I'm on hand if she wants to come home. I'm also planning on going into her new school and explaining what had happened last time (she was bullied on her return to school, a situation which was exacerbated by her miserable time away).

I only ever went on two school residentials in my life - and hated both of them. It doesn't help that the teachers who organise them are very outdoors-y types, and simply can't imagine why anyone WOULDN'T want to go away, climb walls, go abseiling, gorge jumping and canoeing. TBH it's my idea of hell, although I have to say that I've been very, very careful not to tell our DD that. I sympathise with your decision - you really are not alone.

MavolioBent Sat 28-Nov-15 20:27:55

Thank you happymummy sorry you are facing these issues too. It's hard when they are so unsure especially if you didn't enjoy these trips either.

I'm the opposite and loved the outward bound type trips. Ds1 loved it too and was really proud of himself for facing things he found hard.

Ds2 is sporty and competitive so I would have thought this kind of trip would be enjoyable for him and honestly believe if he goes he will get on really well.

Fortunately the teachers at his school are lovely and encouraging but not likely to force him to do anything or make him feel bad. In fact I think I might have a word with them.

Ds1 is showing him photos from when he went and really encouraging him to go which is helpful.

Seeline Mon 30-Nov-15 09:18:34

Do talk to the school about - it is so much easier if they know the situation, and know what your ultimate aim is.
My DD went last summer, and there were a couple of children who still hadn't really decided the week before, but the school were supportive and kept encouraging.
In the end the vast majority of children did go for the 5 days, and as far as I know had a brilliant time.

Millymollymama Mon 30-Nov-15 19:31:32

I am a school governor and we have just been agonising over the price of our Y6 trip next summer due to lack of children signing up. Luckily a financial crisis was averted and all but one child is going. Our trip is the week after Sats so the parents of this one child is going away for an extended holiday and missing Sats as well!

I think it is a fabulous opportunity to cement friendships when the trip is in October and not going will not be helpful. I also think it is fear of the unknown. I would ask the school what the arrangements are if a child is not happy to do a particular activity. My experience has been though that even the most reluctant children have fun and would not have missed it for the world. They are kept very busy! Mum nearby would be a disaster in my view, especially if the DC knows you are there. Don't make it difficult for the teachers! It is already a stressful week.

MavolioBent Mon 30-Nov-15 21:55:37

I really wouldn't even try to be nearby! Apart from anything else I have 3 other children who need me.

I am going to speak to school but I'm hoping the fact all his friends are going and he doesn't want to be left out will over ride any fear. I do agree that it is fear of the unknown that is the problem. He says he is worried about homesickness and missing me.

I will keep emphasising the experiences he will have and how lovely it will be to come back and tell us all about it.

MavolioBent Mon 30-Nov-15 21:58:09

Just to add what I am finding hard is that I suffer anxiety myself and have to push past such horrid feelings all the time but I just don't want my lovely boy to feel that way sad

madamehooch Mon 30-Nov-15 22:20:45

My DD refused point blank to go on her school residential. Nothing I said could change her mind - she just didn't like to stay away from home.

She's now 16 and has been abroad several times with her secondary school. In February she is due to go to the Philippines.

Your DS will get there in his own time

Geraniumred Mon 30-Nov-15 22:40:15

My dd is debating the yr 6 trip. She survived the yr 5 one although was very weepy at night. The year 6 one is to somewhere bleak in Feb with rumours of ghosts and a teacher that she doesn't get on with. I'm not overly keen for her to go tbh. She would probably enjoy the days, but isn't too good at nights.

Happymummy007 Tue 01-Dec-15 09:48:17

All of these messages are actually making me feel better! It reminds me that I'm not on my own. Geraniumred's comments in particular hit home - particularly the phrase "She survived the yr 5 one". That's how we felt about the trip in Yr 3.

I am in two minds whether to stay nearby, should my DD go away (which, I have to stress, we are encouraging her to do). I think what I shall probably do is stay nearby, but simply not tell her (although the school will be informed of course). TBH I'm not bothered at all about making the teachers' lives harder - whilst I sympathise that they are "on duty" 24/7 whilst away, my ONLY concern is the welfare of my DD, and anything that might help her go and enjoy the week is a good thing.

I agree that talking to the school beforehand and expressing our worries is a sound and reasonable idea, although our previous school simply ignored all of our comments. However if you trust the school then I'm sure it will be a trip to remember (for all the RIGHT reasons).

Geraniumred Tue 01-Dec-15 16:08:49

My dd really enjoyed the days and was lucky to have a lovely teacher to be kind to her at night and she didn't stop talking about it for days afterwards. But it is a hard decision.

MavolioBent Mon 17-Oct-16 19:33:34

Just coming back to this thread to update if anyone is facing a similar situation.

Ds2 left for this trip this morning! Very excited if a little anxious but he has gone.

He seems to have grown up a little since I posted here. Once we were settled that he was going and some of the,friendship issues had been addressed he started to look forward to it. smile

OutDamnedWind Wed 19-Oct-16 23:42:35

Oh well done him (and you!) smile I hope he has an utterly fab time! wine and cake for you!

megletthesecond Wed 19-Oct-16 23:54:29

Glad to hear he's gone smile.

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