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Reception taster, DD screamed the place down :(

(21 Posts)
whyhasmyheadgonenumb Wed 08-Jul-15 10:02:19

DD was invited to meet teacher and other reception starters today.
There are only 3 of them that didn't go to the attached school nursery, DD goes to a private day nursery 2 full days per week, I couldn't manage all the wrap around care needed to send her to the school nursery. Generally she is fine, a bit clingy but she's a summer born, timid child anyway.

We turn up and all children were asked to line up ready to go to class, DD starts crying and all other parents looking at her made her very shy so she cried harder. I said I would come to class with her so walked her down and then they told me to leave, DD had a huge meltdown sad they literally peeled her off me, I've never seen her like that. We did preperation, looked at school website, walked past school at home time loads and she seemed so excited to go.

How can I help her? I feel like the most awful mom for not sending her to the school nursery, I've got to find a way for DS to go there.

addictedtosugar Wed 08-Jul-15 10:18:53

WOW, thats a tough induction for a 4 yr old!
We did ours on Monday. Consider that DS2 has been to the school nursery for 2.5 days a week, and has an older brother in the school.
Parents accompanied the child into the classroom, and they were asked to sit on the carpet. Some kids were fine, and Mum was at the back of the room, some Mum's were hovering round the outside of the carpet area, and some Mums were sat on the floor with a child clinging to them.
Kids were then asked to wave bye. Parents drifted out when kids were OK. Not sure what happened to the clingy boy, but Mum wasn't chased out while I was there. (and yes, it was all Mums!)

We were all invited back for lunch, and all the kids faces were smiley at 11.30.

Change is tough when your little, and don't really know whats going on.
Can you talk to her about why she didn't want to go? And how it could be easier? I have "filled" my oldests pockets with kisses in the morning, so he could reach in and get one whenever he wanted when he was going through a clingy phase.

School Nursery isn't the be all and end all - especially if you make yourself ill trying to do it.

littlejohnnydory Wed 08-Jul-15 10:25:04

Could you send her part time until compulsory school age? If you truly think she is not ready to start school you could consider delaying (either until Christmas or Easter or - have a look at the Summer Born campaign - they have a facebook group called "flexible school admission for Summer Borns).

My dd started Reception last year and she is old in her year. We unexpectedly moved house during the Summer and she ended up starting a different school from the one she had been to nursery at, and done the transition day induction. Her first day was as you've described and it was hideous. A big part of me still regrets walking away while sxhe screamed for me. BUT - she has settled beautifully and done brilliantly in reception. She has really blossomed, going from a very shy preschooler to a chatty and confident little girl. She has a great group of friends and loves her teacher. So, it can work out even if the start isn't ideal.

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 08-Jul-15 10:25:37

There's alot of time between now and September.

it was new and exciting and scary and getting overwhelmed is always a huge possibility. loads of children don't get to go to nursery with the kids they will go to school with. There's nothing you can do about that so don't give it any head space. flowers

you do have options though. part time or deferred start if you feel your dd really isn't ready for school. Some aren't it's not anything to be embarrassed about.

teachers will have seen kids cry thousands of times.

littlejohnnydory Wed 08-Jul-15 10:26:04

Our school was a pretty tough start too - parents have to leave at the gate, not allowed on the yard - even on the first day of Reception!!

Ladymuck Wed 08-Jul-15 10:26:05

How did you feel about how the situation was handled? Did you feel that leaving was in your dd's best interests? And how quickly did your dd settle afterwards?

dixiechick1975 Wed 08-Jul-15 10:28:38

Don't beat yourself up re school nursery, my friends dd cried every morning in reception and had been to nursery. Totally fine from yr1.

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 08-Jul-15 10:29:17

I don't think. The tough start is a bad thing either.

In all honesty the classrooms being full of parents siblings pets and cousins twice removed and kids having to shove through the crowds to the toys is equally hard and intimidating.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Wed 08-Jul-15 10:33:57

Thanks everyone for your kind replies, I've calmed down a bit now and am ready to pick her up at 11.30 with lots of praise. I don't know what's happening now but I left my number in case she wouldn't settle and I've heard nothing.

The teachers were lovely, clearly very experienced at handling clingy children and I felt they dealt with her well, I have a meeting with teacher tomorrow so I will definately ask for suggestions and talk about staggered entry, I do work so that could be an issue but ill find a way round it.

DD is always clingy but that was crazy, she literally recoiled in horror when other children tried to speak to her sad she is fine at preschool, always surrounded by kids and talks endlessly about her friends and what they do, she even asks to go In on her days off.

Being a mom is tough!!! Is it too early for wine!!

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Wed 08-Jul-15 10:34:56

I'll man up, you are all right.

proudmama2772 Wed 08-Jul-15 10:39:21

I remember taking my youngest to reception first day and one little boy was hiding in the bushes. It's scary for them. If other parents are staring well that's just rude!!

There are always a few who are really upset and have to be peeled off the parents. She'll be fine.

fleurdelacourt Wed 08-Jul-15 11:20:16

You say she screamed - but usually this only lasts a few minutes? I used to stand outside dd's playschool and listen - and it was over very quickly. She got lots of cuddles and then it was on with the morning.

