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How would you handle this?

(27 Posts)
sammyjayneex Sun 31-May-15 22:23:13


My daughter who is 8 'confided/told' my mum, her nana last night that a girl in her class said something horrible to her and this horrible thing was 'you are supposed to be white, god left you in the oven to burn' now my daughter is mixed race so is brown skinned and i think this has upset her and im fuming. I understand children exploring or being confused about different skin colours but this comment is disgusting and disturbing. Shes been complaining about this child for months constantly being nasty to her but the teacher does nothing. i am concerned. We have expressed our concern to the head but all they do is have a word with the teacher and nothing happens.

How would you handle this???

Millymollymama Sun 31-May-15 23:20:35

Firstly, check that your school has an Equalities and Cohesion Policy which covers racist incidents. It should do. Read it so you can quote it if necessary.

I would say the child's comments are inappropriate and should be investigated by the Headteacher. You should write a letter to the Head, quoting your child, and say that you want the matter investigated and you want a response regarding how the school is dealing with it by the end of the week. If you do not get a satisfactory response, write to the Chairman of Governors pointing out that this state of affairs is in contravention of the policy and that all racist incidents must be investigated. (This will be the case.) The important word is must! If all of this fails, make a formal complain via their complaints policy.

Usually a school will speak to the child and their parents. This definitely happens at the school where I am a governor and language such as this is not tolerated.

Galena Mon 01-Jun-15 06:59:46

Behaviour policy may well also mention racist incidents. But yes, must be investigated properly by head.

Mopmay Mon 01-Jun-15 08:03:13

I'd be looking at the bullying policy.

Millymollymama Mon 01-Jun-15 10:43:50

Although racist incidents are a form of bullying, the school must treat them differently because the law requires this. The Head has to investigate any complaint and must report the outcomes of the complaint to the Governing Body. Records must be kept in the school and these have to be monitored by the Governing Body to ensure its Equalities and Cohesian Policy is actually working. Therefore it is urgent and I would expect the Head to interview the children and the parents of the child who made the comment and report the outcome to the Governors. If they fail to do this, the complaint must be taken further by using the official complaints procedure.

sammyjayneex Mon 01-Jun-15 12:13:29

I've been in to speak to the deputy head and she said she will meet with the girls parents and see my child and as my child what was said ect and they will follow the procedure that they have in which I have requested a copy of. At least the mother will be informed so she can act and actually educate her daughter on race.

slicedfinger Mon 01-Jun-15 12:15:41

What Millymollymama said. I am not currently a governor, but when I was, the Head had to report incidents to us at every meeting. They have to be taken very seriously, but law.

slicedfinger Mon 01-Jun-15 12:16:17

By law, obviously. Daft autocorrect.

LondonRocks Mon 01-Jun-15 12:16:28

Let's hope so. Ignorant idiots, the parents, I mean.

sammyjayneex Tue 02-Jun-15 09:44:16

I took my daughter to see the head today so [daughter's name removed] could tell her exactly what happened and the head informed is that the girl denied it. So now my daughter looks like a liar and not much can be done now. How is it fair a child makes a racist comment and gets away with it just because she denies it?

Itshouldntmatter Tue 02-Jun-15 09:51:47

It isn't so surprising that the girl denied it. I would tell your daughter she did the right thing and if anything ever happens like that again to go straight to the teacher. The school will also be aware of the issue. I'm sure they will know that it is just so likely the other girl is lying and will believe your daughter, and now they will be able to keep a close eye on the situation.

Millymollymama Tue 02-Jun-15 10:49:00

Just because the other girl denied, it does not mean that the Head should not speak to her about respecting other pupils at all times. There has been a complaint after all. It may be that the child knows what she said was wrong and, although she knows she should be honest, it is easier to deny it. Often this is learned behaviour too. The Head can decide if there was a reasonable probability that she did say it and talk to her anyway. Other children could have been asked if they heard what was said so it is not just your DD with the story. (Don't use her real name, by the way).

It is normal for Headteacher's to talk firmly and clearly to children who say things of a racist nature to make it absolutely clear that any talk of this kind will not be tolerated. Don't forget, these sayings often come from the home; it is unlikely the child dreamt this up herself. Normally, nothing else will happen and there is unlikely to be a punishment, as such. However, it is likely that school staff will have been alerted to keep an eye on this child. Schools try and teach children to respect everyone else, so this is what should be happening and you do not know if the Head teacher did actually do this. I hope they did.

sammyjayneex Tue 02-Jun-15 17:31:54

I am really angry
The mother of the girl who is racist, was on my Twitter following each other ( we used to say hi ect ect) and now she's unfollowed me and has said 'how dare some people' so I know this is aimed at this situation as the head would have spoken to get now and she's got he cheek to accuse my daughter of lying!!!!' I've asked my daughter over and over and she's said she's telling the truth and my daughter wouldn't make this up! I'm so angry she obv things her child can do no wrong! I can't return my daughter to school now coz it's not fair she's branded a liar and now this mother will gossip about us around the school I'm so upset

cansu Tue 02-Jun-15 19:47:17

you made the complaint. The child was spoken to. Even though the child denied it, they have been spoken to and there is a record of it. I am not sure why you are getting so het up saying your daughter can't return to school. Of course she can. Often children will say they haven't done something when they have. Often parents think their child can't be the one lying etc. The head teacher has dealt with this. You now need to move on. Avoiding the mum on social media would be a good move.

