New teacher and child wrong for each other

[Notcontent]

Have you ever dealt with a situation where you and/or your DC knew straight away that their new teacher would be wrong for them? E.g. Because of personality of child and the teaching or discipline style of the teacher?

If so, what happened? Did you do anything?

I can't give details of my situation but it would be helpful to hear experiences.

[christinarossetti]

No, but it's good experience in appreciating that you can't get along with everyone and not everyone will 'get' you, but getting on with people you find it difficult to is an vital life lesson.

[Notcontent]

Christina - as I said, I can't go into details, but it's not a case of just not being a perfect fit. It could have potentially disastrous consequences.

[PurpleDaisies]

Teachers are used to dealing with children with different personality types so I'm sure as the other two posters have said, they will find a way to coexist. What do you mean by "disastrous consequences"? How do you know about the teacher's teaching style/discipline methods?

[Starlightbright1]

My Ds had a teacher who I felt didn't like him, I got him through the year. I would move him schools if he ever had her again.

However I am not sure how you can know.. You can get a feeling however I think you have to find child/ parent to find a way to work..

I also wonder what you mean by disastrous consequences

[QueenOfNothing]

I moved school because of what teacher DS got (in the last week of Y5) and would encourage you to consider it.

The move was a complete success and DS flourished in his new school.

[Notcontent]

This is a public forum so I really can't say much but child in question suffers from anxiety (professional diagnosis, not mine) and various issues. Thrives with the right teacher, but with this one may refuse to go to school.

[QueenOfNothing]

I think it'll be easier to move schools then to get his class changed.

And impossible to change the teacher's attitude / style.

[Galena]

Will changing school make him more anxious?

[icklekid]

I know of parents who were very concerned about particular teachers from 'reputation ' ie. What another parent said on the playground about them. They were fine happy and settled within half a term. I would suggest you at least give them the opportunity to try before you decide it will be disastrous! Try not to let your child know about your concerns. Certainly if it is larger than 1 form entry they would have carefully considered which class and teacher your child has.

[Mehitabel6]

It often turns out far better than you think. The one teacher that I worried about turned out to be the best for DS.

[Chipsahoythere]

I'm a fairly strict teacher but not shouty (unless pushed to my limit!!!). I have some children that have severe anxiety, can't have a stern voice used etc... I change my style for them. I would think your teacher will do this too.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

Hard for people to respond to this as it is so vague. Based just on what you are saying, it seems you have not even given the situation a chance. Hopefully you are not letting your child see this concern of yours or you will just increase their anxiety and transfer your concerns to them.

[christinarossetti]

What does your DS think about this teacher?

I'd suggest that you need to put a positive spin on it for your ds's sake and be prepared to address any problems via the usual channels should they arise.

[prepperpig]

Clearly the classes have already been set and so its too late to change but can't you just speak to the school? Not to "complain" about the teacher but to ask whether a chat with the teacher might be possible at the beginning of term so that you can outline the triggers etc?


I have no experience of state schools (at least not since I left school) but I spoke to my DCs school and asked whether DS2 could have a particular teacher in Year 2, known to be quite strict as opposed to the other Year 2 teacher who was a soft touch and let the children run rings around her. DS2 was a bit "lively" and needed a firm hand.

I was told they couldn't possibly let parents choose but would consider my representations when making their final decision (and had in any event already had the same thought process).

Given that I already knew from an indiscreet TA that the class selection was as simple as picking their favourite children and then shuffling around a bit if it looked too unbalanced, it would have been difficult for them to pretend there was a lot of science to it.

[Schrodingersmum]

As a parent who's DD was like your DS and had a teacher like this for year 6 I would say listen to your gut!

DS was fine with this teacher but DD was nearly distroyed by same teacher and we are still picking up the pieces 2 years later along with CAMHS et al

Only you know your situation truly but your mum instinct is warning you that this is a threatening your DS's wellbeing and you are right to worry

[stainesmassif]

Speak to the head. At least get your concerns raised and on record. It is possible to move children at the beginning of term. In my experience.

