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What is your household income if you pay for private (prep) school and are we being selfish?

(25 Posts)
ag123 Mon 02-Nov-15 22:05:08

We have just been offered a place at the prep school ds is currently in the nursery class at. We are about to decline the place because we think it's just going to be too much to afford.

Ds is really happy there and seems to thrive on the slightly more structured environment after having attended a wonderful free-flow nursery previously that he just wasn't happy at. I feel so guilty at the thought of moving him, though we did intend to use this year to decide whether it really was affordable or not.

Dh's salary is now £100k. I have just taken redundancy from my teaching job (the timing coincided with the birth of dc2). We live in London.

Rivercam Mon 02-Nov-15 22:09:07

If you can't afford it, then thats perfectly alright. You need to decide what's best for your family.

Congrats on birth of dc2

Smartiepants79 Mon 02-Nov-15 22:12:17

Only you can decide if it is realistically affordable in the long term. No one can work that out without a lot more info.
Also what happens when your second child is old enough for school, could lead you afford for both of them to go?
Personally I wouldnt start him somewhere unless I was completely sure that I could manage to keep him there and send his siblings as and when necessary.
Have you looked at local schools? Reception class in most schools will seem structured when compared to a free-flow nursery.

GinandJag Mon 02-Nov-15 22:13:52

Have you done a budget?

Notcontent Mon 02-Nov-15 22:16:48

I think being in London makes a difference because housing costs are so high. I earn about the same as your husband and decided I couldn't really afford it because of my large mortgage and also childcare costs (as a lone parent). But I also didn't want to be in a position where we had no money left for treats, holidays, etc.

Threeunderthree33 Mon 02-Nov-15 22:17:26

Is £100k gross or net? If gross, then he will be taking home £65k. School would be £15k per child. Seems like a high proportion to me. We have a bigger take-home and opted for state. We may switch at 7 or at 11. DC in reception does very similar work to friends at private.

BabyGanoush Mon 02-Nov-15 22:18:52

can't see any selfishness?

Do what suits you, and choose a place you like best.

BlueEyedPersephone Mon 02-Nov-15 22:30:40

We take home gross 80k and send one, I weighed it up and by the time the wrap around care was included it works

fleurdelacourt Tue 03-Nov-15 09:38:37

Am not going to comment on the finances as there are so many more elements than salary and school fees in that equation. I will just say that a single salary of £100k in London would not be enough to put 2 kids through private school from age 3.

But you aren't being selfish on any level. Moving a kid from nursery to reception is a very normal time to move. Kids are very adaptable and he will join a new group of peers at a primary school. Then if you do decide to go private at secondary you have a few years to save up.

plantsitter Tue 03-Nov-15 09:42:34

How is it selfish? You're doing what's best for the family, and DS is part of that.

Don't think 2 kids through prep school is affordable on 100k unless you are mortgage/rent free.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers Tue 03-Nov-15 09:43:55

Our net would be more than yours and we don't consider that we can afford private for our two.

It would be more selfish to start him at the private school and then have to pull him out in four years because you can't pay two sets of fees.

ag123 Tue 03-Nov-15 09:44:15

Yes 100k gross. I just feel bad because we probably could do it but it would basically leave no money for anything else at the moment. Also DH is still quite young with lots of room for progression in his career so maybe in a few years time we'd be able to afford it, so keep wondering if we should just suck it up and pay for now even though that will leave us very short just to keep him there...

To be honest we were hoping we might have a contribution from the grandparents, who have offered us some money for the house (we were going to ask to use the money for schooling instead) but we brought our dilemma up in conversation and dmil said 'well I'm not sure I agree with spending all that money on education at this age' so we thought it wasn't worth asking.

Only1scoop Tue 03-Nov-15 09:46:07

Ours is considerably less than 100k and we have dd at private prep.

We are not London though so huge difference in property outgoings etc.

I don't think selfish comes into it. It's about being realistic and forecasting the costs for the next x amount of years.

Only1scoop Tue 03-Nov-15 09:47:46

Reading your last post.... if it will leave you short I wouldn't consider it.

ag123 Tue 03-Nov-15 09:49:52

Anyway, you're right, whatever happens it is unlikely we'd be able to afford private for two children from 3-18. I just wanted to hear that other people with a similar household income weren't easily affording it I think...

FartemisOwl Tue 03-Nov-15 10:50:04

We're on about the same with one wage at the moment and planning to send DD to prep school, but we're in the midlands rather than London, so probably don't have anything like the living costs that you do. Of course, I'm planning to go back to work (maybe) eventually as well. I don't think you're being selfish, you have to do what's right for your family.

Pumpkinnose Tue 03-Nov-15 18:10:22

Well we are on higher household income, also London and don't feel we can afford private. Subject to what jobs we are in at the appropriate time then hoping it may be an option at 11.

GinandJag Tue 03-Nov-15 18:11:21

We have privately educated five on a similar income.

AllChangeLife Tue 03-Nov-15 18:24:46

I'd not worry about private primary and save up if you feel so inclined, so that if private secondary school is an option (when there will have been an increase in salary presumably) then you can do that.

I think it is more important at that age anyway (prep for exams etc)

AllChangeLife Tue 03-Nov-15 18:26:03

Oh, and not being selfish at all - tis weighing up the pros and cons...! :-) If it would leave me tight/not being able to go on holiday/have family days out etc, I wouldn't....

goingmadinthecountry Tue 03-Nov-15 22:19:56

ginandjag, how??? I'd love to know.

Muchtoomuchtodo Tue 03-Nov-15 22:25:17

Personally I would enjoy living life as a family for primary, or KS1 at least. That gives you time to see how your DH's career progresses, whether you return to work and if your family do give you some money towards your mortgage then you may have a slightly lower monthly payment.
Reception will be more structured than a free flow nursery.

nightsky010 Wed 04-Nov-15 03:52:46

GinandJag
I'm also very curious to know how you managed? Were you able to get bursaries? We're the fees especially cheap?

OP
Depends what sort of life you want? Some people consider it a good work life balance to give up holidays and move to a smaller home to pay for private and some don't. What do you want?

My DC really struggled with the free flow nursery and has thrived in a structured environment, so I see your dilemma.

didofido Wed 04-Nov-15 07:02:50

If you could now afford the fees for one child perhaps you could consider teaching at the school yourself when DC2 is ready to start? At most schools this triggers a very large discount.

GinandJag Wed 04-Nov-15 07:57:04

I wish! Almost £5k per term.

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