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Should I worry .. No make that worry more ?I need MRS MRZ and cohorts pls ...

(27 Posts)
BeaLola Mon 13-Jul-15 20:56:06

To give me a good taking too. Pls bear with me - I have none in RL that I feel able to discuss this with.

Okay I know that on MN there are people with lots of amazingly talented children who are all well above levels etc etc. the only Mums I know from DS school have DD like this - tbh though they are all pretty quiet, concentrate ! Have neat writing, are great at crafts etc and are all in top groups etc.

I wish I was one of those laid back Mums who didn't worry but I do. DS has overcome a lot in his life. He is 7 and just about to finish Year 2. We adopted him at 4. He is full on cheeky, noisy , run around boy who hates doing homework, will write stuff as quickly and as minimally as possible and whos handwriting is pretty dire - certainly messy !

He does try hard though and loves school itself. Teacher is pleased with his progress this year. He is tough on himself though - expects to get things correct straights away and gets frustrated if he doesn't. He tends to dwell on where he Is against others eg he took part in sports day and enjoyed himself but then got upset that he came last in race and called himself a loser.

We praise him, encourage him as much as we can. How can we boost his esteem and also get him to care/take pride in his work ? I try to relax about it but keep hearing how much tougher new curriculum is - I try to tune out the friends with daughters all working at 3b and c but it isnt always easy. At 7 I still think he has time to grow into himself/ prove himself but what do I know about education levels and how to succeed in the current day.

FWIW these are the results he came home with
Reading 2a
Writing 2b
Speaking and Listening 2
Maths 2a
Science 2b
Thanks if you got this far .

AsBrightAsAJewel Mon 13-Jul-15 21:05:54

I expect mrz will be along soon. Until then, as a Y2 teacher I'll say DON'T WORRY! Results are fine, with reading and maths above the expected 2B. You are obviously a balanced and fab mum and your son sounds like many boys in Y2.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Mon 13-Jul-15 21:14:31

flowers I wouldn't listen for what other people say their kids got!!

I would only listen to your teachers and your lovely DS.

For the record, that's pretty much what my dd got in year 2 as well. In year two, I was reading MN posts about how gifted everyone's DC were and what amazing levels they were getting. I looked up and dd was running around the living room with a pretend tail shouting 'I'm a lizard! I'm a lizard!' That was a turning point for me!

She's has just brought home the most wonderful report in year 5 and I couldn't be prouder. She's not the highest achieving in her class. But she puts in tonnes of effort and is exactly where she should be.

He sounds like he's doing fine to me smile

ihearttc Mon 13-Jul-15 21:14:37

Im not a teacher but just wanted to say they are pretty fab results for a little boy who has had to cope with being part of a completely different family for the last few years. Id be very very proud of him :-)

MrsKCastle Mon 13-Jul-15 21:17:18

Well, I'm not mrz but can I say that it sounds like he is doing brilliantly? Only 3 years on from adoption and he is meeting expectations in all areas and his teacher is pleased with his progress. He is fine! He sounds like a lovely boy and you are clearly a very caring mum. Keep on with the encouragement, and praise effort and perseverance whenever you can rather than his achievement e.g. 'You worked really hard to learn that tricky spelling' rather than 'Well done for getting 10 out of 10'.

JellyMould Mon 13-Jul-15 21:19:11

I agree with Jewel above - he sounds like lots of other year 2 boys! My boy is at the end of year 1 and sounds very similar re. writing and homework, and getting upset when he makes mistakes.

kippersmum Mon 13-Jul-15 21:24:04

Those results are near enough exactly what DD1 got in Y2. She is now thriving, going into Y5 soon & doing brilliantly, for her & where she should be.

She is also youngest in her class which doesn't help. The children nearly a year older always get better results, just how it is.

Hasn't your son done well!! smile Crack out the fizz and/or lemonade & celebrate with him tomorrow!

