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5yo DS not making friends in new school

(3 Posts)
rainbowdaffodil2011 Fri 18-Sep-15 18:17:23

Hello, We recently relocated and my son has started a new school in year one. He is having some problems mixing with his new classmates. I do not know what the issue is or if it is even an issue! I am torn between thinking it is normal and takes time and then wondering about the other variables such as whether it reflects the new area and different type of people (from mixed inner city to more middle class suburbs) and we have made a mistake or aspects of his personality (perfectionist/never in trouble/ likes to control play but also excellent at sharing, empathy, lots of fun and vivid imagination, and taking turns choosing games, none of these are overriding traits rather I am trying to think and be honest about what I can help him with) which are more prominent/less forgiven when you are new than part of an established community if that makes sense sorry for rambling.... He was very well liked in his previous school and in other settings and whilst things are not always plain sailing I now this! he has never reported the rejection he seems to be experiencing now. Anyway I would love to hear peoples views on how long it takes to settle into a new school and friends to give me some hope/ pointers

MMmomKK Fri 18-Sep-15 21:46:17

Hello there! I think you are being hard on yourself and your son. It's not easy to be a new kid at a school and it takes time!

DD1 changed schools in Y3 and it took her until after the fall half-term to start feeling comfortable. She missed the old school and her friends. She is not the most extraverted child, so it took her some time to start making friends.

Also - I tried to help the process. Asked her who in the class seemed nice - and arranged playdates. Tried to make those playdates extra fun - got little souvenirs for the girls, had them make pizzas, play with make-up, makr dens with furniture, etc, - all so that they'd want to be invited again... And so that DD had a friendly face at the playground.

Playdates can be tiring, and require some work - but I think it's a worth the effort, especially if it helps your child fit in.

Have you met any moms yet? Another way to start is to ask moms you know you get along with.

Good luck!

rainbowdaffodil2011 Sat 19-Sep-15 08:07:20

Thank you for sharing your experiences, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. I probably am being a bit hard on the situation / overthinking it. I guess I thought it would be generally ok from the start as he has always been fine socially and I was not prepared for it to be this hard. Everybody I have spoken to has said it is fine and easy at this age and after a day they fit right on type of thing and this was more or less what I was expecting. It is good to hear that it is normal for some for it to take longer. I will adjust my expectations I think!

I would like to arrange some playdates and I know he would love them. I am just worried no one will come as he describes children not wanting to play with him and even saying they do not like him, wish the teacher had not asked them to play with him and so on. I am sure this is not all the children so will try and illicit names. He does not know their names yet but I will go with this in a couple of weeks I think.

The mums have not spoken to me yet. They seem to have well established friendships already. I have tried making eye contact and have madeone or two passing the time comments and one lady seems to be a bit friendly. My daughter is at the pre school and I have spotted a couple of mums with children there and in my sons class so I am sure this is just early days.

Thanks again

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