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4 yr old not settling

(8 Posts)
Mumtobe2ndtime Wed 25-Nov-15 21:58:35

I am looking for some advice. Our 4yr old started school in September. He didn't take well to being there all day and so between us and the school decided for him to do half days. He was still very disruptive, causing damage to school property and can get violent. He is the sweetest boy at home but when he gets upset and passes his tipping point can be very difficult to calm down.
He is now staying till lunch, goes in to school ok but becomes very quiet and does not like entering the class room. The school find it hard to look after him on a one to one basis and he disrupts the class and does not seem to be enjoying it at all.
He has mentioned being picked on by one boy in his class which I have informed the school about. He just doesn't cope with having to do as he is told and changing from one activity to the next. He will not sit still at carpet time.
Unless I see him in the enviroment and what upsets him I am at a loss as to what I can do. My sister has said to ask the school to give him one to one supervision if that is what he needs? Is there an underlying behavioral issue that causes his inability to cope? Is it the school? Do I try somewhere else? I don't think keeping him out of school would do him any good. Is the class too big and feels lost maybe and this is for the attention he wants? He is bright, enjoys doing school work and reading at home. The school have been very patient but I don't think calling him a naughty boy and asking him to change his behavior is going to change anything almost 12 weeks in to school now and no change.
Do I go see a professional? Should the school help with this?
I would love to hear from other mums who have had similar experiences whom may be able to help. It is so upsetting that my poor boy is not happy, I try and work full time but I am there for him whenever he needs me. Work is suffering, home life is suffering because I have to work from home to catch up when the kids go to sleep. M also seems to be getting in bed with us every night now, is scared of being on his own and I don't want his bubbly self confidence to be destroyed over this.

Kanga59 Wed 25-Nov-15 22:12:53

My son started school in sept as well and is a June birthday. He's very bright but very me, me, me and has his own agenda! Even now he doesn't like tidy up time at school or unexpected changes in routine . He struggles with empathy but this will come with time, he is only four.

I spoke to his teacher about it and she put my mind at rest by saying to give him a break. He is only four and is a lovely boy. I am sure the same is true of your son.

At home, Things to help would be to have firm boundaries at home. Make sure he is starting to get dressed and undressed at home. Wiping own bottom. Give him special little jobs to do to make him feel a sense of ownership and being grown up. Encourage tidy up time at home.

What does he love to do? Does he Sit still for anything yet at home? Is he an only child? Did he go to nursery?

School should be able to tell you by now what his triggers are and together you can (if they haven't already off their own back), come up with solutions.

He is adjusting to the authority. And pushing against it. But the fact is, he needs to learn to work with it and I'm not sure doing half days, thus avoiding the problem, is the answer.

Kanga59 Wed 25-Nov-15 22:17:19

I'd have big issue if they are calling him a naughty boy. That is totally out of order. He is four. The school should have experience of this and not give him a sense of being naughty at such a young age. How is labelling him naughty going to help his school life.

If the school feel that a Sen review is needed I am sure they would suggest it.

It sounds like school has really knocked his confidence the poor thing. Can you do some role play or reading at home that will allow him to tell you how he is feeling so that you can empathise and let him know that his fears are normal and ok. And give him some tools of coping with school.

Get the TA on side as they will have much more time for him during the day. It sounds like he needs reassurance as he feels like a fish out of water.

Mumtobe2ndtime Wed 25-Nov-15 22:29:54

Thank you these are very encouraging replies. Definately getting him to do more for himself I do try maybe I do give in a bit too soon. He has an older brother, enjoys showing off what he has learnt to which he can concentrate and sit still very well. he went to nursery but didn't settle there too well. His friends have moved up with him only one of which he thinks of as his good friend. Thanks kanga59.
Maybe a Sen is worth exploring. This is reassuring

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Wed 25-Nov-15 22:35:48

How does he managed at home? Do you do a lot for him? Is he expecting the same at school, like fetch his own drink, ask for help if stuck? Is he used to your undivided attention at home, and now has to share? Can you sit in on a lesson?
Are any children winding him up for a reaction?

waterrat Sun 29-Nov-15 13:16:15

I would consider taking him out and keeping him back if he does like it.

KohINoorPencil Sun 29-Nov-15 14:17:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crossroadsinmylife Wed 02-Dec-15 18:12:16

1:1 is never going to happen. Not even remotely possible. There are dozens of kids in pretty much every school in the country who would benefit from 1:1 for 1001 reasons. Just not possible.

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