I'm sure your dd will have had a lovely time when you pick her up - and I'm also sure that if it's an issue in September, the teachers will have various strategies to help.

noramum Wed 08-Jul-15 12:00:42

DD's first play afternoon at Infant began the same. She also attended a private nursery, didn't know anybody attending at the same day and was peeled off me when we entered the classroom.

We were asked to wait in the hall for the one hour they spent there to chat with the head, meet other parents and some of the office/support staff. We could peek into the Reception playground and the head suddenly called me and asked me to have a look.

I saw a happy and smiling DD, playing with the dolls and two other girls.

She was then happy to go the next week (they had three afternoons in total, she went twice) and on her actual first day in school she marched in without actually saying good bye to DH and me.

It may have been uncomfortable in the beginning but it ended very well.

redskybynight Wed 08-Jul-15 12:38:26

How was she once you'd gone? Lots of children are sad to see their parents go (particularly in a new place) but totally fine once they've got on with it.

DeeWe Wed 08-Jul-15 12:45:43

I know it sounds hard but I've noticed over the years 2 things about children crying like that.
Firstly it doesn't take much for the others to be set off. So you can go from one child crying to 10.
Secondly almost every child stops crying much quicker when the mum/dad/whoever is dropping them off goes. Often only as long as it takes them to get out of the door. My oldest is 14yo now, and I've seen reception settling in for 9 years now, and I've only known once child not settle very quickly after that, and for them the mum was called back after about 20 minutes.

The thing is if they'd said that you can stay, then often it makes it worse when they really are starting because they assume you can stay. Or worse they think if they cry you will stay. I remember doing that at 3yo in hospital, when I found if I cried mum stayed longer. And yes, that was entirely my thought process, I wanted her to stay as long as possible, so I cried whenever she got up to go. It was actually quite a relief when she eventually went, because I could stop crying and settle down to sleep. Poor mum. Must tell her at some point. grin

Our school does settling in where they encourage you to bring them in then go. If the child clings then they do let you stay a little, but they do insist you go at some point (you go into the hall) and, as I said I've only know one child not settle within 20 minutes. That's one out of 540 children over the years, and that child had only settled at preschool after 2 terms of going, so they did know she was likely to find it hard.

AmazonGrace Wed 08-Jul-15 13:02:17

Ahh I remember this well, similar situation, ds had attended a private nursery due to the hours I worked, so he knew only one other child when he started Reception at his old school.

What I found didn't help was that parents were allowed into the cloakroom and classroom, to a point. I felt that this made the situation worse as it just prolonged that fact that I needed to say goodbye, also trying to get past a sea of adult legs, parents trying to talk to the teacher etc etc, it was utter chaos and I would have preferred the quick drop off in those early days as I used to do at nursery. A few weeks later we had a letter stating that the teacher would be waiting at the end of the corridor and that parents were not allowed in the cloakroom, worked so much better and by this time ds seemed much more settled.

Give it time, I'm sure your DD will settle in, in no time. It's awful leaving them when they're so upset but I'm sure things will improve.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Wed 08-Jul-15 13:18:35

Well I'm really happy to say that she absolutely loved it. They were say on the carpet listening to a story and they were called out one at a time and handed over, she said 'mummy do you know what? School is AWESOME' I nearly collapsed into a happy heap on the floor. 'Mommy my teacher is sooooooo beautiful' smile
We are going back tomorrow to order uniform etc and she wants to come with me.

So happy, thank you all so much

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 08-Jul-15 13:20:29

That's brilliant smile

spiderlight Wed 08-Jul-15 15:34:45

Awww, that's fabulous!!

bemybebe Wed 08-Jul-15 15:48:19

Great to hear about your dd loving school so much! smile

Just remember, until she is of compulsory school age, which as a summer born she won't be until September 2016, she does NOT have to be at school at all until the summer term and you can send her part time or take her out on any day(s) you wish.

You also can ask the local authority to allow her to start reception next year when she is CSA, but there is a "process" to follow and they don't have to say "yes" (they do have to justify their decision and the decision has to be make in the best interest of the child).

It might be just worth keeping this info in mind (this is from the current Admissions Code 2.16 and 2.17 on page 24)

turdfairynomore Wed 08-Jul-15 15:56:38

Yeah! Great news! I've being teaching P1for nearly 30years and have only ever had one child who didn't settle. It seems harsh-but the quick handover is kindest! Give no hope that you can stay-put the blame squarely on the the teacher/school "I'm not allowed to stay-Mrs Green doesn't allow me"! I'd also recommend that you don't carry your child in-when we "take them" it feels so much harsher if we are removing "all" of you-your hug, your warmth, your smell etc-hold their hand and we can then provide the hug/warmth on handover. BUT my biggest tip.....don't be late for pick up!! And if the children are brought out to you then stand in the same place each day for a while-wearing the same top if necessary so that their eye can go straight to you! And as for being "sooooo beautiful"-we all are! Even those of us who are "more mature"! Can you tell I love my job?! Even all these years later-and even with it being a VERY different job to the one I went in to!!

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