ConfusedInBath Mon 13-Jul-15 21:49:23

Those are really good results.
Please relax. He's trying hard and his teacher is pleased with his progress. He's overcome a lot in his 7 years.

slkk Mon 13-Jul-15 21:53:32

Relax! There's a similar thread in adoptions at the moment where mums are a little frustrated for their children whose achievements are perhaps not as visible or as academic as others. Your ds has perfectly good results and seems to have made a great start to his school life.

Zodlebud Mon 13-Jul-15 21:58:54

Yesterday I posted about feeling free from school pressures. I was comparing everything left, right and centre, thinking about tutors for 11+ and all sorts. I was stressing myself out. Then I had an epiphany / mid life crisis and have cancelled all school thoughts from my head. My kids are doing just fine at school. They are exceptionally happy. Of course results and academics are important but not to the extent that they are not allowed to be kids. Now I have this in my head we are all so much happier!!!!

Your son has got some great results. No go worry about what fun things you are going to get up to this summer. I am a firm believer in happiness + confidence = success. Try it!!!!!

ShipwreckedAndComatose Mon 13-Jul-15 22:06:20

That's exactly it, zodlebud!

Lurkedforever1 Tue 14-Jul-15 00:24:11

If it makes you feel better then parents who go about discussing their kids sats levels at the school gates or with parents they know don't have a child achieving the same are tossers. And not doing it because they are genuinely proud, but because they are proud it's better than your child. My child is way above the rest of her small class, it's not something I have ever once felt the need to discuss with any parent from her school, ever. But I'm sure everyone within a 5 mile radius is fully aware of the achievements of one or two that are just slightly beyond average, due to the frequency and depth in which it's publicly discussed. And more important the next child down from mine ability wise and definitely within the bright category, was way below average till about y4, in reverse another girl who used to be in that position has leveled out at average. So especially with your child not having a straight forward start in life I wouldn't worry about his current levels, and especially not compared to what levels some insecure parent has felt it their duty to share with you

mrz Tue 14-Jul-15 06:19:16

I think he's done really well (expected level in Y2 is level2) and he's a credit to you and himself. With a loving caring home behind him and his willingness to work hard he's sure to go from strength to strength.
Well done to you both

Laura0806 Tue 14-Jul-15 10:09:13

Sounds like you both deserve congratulations to me! Exactly where he should be for his age and more importantly, he sounds happy and loved. Well done. Its really hard not to listen to what everyone else is saying but in my experience theres an awful lot of rubbish talked at the school gates! Just smile and nod and go home and crack open the fizz!!

Elsashmelsa Tue 14-Jul-15 10:24:44

Another one here OP saying that your little man has done amazingly well and that is in no small part down to you and the family that you have given him. smile

But I was actually coming on to mention the sports day...

DD is very small for her age (she's just turned 6 and she's only 103cm tall). She's very tiny. She is just finishing Y1 and has just had her second sports day. Last year she came last in every race but the one thing we noticed straight away is how loud everyone cheered for her!!! grin

This year, before sports day she said 'I will probably come last again this year Mummy but I don't mind because it means I get the loudest cheer'.

And as expected, she did come last again in every race. But she did it with a smile on her face while we all cheered loudly, as did all the other older classes and their parents.

So tell him that those who come last always get the biggest cheer and that might cheer him up!! smile

Cloud2 Tue 14-Jul-15 13:35:40

I agree your DS is doing well for his age. And for behaviour, lots of children are like that.So no need to worry at all.

However, You may need to keep an eye on his education for the coming years if you want him to be sucessful in his education. The trouble is lots of shool do settings( I am not against it, and I know it's advantage), but the disadvantage of it is from year 3, there are normally not much movings between the groups. This is according to my DS1's experience. As children are taught differently in different group. Like my DS1's school, children in top group got 15 words spelling, but 10 for middle group and only 5 for bottom group. Just imagine the difference would be without parent's help. For some later developer, this is not very good.

