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would it be ok to suggest 6yo dd is in a separate class from her best friend next year? she seems to be too dependent on her.

(23 Posts)
meglet Tue 09-Jun-15 09:23:53

dd and her best friend are fine together and have been through reception and now year 1 together. However imo dd is too reliant on her friend and will exclude other friendships because of it .

dd will only do activities if her friend is doing them, only wants to go to parties if they're both going and we're getting the wanting to wear the same uniform moments too.

I think dd needs to have a little space from her friend next year and extend her friendship circle. would I be mean to mention it to the teacher?

sorry for any typo's. am walking to work.

TeenAndTween Tue 09-Jun-15 09:26:26

I don't see why you shouldn't.

"If you are rearranging classes for next year, I was wondering what you thought about having DD separate from XX as I was thinking it might do them good to have a bit of space from each other?"

meglet Tue 09-Jun-15 09:27:16

just to add, all the pupils are being shuffled around for sept. I'm not asking for a one off change just for us!

MMmomKK Tue 09-Jun-15 09:30:08

Of course! A friend of mine did just that and it turned out good for both girls.

whatsagoodusername Tue 09-Jun-15 09:32:24

Sounds like a good idea. I doubt the school would mind a request, especially phrased as Teen put it.

But don't tell your DD or you will be the bad guy. wink

Wishful80smontage Tue 09-Jun-15 09:33:08

I would in your situation I think it would really help your dd. Also is she in any clubs or a summer school event that friend isn't going to think that would help get her ready for when they aren't in same class if school do agree to the change.

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 09-Jun-15 09:34:49

As long as the classes and friendship groups are being shuffled then it's fine.

If they try to keep friendship groups together, it would be a bit mean to drop your DD into a class with already firm friendship groups as it can be hard to find your place.

Faz2015 Tue 09-Jun-15 09:35:52

I think you should... The girls will still see each other at playtime and out of school.. This way both girls will develop their own personality... But do have chat about it with the class teachers.... A few of my friends have done it.. And I'd do it too if my child was too attached to anyone particular... Good luck x

soapboxqueen Tue 09-Jun-15 09:36:11

Absolutely but I would do it quickly as they'll be looking at organising classes soon. If they can't, at least make the new teacher aware that you think your dd could do with being encouraged to make new friends.

SilverBirch2015 Tue 09-Jun-15 09:39:51

I personally think that would be an unkind thing to do. Do you not like her friend? It sounds like DD has a friendship group outside her relationship with her if DD is being invited to parties that friend is not so I cannot quite see what the issue is personally.

DS had a special friend all through is Primary years, as he became older his friendship circle increased and he now has a wide circle of friends. I think this is just a normal development phase.

Enb76 Tue 09-Jun-15 09:41:23

My daughter (same age as yours with same situation) has requested to be in a separate classroom from her friend as she gets distracted and feels she's not allowed to make any other friends as friend cries if she tries to play with anyone else. I've talked to the school and similarly they are all being shuffled come September and the school had already clocked this particular problem. I think teachers are quite aware of friendship difficulties within classrooms so this will probably not be news to them.

My daughter, very maturely, said she thinks they'd be better friends if they weren't in the same class.

cansu Tue 09-Jun-15 09:46:55

I would think v carefully about this. How will you deal with it if your dd is moved and finds it difficult to find a friend in other class? Also she may be v upset and lost if other girl then finds new friend in the other class and is left alone. I think this kind of meddling often does more harm than good tbh. By all means step in and try and help but to do this seems unnecessarily mean to both girls. She has established a friendship which is normal and positive. Girls quite often have close friendships like this when younger.

soapboxqueen Tue 09-Jun-15 09:56:41

There is a difference between a close friendship and one that becomes smothering. I think the op knows her own daughter and the class teachers will have their own views about how the friendship is progressing.

caravanista13 Tue 09-Jun-15 09:59:28

Definitely a good idea! It's exactly for those sort of reasons that schools mix up the classes.

spiderlight Tue 09-Jun-15 10:54:38

The school did this to my DS at the end of Y2. It was well after Christmas this year before we had a morning school run without tears and he's been very unhappy socially, as his friend has moved on and made new friends in his new class but DS hasn't really had the same luck, as the boys he was in with were all in established friendships already - his seems to have been one of the only 'best friends' pairings that was broken up. It's only in the past month or so that he's properly made new friends in his new class and he was very isolated until then, despite me inviting various other boys round to play and trying to cultivate new friendships. I can see the benefits of mixing up groups but in DS's case it felt a bit like the teachers playing God with his friendship and it hasn't been a happy outcome at all.

tobysmum77 Tue 09-Jun-15 10:59:48

I expect that the school have already flagged this tbh. But nothing wrong with checking.

Hexenbiest Tue 09-Jun-15 11:53:55

School did this off their own bat for one of mine - worked well though mine was DC that took time to readjust - she wasn't crying going in though and her friend made sure they saw each other break and lunchtime.

I think it was for the best as other DC family ended up moving before the end of the school year anyway.

It was good though my DC has had to learn to speak up for herself other friend was starting to jump in and not give her a chance. She has a wider group of friends now.

Millymollymama Tue 09-Jun-15 13:26:55

I think it is best for a child to try and form friendships with more than one child. It may be that the "best" friend will find others to play with more readily, but your DD would be devastated if her one and only friend moved away. It is like a bereavement. Therefore trying to have more than one friend is a really good idea. There is no reason why this child cannot continue to be a very good friend. I would raise it with the teacher.

meglet Tue 09-Jun-15 13:35:54

thanks all. I'll mention it to her teacher.

I've realised they would still be in the same ability groups for numeracy and phonics too, so they would still be able to work together as well as play at lunchtime.

I do like her friend by the way! It's more that the friendship seems too intense now that dd wants to copy uniform and out of school activities.

sugarhoops Tue 09-Jun-15 13:43:37

I agree its definitely worth a discussion with the teacher.

My DS was split up from a good (but also tricky) friend when they mixed year groups from yr 3 to yr 4. To be honest, I was going to do as you have suggested and mention to the school, but they were already on the case and did it off their own backs. He has thrived massively since the split and his friendship circle has expanded hugely. Interestingly, DS and old friend don't bother with each other in playground anymore either.

I am, however, also a little anti with regards meddling in kids friendships too much. I have a dear friend who does this quite frequently with her daughter (through well-intention). And rather than teach her how to handle certain situations and friendship issues, she just seems to remove her daughter from any tricky situation, resulting in the poor child becoming rather alienated from all her friends and unable to work out how to resolve issues as she grows older.

Itshouldntmatter Tue 09-Jun-15 13:50:32

We did something similar for my dd and her best friend from pre-school. But I did mention that I was going to suggest it to my dd's bf's mum. She agreed, which is nice. Her bf moved away, and I think my dd would have been utterly destroyed if they had been in the same class because it woul have been her only friend. They are still best friends, mutually so, despite the 100's miles distance, but they have at home friends too.

Mopmay Tue 09-Jun-15 15:18:10

If they are shuffling then defo request it

DeeWe Tue 09-Jun-15 18:53:06

I'm not sure it always helpd them to make friends, and can stop them from making them.

From my observation 2 very close friends placed in different forms.
1. They each make other friends and are no longer close
2. They stay close which means that at playtime/lunch etc. they wait for the other one. Their own form doesn't really want to become close friends with them as they won't play at lunch time as they're with bf.
3. One makes another close friend and the other is lost.

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