MyFirstName Tue 02-Jun-15 21:47:49

Sammy I would report your own post to MNHQ and ask for your DD's name to be removed so it cannot be linked back.

sammyjayneex Tue 02-Jun-15 22:29:12

I have not used my daughters name on here and why would I report my own post? I came here for advice so why would I report my post?

sammyjayneex Tue 02-Jun-15 22:30:58

Oh sorry it appears I have used her name in this probably through habit yikes...!!!

MyFirstName Tue 02-Jun-15 22:38:17

Just ask MNHQ to hide her name.

Millymollymama Wed 03-Jun-15 21:14:31

If you only say "Hi" she is not your friend, is she? No real harm done. Keep calm and stay on the moral high ground.

sugarhoops Thu 04-Jun-15 22:01:37

Gosh OP, are you literally NEVER happy with your DD's school? So last week your daughter was unfairly treated by the PE teacher and locked in a portacabin and you wanted to remove her from the school then....

.... and this week you're keeping your DD away from school because "she's been branded a liar".

I've really honestly no idea how to say this nicely, but you come across (on mumsnet at least) as an incredibly naive / immature parent. Rather than wasting your time on social media and getting worked up about a parent 'unfollowing' your twitter account, why don't you try focusing on your DD, giving her some useful life strategies to cope with all the awful stuff she seems to be suffering on a weekly basis at school?

Galena Sun 07-Jun-15 19:18:17

Oh gosh, sugarhoops I hadn't realised it was the same poster. I agree - you need to stop making a drama out of everything that doesn't go right at school for your daughter.

I could have started any number of posts on here about DD at school, but I haven't because I'm saving my energies for times I need to fight her corner...

sammyjayneex Sat 13-Jun-15 14:28:27

Only just seen these last two replies. I am by all means not an immature parent. No way.
I will not have my daughter racially abused at school and then made out it didn't happen so she looks like a liar! How is that fair?
Anyway when we had a meeting about this with the school as the have to record racist incidents by law should she was updating me on things. Anyway she replied saying this 'I contacted you on writing with a letter that you tore up in the playground' I was like WHAT wtf? I did not rip
Up any letter and I got the letter out pigmy bag and showed her that it was still in one piece and that I did not rip it up. I asked her why on earth she wouldn't think I would rip up a letter and she said a member of staff saw me rip it but obviously I hadn't as it was right there in front of us. So a member of Staff

sammyjayneex Sat 13-Jun-15 14:29:47

Is obviously trying to cause trouble and tell lies as I did not and would not rip up anything anywhere so why are they allowed to stir up trouble? It doesn't even have anything to do with the other staff. She wouldn't tell me which member of staff this is. They are the immature ones and they get away with it.

AsBrightAsAJewel Sat 13-Jun-15 14:49:00

I'm sorry your daughter is upset, but I'm not sure how the head reporting to you that the other child denied it has branded your child a liar?

This sort of thing happens in schools; two children have different accounts of what happened, one child must be lying but there is no outside witness, so the school cannot take openly one side over the other. The school in the OPs case has spoken to the child and the mother, the child is firmly on their radar and the mother knows this. Every parent wants to believe their child is in the right, but what more can a school do when it is one person's word against another?

Saying you can't return your daughter to school because it is not "fair" is giving her a very poor message. Show her you believe her, that she did the right thing and to report any future issues, but foot stamping that the other child hasn't been punished sufficiently in your eyes isn't on. Not saying it is OP's daughter's situation - but imagine that the "victim" had made it up because the children had had a falling out over something trivial, its reported and the other child despite denying it and without any other witnessed was punished on the victim's word - would that be fair? That's the situation the school may worry about getting itself into.

Poppet1974 Sun 14-Jun-15 10:47:50

Op, sorry for the trouble you are having flowers but All this chat about 'tearing up letters in the playground' ( I know you didn't actually do this) sounds really petty and overshadowing the main issue. Do you think the staff see you as a troublemaker? ( I don't mean that as an insult, I'm just wondering if there is a backstory here)
Hope you get it sorted!

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