So I would recommond you to check which group you DS is in , if not in the top group, you may need to help him a bit.

tethersend Tue 14-Jul-15 22:03:25

I think you need to think of the other children's good results, and ask yourself if they would have achieved those results had they had the early life experience which your son had.

I can only echo other posters, those are good results.

With regard to sports day, comparing himself to others and not being able to cope with losing etc, I'm sure you're aware that this is a very common reaction in children with disrupted early lives. Their first experiences of themselves can be that they are not lovable, and that they are somehow different from other children who are. They are likely to experience this as their fault, and any comparison with themselves and others in which they are lacking can tap into these very deep seated feelings, and they can experience something like losing a race as evidence that they are not good enough to be loved.

Of course, at 7 a child is unlikely to be aware that this is what causes the feelings, and is unable to recognise why they are feeling like they are, but it's the job of the adults around him to be aware of the reasons and not expect results straight away. How do his teachers handle his upset at losing/not being as good at maths etc? Are they doing any targeted work with him around self-regulation and/or esteem?

Is he entitled to the Pupil Premium? If so, how is it being spent?

As an aside- the loving family home you have given him will impact on his academic achievement more than anything else.

Singleandproud Tue 14-Jul-15 22:10:38

As everyone has said don't worry about his grades he is doing fine and it's very normal for children to put themselves down.

However, if you want to raise his self esteem maybe get him involved in beavers/cubs or something similar something where they learn new skills all the time so everyone starts off with only a little knowledge and he will find areas he excels in.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Tue 14-Jul-15 22:21:13

My kids come last in sports, but I love them anyway. Give boys something they enjoy and they will succeed in that .... Feed what he loves ...In life there are things we love, things we hate and things we have to get on with. I never share results, but the kids know whos brightest... doesnt mean they will be the most successful... schools measure success by grades not happiness. Also ... btw what were your grades at 7 ... ever ask your mates??? Do you think that is a measure of yourself?

BeaLola Wed 15-Jul-15 02:36:57

Thank you so so much to all of you for replying and for advice, tips etc - it really is so very appreciated by me. flowers

Whilst I try to,ignore the tittle tattle of the school mums and the wonderful level 3s their darlings got (I'm sure we'll deserved for some and exaggerated by others) every now and agin I have a wobble about whether we are doing the best for our beautiful DS or whether I should be doing more and helping him more etc - but he's still only 7 and I want him to have fun and not be doing schoolwork every night at home. The only Mums I know closely do only have girls and they are all in top sets and clever and neat etc etc.

Please understand though that we are so very proud of where he has got to and in our minds trying your best is all you can be asked to do and he does and then some more. We do praise him and celebrate his many achievements. But it is hard when he feels like a loser because he came last. Tbh it is complex - he is enthusiastic about school and volunteers for all opportunities that come along. At hi school, you can opt out of sports day but DS never chose that option because as he said " Mummy it's like you say it's about taking part, doing your best but most of all enjoying it " . He was happy to see us supporting him but then on the way home in car he cried because he came last again - I tried to reassure him how proud I was of him taking part and having a go but I think deep down he would just like to come first once . He does have high hyper mobility but does do sports and Beavers outside school and has improved his coordination etc. he likes running around taking part.

He has come a very long way through his own efforts. He couldn't read or write before going to school - which he had to start not long after he came to us as a December born child. He learnt to write in reception to a limited degree and started to read in year 1 - he is now on the gold level.

His teacher said the things he needs to improve on is listening and focus, writing content and quantity/quality.

Any suggestions please?
Also how to get harmonious homework ? I have tried all different sorts of approaches but he always starts from a I can't do it stance and gets frustrated easil if he cannot do it. I know that lots of complex issue from being taken into care are affecting him and I know we won't get there overnight but I want to get him feelling and retaining pride/ self esteem.

