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Some advice needed....

(3 Posts)
SadiesMum79 Mon 18-May-15 15:33:59

We live in a small street where my 5 year old, before joining school, became friendly with another little girl of the same age and in turn I've become friendly (but not good friends) with her mother. They both joined school together and are now coming to the end of P1. Since they started playing together a few years ago it’s become apparent that my daughter’s friend isn't growing up at the same rate as other kids and her behaviour is often very poor – open disobedience towards her mother and other adults, full on toddler type tantrums when she doesn't get her own way etc. Moreover, chatting to my daughter it’s clear that this little girl has become quite dependent upon her, using her as a bit of a “safety net/comfort zone” whilst at school.

This came to a head in my mind last night when my daughter came home to say she’d opted to join the gardening club at school – much to our surprise. With a little bit of prying she revealed it was so she could get a break from this other girl “just for a wee while”, an admission I think she felt a little guilty about. When quizzed further, it turns out my daughter helps this other girl unpack and pack her bag, helps with her shoes and jacket at the end of the day and helps her with her lunch. My husband jokingly likened it to the way the Private Pile’s cared for in Full Metal Jacket…. A role I'm not happy for my daughter to feel obliged to fill.

I'm worried that my 5yo is now having to think of ways to avoid this girl at school and that while she’s being supportive it’s allowing this other girl to remain dependant which can’t be healthy for her either.

What to do then?… talk to the teacher and get an idea of the relationship between the two of them, there are two sides to every story of course, talk to the mother (we’re friendly but maybe not that friendly) or let it run its course over the summer and hope it fixes itself naturally.

Heels99 Mon 18-May-15 15:37:08

Be proud that your daughter is so helpful. But yes, speak to the teacher and find put a bit more about the situation.

GooseyLoosey Mon 18-May-15 15:42:52

Do speak to the teacher - best to make sure that everyone goes in to next year knowing what is needed.

In Yr 4 my dd ended up being the one who always had to look after an elective mute because she had offered her friendship in the first week. It got to the point where she could not sit with her own friends as she was told off by the dinner ladies and told to look after the other child.

This was not good for either child. It got in the way of dd's friendships and stopped the other girl having to stand on her own two feet and make her own friends. I talked to the teacher and explained that it should not be dd's responsibility to look after this child and she needed space to do her own thing.

The school were very good and made sure that dinner ladies etc did not rely on dd. It has been great for the other girl who now has lots of friends of her own.

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