DD being left out

[peppajay]

Not sure if i am being a bit petty but my DD is 10 and at the end of year 5 and on the last day of term the school council/extra ciricular commitee have arranged a showcase of talent at their annual fun day. Basically it isnt compulsory and has nothing to do with the classroom so all practices are done in break or lunchtimes or in the childrens own time. If children want to enter they have do a 2 minute act to a panel of judges which will be teachers and TA's. They can be individual or groups. Everyone knows what 10 yr old girls can be like and we have never ever had a problem there is a group of about 8 girls that she flits from and has a best friend for about a week then it is someone else - she loves school and is very social and as I said friendship issues have never really been a problem. However for some reason no one will let her in their group her 8 friends have spilt into 2 groups one of 3 another of 4. One group are playing instruments and the other group are doing a dance routine, she is so upset as both groups have said no - she got chucked out of her original group the other day for doing a step wrong. Everyone is now ganging up on her and none of the girls in her class will let her be involved. Obviosuly I have only heard 1 side of the story but she is distraught. I have spoke to the teacher and she says is nothing to do with her as is ex cirricular and not compulsory. I am new to all this girly splat malarky as until now she has always sorted her own problems out but she really is upset as she says no one wants her. Do I try approaching the teacher again?? I have suggested she do something of her own but she says that is too embarassing!!! She isn't a worrier and is so placid and social so this is all really new to me. Any ideas of the best way to play it??

[ppolly]

oh I really hate this kind of thing. Basically the girls are too immature to handle the power that comes with being left on their own to organise their own show and the teachers don' t want to get involved. Ask your dd what she would like you to do. I would be half tempted to just pull her out of school on the last day. Although you do say it is not compulsory. What is happening to the rest of the girls?

[SquirrelSquirrel18]

I would just not get involved. Getting teachers or other parents involved might blow the problem up even more.

Support and comfort her when she is at home - listen to her! Chances are she is just feeling a bit hurt and needs someone to vent to.

The teacher will be looking out for her now that you have raised concerns and I'm sure she will try and get her into a group if it's possible.

Unfortunately this will happen again in life - being left out/feeling rejected. Children are at school to grow emotionally as well as academically so let her sort it out with your support from home :).

[Gdydgkyk]

Squirrel thats odd, doing nothing.

As the children are practicing at lunchtime/breaks, it is the schools responsibility. The school is loco parentis in your absence.

[SquirrelSquirrel18]

I'm suggesting that as her mum she does little (not nothing).

I'm suggesting she support her as much as possible from home and to trust that the teacher will help to resolve the issue.

I remember from my own school days that there was nothing worse than parents, teachers or other adults forcing you to be friends with someone. If anything it can make the problem much worse and can cause great hostility.

In my experience, girls tend to work things out eventually. Everyone has to learn how to resolve conflict and if mummy is always there to do it for you then you will never learn. (Perhaps different in younger children but this is a lesson that needs to be learnt before the end of Primary school!)

[Heels99]

What happens at lunchtime and breaks is the schools responsibility the teacher cant Palm it if with 'extracurricular' excuse, it's the school organising the show!
Go to the head of year, deputy or head as the teacher won't support you in trying to resolve the situation. At my dds school thee is a lot of focus on being a good friend, not excluding people etc and they would nip this in the bud.

[mummytime]

I would go back to the teacher and tell her you understand she doesn't want to interfere in the groups for the show, but this is a friendship/social issue and your DD is very upset. What are they going to do?
Stress the ways in which it is affecting her in school and home in general.

I do see why a teacher would be reluctant to interfere, and would hope it will "all blow over". But actually school at this age can be torture, and they have a responsibility to help your DD.

Make sure you are clear that it's not just about the show (although helping her be involved in some other way would be a good thing to do - and do the same with the others who have "opted out"). But they need to help your DD and others throughout the school day, if they have real issues.