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Transfer from village to larger town primary because of unpleasant class?

(15 Posts)
judey Wed 22-Jul-15 17:45:34

DD has place at village primary for Sept. On the surface just what we wanted - good school, lived in the village for years and know many older children. Reality is after a year of gritting my teeth, fighting with staff to make them listen, and lots of crying (to cut a long list short), I don't want her to go. She is the most gentle, kind child. She is bright and highly sensitive. The school has an intake of 13. The other two kind girls didn't get a place. The bully (who has used my daughter as a punch bag for the year of preschool) did. As did two other girls who are physically aggressive and behave appallingly. This leaves just two girls who are OK. I would be ok with this if there was potential to change classes but this is it until she leaves at 11.

I have just paid a deposit on a rental house in a nearby town close to a good primary. It has an intake of 70 and classes change (so heaven forbid if such luck struck twice, at least it wouldn't be forever). Don't know how or whether we'll get her in (oversubscribed but rental house is very close), or even when would be best to try. She will start at village school Sept. I don't even know whether it's the right thing to do.

It's not a knee jerk reaction. I have been unhappy with her class all year. I worry if she stays, she has such a limited choice of friendships, and has a majority of girls around her who aren't very nice and could have such a negative impact on her, but a small school was what we always wanted as she is shy.

Apologies for long post. Anyone had a similar experience? I don't care about academic success, I just want her to be happy and have nice friends.

enderwoman Wed 22-Jul-15 17:53:33

I wouldn't pick such a small school so I'm probably biased but I would change schools despite the fact that I couldn't guarantee that the next school didn't have a similar child.

bingandflop Wed 22-Jul-15 18:06:55

If it was my daughter I wouldn't leave her at the current school for all the tea in China. Far too few friendship opportunities and limited world view.

DarkEvilMoon Wed 22-Jul-15 18:16:13

If you have had problems then they are likely to change. There is only so much that can be done to stop issues in break time and ime the issues don't stop. I would go with your feelings that it is probably not right for her to be in the class.

Millymollymama Wed 22-Jul-15 18:20:33

Definitely change school.

You can sometimes find, in small village schools, that the difficult children can outweight the pleasant ones. Their parents have chosen that school for its pastoral care.

I do hate to think of a very young child being labelled a "bully" at pre school though. Children are very much still learning how to behave with others at that age and you must accept that a child can improve and become a nicer person as they mature. Sometimes very young children just do not understand they are upsetting others so calling them a "bully" when the child may have no concept of what this is, is perhaps going too far.

SocksRock Wed 22-Jul-15 18:22:41

Small schools can be problematic for friendship groups. Our only viable option (wouldn't get a place anywhere else within a reasonable distance) is an intake of 15. So far we have been lucky, DD1 is one of 9 girls in her year and she gets on well with all and a couple of really good friends. DS has just finished reception and seems to have a nice group as well.

But honestly - if she isn't going to be happy, I would move her. A large intake would give her so many more opportunities to flourish socially. I love our small school, but I know we have been lucky with the intakes.

One more to go, and I already know 4 or 5 of the girls in that year group at preschool and so far, so good...

DarkEvilMoon Wed 22-Jul-15 18:27:57

unlikely to change not "likely to change"

Enkopkaffetak Wed 22-Jul-15 19:02:58

I would move your dd but NOT because it is a small school to big school

I would move her because you dont feel a good vibe and a ok relationship with the school. I would move her because your worried about your childs happiness. I would move her because your relationship with the school is not working.

Small schools AND big schools can have issues. Sometimes the best option is to move them and get a new start.

Personally I moved from a big school to a small for my dd1 it was the best situation ever. In 2ndary for dd2 we moved from smaller school to larger again the right decision.

What it always comes down to is how it gets dealt with by the school, If your not comfortable with that then IMO seek differently

judey Wed 22-Jul-15 20:29:14

Thanks for your responses. Very much echo what I feel. I agree it's not the size of the school but just bad luck in terms of the mix of children in her year. Year above is lovely.
Anyone have experience of an in year application for an over-subscribed school? Have we even got a chance of getting in?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Wed 22-Jul-15 20:47:59

I would also move her, if you have a feeling about certain children, this rarely changes, as much as young children do need to learn. I think if your child is shy, she has a better chance of finding similar children in a larger pond. In year applications do happen, ring the LA and find out where you would be on the waiting list. Where are DD other friends going?

jackierussell Wed 22-Jul-15 20:59:33

We are in a similar position and have our dc on waiting lists for other schools, hopefully a place will come up in the next year or two. The intake is 11 and having already spent a couple of years at preschool with the majority we are fairly aware that things are not going to change much once reception starts so are looking for an alternative. We were pretty underwhelmed by the small school feeling. Good luck.

Muskey Wed 22-Jul-15 21:11:57

We moved our dd from a school with a 30 intake to private. The reason was that there were only 11 girls in her class with 2 queen bee types and both took a dislike to dd so she ended up on her own. I only realised how sad dd was until we moved her. If things are not working out you will be better off moving your dc. I felt so bad that I waited until the end of year 4 to move her. I should have done it when the problems started in year 3

Mummyfit Thu 30-Jul-15 16:08:35

I had to move my child from a preschool because of bullying, I agree with MillyMommaMama on labelling a child a bully so young, they are all capable of bullying behaviour at this age but it should be nipped in the bud and dealt with by supervising adults it is concerning it has gone on and will make it more difficult to manage. However if the primary school are good they may be able to handle it well and turn it round I would raise your concerns with them ask about their behaviour and bullying policy and how they encourage relationship building and social skills. If you are not happy with the answers then move.
We moved our son and the nursery improved his confidence and I have seen first hand how they deal with aggressive and intimidating behaviour (that they all do when they are pushing boundaries and flexing their muscles) the nursery also raised this with his reception teacher as he still gets very upset when he sees anyone get hurt and the teacher was very understanding. They also have an excellent policy on behaviour a good teacher can turn around a child that is acting out and sometimes a smaller setting will give the quieter ones more of a voice but a bad or dissafected teacher (or poorly trained and managed) can make things worse.
They are at such a vulnerable age you want them to enjoy school big hugs from a Mum who's been through this, it is heartbreaking to see your child lose confidence x x x

NynaevesSister Thu 30-Jul-15 20:22:16

Put your late application in now. It really varies on the school. You'll need to ask at the school or other parents to get an idea of whether there's much movement. Your place on the waiting list is determined according to the same criteria as admissions, so as you're next door you should be high up.

In the meantime keep the place at the village school or if you really can't bear that look for a place at another school (it is not likely to be a good school). You have the option of deferring her starting date till the term she turns 5.

So in theory you could accept the place at the village school, and if she is say born in the summer, defer her starting until after Easter and hope that a place comes up at the other school.

Hoppinggreen Sat 01-Aug-15 20:13:58

My dd is at a school with th 3x30 per year. Although it has a good reputation I have to say I was worried about the size of it, however I preferred a larger school having been bullied very badly myself at small village Primary.
Dd is quite quiet and shy and I did wonder if a smaller school would be better a di was making the wrong decision based on my negative experience.
However, it's worked really well. She has had a few friendship issues but always has someone to play with and although there are a few " bullies" there are enough other children and space that dd can avoid them.
I would move your child if you can

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