[DeeWe]

I've had the heart sink moment when my dc has said Miss X is going to be my teacher, having experienced them before, and from reputation. However so far it hasn't been justified. In fact the one I felt most like that perfectly got my 2nd dc to have her and was absolutely brilliant with them.

Ds, who is a typical young for his year wriggly boy, has the one teacher I hoped he wouldn't next year. One of his sisters had them, and she didn't enjoy the year, but the teacher didn't mind the keen hardworking girl, but her reputation with the boys is very iffy, and I saw it in practice.
However I will certainly give her the benefit of the doubt for now. I sounded delighted when ds told me, and threated dd1 under my breath as he came in to tell her the exciting news, that if she said anything negative. So he doesn't know there are any potential issues. However I know there is, and I will speak up early in the year rather than waiting if there are issues.

[Wolfiefan]

Teachers are professionals. They should be able to work with all students.

[Starlightbright1]

I would worry with what you say about a teacher and anxiety ,what if you move school and the teacher your DC is allocated is the same as the teacher you don't like? or the year after and end up moving school every year.

[Eurosceptic]

OP after my DC endured a terrible year of bullying by his teacher I would say trust your gut instinct. Move your child. You know your child better than anybody else. We couldn't move DC out of his former school for one year due to a shortage of school places. The teacher told us in the third week of the academic year that she hated teaching DC (who is G&T) and did not know how to inspire him or to challenge him when he found the work boring. His teacher for the previous year at the same school had no such problem. The headmaster failed to act on the bullying by the teacher despite our formal complaints. At the end of Year 1 - not a natural departure point for a pre-prep school that finishes in Year 3 - only quarter of the children left for other pre-preps. I regret I could not get DC out of that school earlier. In an ideal world, teachers are all consummate professionals who treat all students equally but in reality, teachers are mere mortals and the odds of an incompetent teacher are material and the consequences can be dire. Why sacrifice your DC's happiness and confidence to the idealistic notion that teachers are "all" trained professionals?

[countryandchickens]

I agree with Wolfie's post in theory but in practice the key words are "should be" and unfortunately it is sometimes the case that a teacher is in all honesty not right for a child.

I tend to think these tend to be teachers who aren't hugely skilled anyway - but where more robust children can shrug them off, more sensitive children can become very distressed.

The main thing is that you are aware of the situation and what it could become (not what it is.) I wouldn't do anything drastic but I would keep a keen dialogue up (teachers are unlikely to upset children who belong to known "fussy" parents - sad but true) and just monitor the situation.

[DoraGora]

I don't know what you mean by disastrous consequences, but, if there is a risk to anybody from the teacher, which is unlikely, then that teacher should not be there. Since it's logically far more likely that the risk to peace and harmony comes from the child, I would look into the possibility of having the child educated somewhere else. ie, in another institution or at home.

School is not a location for disastrous consequences; it's a place for education.

[DoraGora]

teachers are unlikely to upset children who belong to known "fussy" parents

but heads have been known to upset both the parent and the child, with said fussy parent then withdrawing the child in a huff.

[PettsWoodParadise]

I had this issue in Y4. Teacher made spelling mistakes and DD lost all respect. It also appeared after that that the teacher sub consciously picked on DD and we had evidence as to her bias. There were some major fall outs but it was also an opportunity to learn about life skills like not correcting the teacher in front of a full class , learning to find ways to self motivate when teacher didn't reward for top marks so she matured in ways and found reasons to achieve in spite of the teacher so the personality clash was useful as it will be something that happens in later life. We also talked with the Junior Head who observed some lessons and gave the teacher feedback which did improve DD's experience. We felt supported by the school and not seen as complaining. Moving class would have sent the wrong message to DD about how to deal with difficult situations and would only have happened in a more extreme situation. Moving schools would only have been a consideration if the type of teacher we had was typical of the school and / or we couldn't work through the problems with the support of the school.