Sorry this got long just wanted to thank you all and explain a bit more . He is a wonderful little man.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Wed 15-Jul-15 05:47:05

I think you described most boys. Its known boys take longer to get school, and they lack concentration. They all want to win. They all take not winning to heart. This is what parenting does to you. I have a DD who is good at everything, top sets, etc and she has a melt down at the slightest `Failure` she puts enormous pressure on herself ... DS (twin) loves life, excepts failure, picks himself up and gets on with it. ... Hes more comfortable with himself, happy at school. Theres lessons in both sides.

Cedar03 Wed 15-Jul-15 07:56:45

I think it sounds like he's doing well. With the sports and disappointment do acknowledge it his feelings. It is OK to be disappointed and frustrated when you don't do well at something. I always tell my daughter - who became absolutely furious when she hadn't mastered swingball first go - that top athletes don't get there just like that they have to keep on and on trying to get better.
Try over the summer to get him doing sporty things with you that will build up his skills - kicking a ball around with some control, throwing and catching a tennis ball, play french cricket, running and jumping as high or as far as you can - see if you can jump and touch that branch for example.

With the writing - suggest he keeps aholiday diary or makes a cartoon book. With the maths play games where you have to add up with two dice to practise this, card games with normal cards to practise number recognition. My daughter likes to help work out sudokus and number puzzles. She does these because herDad is doing them ut they are helping her to learn number patterns, etc.
If he likes outdoirs things get him looking at insects or something then look them up online - another form of learning without it seeming like learning.
I wouldn't worry too much about the homework at this stage. He is only 7 after all and has years and years of it to go.

Lurkedforever1 Wed 15-Jul-15 09:37:31

As well as Cubs as a non competitive activity has he tried dancing? Or riding? Or dry ski slopes etc? Would do the double purpose of anything like that being very good for hyper mobility but less competitive at a hobby level. Plus being unusual enough his classmates won't all be 'better' than him already. Usually I think kids do need to learn to lose and 'deal' but for your ds the least he deserves is having that blow softened.
If the teacher isn't concerned don't worry about his writing, it's not unusual at that age at all and especially for boys ( think the stereotype of a male consultants/ surgeons scrawl). Dd can write beautifully, both content and presentation, but only if she considers it important. Which at 11 she includes schoolwork in as well as interest but at 7 unless it was a test she didn't.
Listening wise if it's not an issue at Cubs etc then clearly he can listen when he wants. If you really think it's holding him back you could try one off activities like nature walks, outdoor craft sessions, planned cycle route with him in front etc ( what ever interests him) because he'll need to listen to accomplish it, so two birds with one stone.
If you do want to encourage his writing content do it on a subject he's really into or he believes strongly in. But at 7 anyway I don't think extra work is ideal at home unless it comes up naturally.
I think board games like chess, monopoly, backgammon are quite good because it's not just pure luck, especially chess, and unlike a race or understanding homework it gives the chance to improve and understand without it being clear cut 'can't' or losing because you rubbish. And even when he does lose its not a hopeless i'll never win cos he can reason why. Also good for paying attention which will help with the listening. Fear of getting stuff wrong or getting frustrated at not understanding straight off is also pretty common at that age.
I'm not suggesting you put down other children to him or compare what he can/ can't do better, but nothing wrong with discussing in a complimentary way that jack is really great at football, but Katie is great at swimming, and Lucy is good at both, at 7 he's old enough to spot himself that jack might struggle swimming and Katie at football, and realise nobody is the best at everything.
But mainly you should be very proud, everything you say sounds like most little boys, he started the race miles behind the starting line but he's caught up with the pack already.

Lurkedforever1 Wed 15-Jul-15 09:38:54

Meant to add bmxing or skateboarding too as sports/ activity ideas

Velociraptor Wed 15-Jul-15 10:00:10

OP I really wouldn't be worrying at all. Your DS sounds so much like mine its untrue, and as far as I am aware it is all completely normal and par for the course. If he is trying his best, that is really all that he can do, and it will set him up for success in the future. He sounds like he gets masses of encouragement from you and his teachers, and is enjoying being a child, while exactly where he should be in his education.

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