Black working class boy

[Anthonysmummy1234]

In a few schools I've visited it seems as if my son will be the only black child in his class, and part of a working class background, when he starts reception.I worry if this will be a problem. Any parents where there child is from an ethnic minority group and one of the only ones in a class?

[Anthonysmummy1234]

@Arfarfanarf Do they realise they are different and that nobody else is like them in terms of colour or race. What are the ages of your children if you don't mind me asking. Also how well do you get along with the other parents? Do the children have several play dates etc

[drspouse]

One of our DC is mixed race (adopted, birth father not known for certain, not Black African but must have been pretty dark skinned as this DC is about the same skin tone as my half-Jamaican adult friend).

From what I've been reading it makes a difference if home and the surrounding area is mainly white, mainly black or a mix - if you don't see anyone like you at home OR school OR anywhere else then some teens especially start to wonder if they are actually deformed in some sense (rather like a child with a disfigurement, who also never sees anyone like them). We know in our area that out of school clubs are mainly White (a lot of the Asian Muslim families don't send their children to clubs) so that leaves school.

Children start to realise what their skin colour is from very early - before 1 year old.

If you want to investigate your selection of schools you can look at the stats on schools in your area.

You can download the School level data here. You can filter the Excel file for your local authority and for primary schools, and then you can sort by the perecentage of White British (or if there are a lot of one other ethnicity, by that ethnicity).

We've had a couple of people ask why we won't consider a 96% White British school for our children but it just seems really unfair to put a child in a class where they will certainly be the only person who looks like them. It is like putting a girl in a class with 29 boys. Sure, she'll make friends, but she'll also start to feel very isolated, even if all the boys are lovely to her.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

I'm from the opposite end of that in that DS2s best friend through most of primary was "the" ethnic diversity in the school. DS2 came home from school on day 1 and said he had a new friend with a brown face and that was the one and only time anything was ever mentioned. The boy was naturally in and out our house a lot when they were young and as far as I and his parents are aware, he didn't have any issues in school. The family moved away when the boys were coming up age 10 and apart from a few sporadic communications at the beginning we haven't heard much from them and nothing at all for the last two years. DS2 was initially devastated but has new friends at high school now. On the counter to that DS1 was bullied at primary . It's usually not about race etc, it's about personality and being quiet - DS1 is borderline aspergers.

I don't recall DS2s friend saying anything about feeling left out or different but who's to know really?

[Anthonysmummy1234]

Thank you for your replies.
Arfarfanarf- does your eldest prefer being in a more diverse environment now or do you believe it doesn't make much difference.

Drspouse- Thank you for the information on the school level data

Me and my partner are both black and we have black family, we live in London which is extremely diverse. But like yourself I'm not comfortable with him being in a school where the school is 96% anything(white,females, black) especially in an area that is so diverse. He may be fine but I'm not sure if he will have identity issues or feel different and left out(as he is aware of his colour).

Myotherusernameisbetter yeah my boy is a very likeable character so i do believe he would make friends but I don't feel he would be bullied for being different but more if he'd feel left out or uncomfortable at times or whether he'd develop identity issues.


Also I feel it's not just the colour/race issue but also the issue of class that could be an extra added problem.
I know people say we are all different people are colour blind and shouldn't make it a big deal, but people are not! Colour exists! so do class differences/divides.
My schools were all very mixed so my best friends throughout my school years were English, half English-Pakistani, Iraqi, Caribbean, Iranian so it was never an issue for me coming from schools that were extremely mixed and quite working class(inner city vibe) I'd say.

[minimalist000001]

Our school has one Asian girl and black boy in a class of 30. I'm so glad they attend as I dislike how white the area is

[Anthonysmummy1234]

@Minimalist000001 how are they getting on? How do the teachers and children respond to them?

[drspouse]

You are so right that it's impossible to be colour blind. People who say they are, are the ones who think race/colour is a dirty word so never talk about it. But my take on that is, if we don't talk about it, we're leaving it to racists.

It's a bit odd that there's a school like this in London! I thought you were going to say you were in a rural area.

Though oddly where we live there are 2 schools within half a mile and three within a mile. One is 96% white, but the other two are about 30% ethnic minorities, and I suspect it's partly because of location but also a self-sustaining thing, if the school is mainly white, some people will choose the other schools that aren't.

[Boleh]

I was a child in a school where we had 2 black children and one Asian in a year of 100+. Honestly from my perspective as one of the majority white kids there was maybe a day or two of vague interest that they looked a bit different and that was it.
I obviously don't know what the experience of those children was but I didn't observe them getting treated any differently by children or staff. Possibly because we were from such a 'white' area as kids we had absolutely no preconceptions or issues with people of other races, your situation might be a bit different.

[minimalist000001]

All the kids arrived in reception together and just seem to rub along nicely. All the kids were exhausted, accepting, into fairness and wrapped up in the whole new school experience. The teacher would certainly iron out any issues if they arose.

[minimalist000001]

From a parents point of view it will take a while to feel comfortable regardless background.

