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Are we helping in the right way?

(8 Posts)
Robindrama Tue 28-Apr-15 22:21:40

Our DD is in year 2. Highly competitive state primary. She is bilingual, born in the UK, attended nursery since she was one year old. She had problem with her hearing, surgery done at the age of 6.
She started school being incredibly shy. Watcher, afraid of trying. At some point we were suspecting asperger's syndrome. Spoken with senco (hopeless) and teachers but they did not raise any issues.
Since year 1 in low ability groups in all areas but achieved 1A in writing, maths and reading. We started tutoring her over a year ago. 3 times a week x 60min. Her weakest areas are writing and comprehension and the tutor concentrates on them.
As per last parent's evening (April) she is at 2B in maths and reading, 2C in writing. Level 23 in reading.
She gets lots of help at school: maths group, writing group, better reading partnership, nessy ( but school said she is not dyslexic).
Her teacher is not worried about her progress but I constantly am. Am I panicking? School teacher does not know she is tutored.
She is a lovely and very active girl. Recently opened socially. Swims few times a week, is a Brownie.
Would you give up tutoring her? Shall I openly discuss it with her teacher? I believe nationally she does fine, as expected. Not sure what to do next year. Thank you!

May09Bump Tue 28-Apr-15 23:11:28

I would say no to tutoring as recent hearing problems. I have a son with a similar problems, but he has kept up with home tutoring. We are also in a high achieving school.

Here are some things that has helped us:

Swimming lessons and also just swimming fun with parent - de-stresses them, and helps connect as parent /child.
Oxford Owls free books - you can read or choose audio, helps reading /writing /spelling / listening skills.
Education City - you can set different levels online, all subjects.
Play dates - we have worked through the whole class on a 1-1 basis. He has grown out of shyness or associated hearing problem behaviors due to these. Any extra-curriculum activity that encourages team work - we do football and group rock climbing (DS is nearly 6). Our take on it - just try for a couple of weeks. Always explaining hearing issues to activities leader - most have had experience of hearing issues and adapting /encouraging involvement without pressure.

Most importantly, you need to give yourself and DD time to recover from hearing issues and accept that every child learns at a different rate, factoring in her issues. Sounds like you are doing great and I would really recommend play dates - ignore if you don't get any back, as people can be too busy.

Robindrama Wed 29-Apr-15 11:28:16

Thank you for your reply!
Yes, shes does lots of physical activities to release the energy, and plays football too smile
She loves play dates and we invite her friends and she gets invited too. She is very confident and happy in 1:1 play.
I will have a look at education city.

Knowing that your child struggles in a demanding school, would you continue tutoring?

AmateurSeamstress Wed 29-Apr-15 19:59:20

How does she feel about the tutoring?

Robindrama Wed 29-Apr-15 21:34:11

There are days when she complains, especially when she is tired ( swimming after school and then tutoring). But generally she is looking forward to it, I think. She asks if the tutor is coming today and if not is unhappy. I always ask her what she wants to practise with her tutor and pass the message. She gets all the attention good explanation. Lots of positive feedback. When she finishes lesson she ofter brings her workbooks and shows us her work/ is proud of it.
I asked her if she wants a tutor in Year 3 - she said yes but not that many hours.

AmateurSeamstress Wed 29-Apr-15 23:21:25

I would question whether she is stuggling. She sounds like she is doing absolutely fine. Being in a lower set in an exceptionally able school is not necessarily struggling. She will get more input from teachers there than being middling in a less able school - this is a good thing.

However it sounds like you would be happier to continue with the tutor and she would like the extra positive feedback. Your daughter's suggestion to reduce the hours sounds like a great idea if you are worried about "going it alone".

Personally I can't imagine how she squeezes in several swimming sessions, 3 hours of tutoring, football, playdates, brownies and homework every week. My kids would be shattered doing all that! They really need "down time" or they get all stressy and can't sleep. That, for me, would be a reason to cut back on something. But every child is different and you know your own the best.

Millymollymama Thu 30-Apr-15 17:38:28

My first reaction is to wonder if you read together. You seem to buy in services rather than do the obvious. Have you considered that bilingual children can be a bit slower in language than others who only have one language to think about? What can she do in her second language? My DDs were doing lots of extra activities but no tutoring so the extra activities were done totally for pleasure. They were never tired!

She will be moving to the new curriculum in year 3, so I would ask the school how you can prepare for that. It appears to be more demanding from what I have seen.

noramum Thu 30-Apr-15 21:06:56

Millymollymama - I am sorry but being bilingual does not mean somebody is necessarily slower in language.

DD is bi-lingual and absolutely up to the level she should be. Similar to other bilingual children in her year group.

Obviously it can be if the parents do not take measures to ensure the child is secure in the school language or just recently moved to the UK but a child born here and in Y2 nd not obvious language problem is not behind because of bilingualism.

Sorry to sound harsh but it is really a sore point for me as there is lot of inaccurate opinions out there.

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