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Reception Class issues

(15 Posts)
twinklesunshine Wed 21-Oct-15 17:01:14


I am looking for some advice as I have no idea what to do for the best.

My son is on his 2nd week of full days. He's an August baby. Absolutely no issues that I know of at preschool and is generally a lovely little boy.

Last week in the bath I noticed a lot of scratches, marks and a bite on his back. I took photos so I could record it, but decided not to mention to his teacher as I felt it was probably just settling in issues and possible rough play. He's always happy to go school so I thought all was ok.

I got pulled aside earlier this week to say he had bitten someone. I've never known him to bite anyone. On probing it seems that someone was hitting him, so he got scared and tried to frighten them off. We have had lots of discussions about appropriate behaviour, hurting other children etc.

Today his teacher has said that he has been aggressive all afternoon and attacking any child that comes near him. She suggested that he only does mornings for the next few days until half term as it could be tiredness.

I just don't know the best way to approach this. I haven't shouted at him, just explained calmly that as there was naughty behaviour at school today he is going straight ribbed when he gets home. He is now fast asleep. I think there are underlying issues in his relationships with other children for him to basically totally change personality over the course of a week, but obviously his behaviour is the main issue and he needs strategies to be able to deal with other children without hitting. I don't want to come across as someone who thinks their child does no wrong, far from it, but I'm worried he's pegged as a trouble maker already when usually he's such a lovely boy.

Anyway, thank you for reading, all advice welcome!

TripleRocks Wed 21-Oct-15 18:36:18

Have you told the teacher about the scratches and bite mark on your DS?

Blueskies80 Wed 21-Oct-15 20:07:12

Does he need to do full days?
Sounds like he is exhausted plus having a child do that to him he is now acting it out again.
Poor little guy. I've an August baby too with similar settling issues and it's just that she is too young to be there full time! Even part time is a lot sometimes. they start so young and are just not ready. Just hate how it seems so often to be the August borns having problems settling in.
Ask the school to have positive strategies for dealing with misbehaviour but basically what I've found works is just cosseting them, loads of affection and time and love and they'll eventually be happier at school. If you can, keep him off if he's tired. Basically anything to ensure his early school days are happy ones.
Good luck. X

Snossidge Wed 21-Oct-15 20:09:31

I find it a bit odd that you wouldn't ask the teacher about bite marks you found on your 4 year old?

Blueskies80 Wed 21-Oct-15 20:09:38

Ps I would definitely speak to the teacher about the photos you took. They should have told you if he was hurt by another child imo, worse if they didn't notice it! Could explain why he is now behaving out of character. Don't be fobbed off! Persist as you know your child and he's not happy (and best to nip it in the bud now). Good luck x

fitzbilly Wed 21-Oct-15 20:18:54

You should have told the teacher he had a bite mark on him! That is serious.

I would worry about behaviour in the class, from all the children, including your DS, but also question why your DS is being so disruptive and violent, he should be so busy learning and being challenged with fun activities that there is little time to be violent.

How are the school dealing with his behaviour? Hopefully coming down very hard on any child being violent so the child knows it is unacceptable behaviour, and then helping the child come up with strategies for coping with negative feelings without hurting others. That's what I do.

twinklesunshine Wed 21-Oct-15 20:54:15

Yes I have told her about the marks, after she mentioned that he had bitten someone. She said she would talk to them collectively about being gentle and playing nicely etc.

I didn't tell her about the bite at the time because I couldn't be 100% sure that's what it was. It's what it looked like to me. He didn't seem phased by it and didn't mention anyone hurting him when I questioned him about it. I made a decision at the time based on that, and I have done my best. I didn't want to cause a fuss if it was just a settling in issue as it's only been the 2nd week they have all had playtime together which I think is where it must have happened. He's not the 1st of my children to go to school and I didn't want to make an issue right at the start if it would just die down itself.

I'm not sure exactly how the school are dealing with his behaviour. Today she said that he was put in a little time out area with some other children to have a quiet few minutes. That's why I was asking for advice. I was thinking I will make an appointment to actually sit down with his teacher and talk about consequences for his actions, because I feel like we had done a lot of work on dealing with it through talking to him etc but it obviously went in one ear and out the other.

Blueskies thank you, I was thinking about asking if he could do half days for a bit longer after half term, and with him having the week off next week hopefully that will help with the tiredness. I am not going to be fobbed off and even though he doesn't seem unhappy there's definitely something going on as he's a completely different child. I'm not sure of how much involvement I should have and how much I should push or just let the school sort it out. I'm more than happy for them to do whatever they need to to sort it, but I'm not sure what that is!

Thank you

findingschools Wed 21-Oct-15 22:25:51

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Wed 21-Oct-15 22:32:05

The children will be learning class rules, and behaviour sanctions. I think you need to back school in their sanctions ... you were in time out because of X and your teacher did the right thing. You do not need to punish at home, just keep talking.

minimalist000001 Thu 22-Oct-15 20:09:51

It's bonkers that you didn't approach the teacher when your son was physically hurt. You may not want to cause a fuss but actually you are his advocate and you need to set a good example to your son of how to resolve issues peacefully.

In the mean time keep talking to your son on the way to school and remind him to talk to an adult if he feels cross about something.

minimalist000001 Thu 22-Oct-15 20:10:28

You could also try role play

Georgethesecond Thu 22-Oct-15 20:13:32

He's exhausted. Maybe he's acting out, maybe he's not the only one. Don't panic. Be firm (as you are) and back the school up. Maybe half days would suit him, maybe he will get used to it by sticking with the full days, they usually do (then they are exhausted again by Christmas!)

You're doing the right thing, they are all settling in. Sometimes there are bumps on the way.

twinklesunshine Fri 23-Oct-15 23:01:17

Thank you for all the advice (and bashing ??) He has done the two half days and has been fine. Lots of talking about appropriate behaviour whilst walking to school, and then I told him that if he was really good we would pop to the shop once I picked him up and get a little present. His teacher got him to draw a picture of what he was going to get. He came out with loads of special stickers and told me that he had one gentle hand and one kind hand. Today has been much the same.

I've put him to bed an hour earlier and that seems to have helped too, although it's now very early so not sure how long he can keep that up.

I feel much better as its obvious now that he is able to behave, and I am hoping it's just tiredness, a week off and a rest should help.

Really appreciate all the advice, it's hard with him being so little and young. I still need to make sure all is ok at playtime but I will tackle that after half term, and there's been no more marks so I think it's settled down.

twinklesunshine Fri 23-Oct-15 23:02:47

Sorry, meant to be a smiley face after bashing, wasn't meant rudely...

irvine101 Fri 23-Oct-15 23:44:07

I really feel your pain, OP.
When my ds started reception, he had a similar behaviour. When I asked him why, most of the cases it happened as a retaliation. Teacher was very helpful, and worked with him not to behave in this way. Soon, he learned violence was not ok whatever reason. I think it was part of settling down issue to a new place.
He was never labelled, and by YR1, actually since spring term in reception, this never happened again.

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