[lunar1]

My children are white/Indian mixed and if they had gone to our local school that was offered they would have been the only non white children there. This was a big deciding factor in the school we chose, the classes at the school we went with are very diverse.

[drspouse]

I'm interested to see the parents of non-white children think it is a bad idea to be the only non-white child in the class, while the parents of white children think it isn't an issue/there's no bullying/everyone has a hard time settling in.

It does make me feel like I'm not mad for taking this seriously. I've had a couple of friends make me question myself and one with the "there's one Indian boy in my daughter's class and he seems fine" line.

The other thing I was very interested to read recently is just how young children are when they hear their first racist comment ("I won't be your friend because you're..."/"your skin must be dirty"/racist word they've heard from older children). These adults were saying that they almost all didn't tell their parents, either because they didn't understand what the other person was saying or because they felt ashamed, maybe they'd done something wrong (your mum tells you to be nice to everyone and they will be your friends, but this person won't be your friend, so you must have done something wrong).

I'm sure this happens with other forms of bullying, but it makes me wonder if teachers really will see all problems, or if some will never be told to an adult, even at very young ages.

[Autumnsky]

We are an ethnic minority group, and DS2 is the only one of his race in his class. However, he is fine, as his school does has some diversity. Allthough majority are white English, there are some children from East Eruope, some from middle east.So DS2 is quite used to this, one of his friends is from Iran, another one is Polish, and one is from France. DS2 feels quite comfortable.

I think it would be hard for DC if he is the only one who is from an ethnic minority group, but all the other children are English White. If the school is good one, there won't be bully issue, but he would feel he is the different one. If there are a few different ones in the class, he would fee this is normal.

[Madblondedog]

My senior school had 3 black and one Indian lad in over 800 pupils. None of us thought about it, they were just our friends/kids we went to school with. I went to a different primary but they would have been in a similar situation then as it's a very white area. They were hugely popular and did well at school (they went to top unis)

The schools with high white populations will never become diverse if other ethnicities avoid them.

[drspouse]

The schools with high white populations will never become diverse if other ethnicities avoid them.

This is very true but either a) a very large ethnic minority community moves into an area within a very very short space of time and sends 5 or 6 children per 30 reception aged children to a single school in a single year or b) some poor child has to be the only ethnic minority child in the year or the school.

Rather like being the only girl in a boys' school, I'm not particularly keen on my DC being the pioneer.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

Yes, we don't like in a very ethnically diverse area although it is becoming slightly less so. A nearby school is a bit better as it is nearer the local University so has the advantage of a number of foreign lecturers.

Actually having said that, it's not quite true that we are not ethnically diverse, only that the other nations represented locally happen to be white (Italian, Canadian, South African , Australian, New Zealand, American)

[jeanswithatwist]

i live in east london and as of late, have heard quite a few tales from white people, of their child being left out and or picked on because they have a different skin colour. it seems that ethnic minorities are just as likely to be racist as other groups. my dd goes to a school where there is a high percentage of asian girls. all her friends are asian and fortunately, she has never had problems (she has never had a white friend) although shame i can't say the same with some of their mothers......

[Madblondedog]

Do you really see it as being a pioneer drspouse? Not trying to be goady, it just made me sad you saying that.

People of any colour can accept anyone else of any colour. They have have friendships regardless or they may not.

People of any colour can be shitty to those of any another colour or their own.

My best friend from primary was Chinese, had her parents felt like you I would have missed out on an amazing friendship. We never thought about race, maybe our parents did but they all got on fine and again it didn't impact their relationship

[TeaAddict235]

"not Black African but must have been pretty dark skinned as this DC is about the same skin tone as my half-Jamaican adult friend"

God help this child adopted by someone who talks like this. So disgusted by this mindless comment. Serious education needed here.

[lunar1]

I'm quite happy with my decision not to make my children pioneers in an all white school.

[drspouse]

We never thought about race

But I bet you did. Children, adults, nobody can NOT think about race. You can not talk about it, but you can't not think about it. It's not bad to think about it, it's great that different people come from different parts of the world, that their families celebrate different holidays, eat different foods, have different family traditions, and part of those differences includes differences in appearance.

Tea what is wrong with describing my child's skin tone in those terms? I could tell you all we know about my DC's background, but a) that's the DC's story to tell and b) it would totally out me. How else am I supposed to describe my child's skin tone? Or am I supposed to pretend that my DC is white? That nobody will notice that one of my DCs has a different skin tone to the other one? The information about not having a Black African background was for context in this particular thread as it means that my DC won't have quite the same experiences as either my adult friend with Jamaican heritage, or the OP's children with Black heritage. I'm not quite sure what you're getting at here. The fact that I gave some information about my DC's heritage? Or that I indicated something about this DC's skin tone?

Am I allowed to say that my other DC burns easily in the sun and has very pale blue eyes? Or is it wrong to mention skin colour, but OK to mention eye colour? Can I mention that my other DC appears White British but that is not their heritage?

I can tell you that my older DC has already noticed that the two siblings have different skin tones. And if I say "shush, don't notice that, we don't talk about that, we aren't allowed to think about race" then what I am saying to my DC is that it is shameful to talk about their skin colours.