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What can I do about this hurtful, annoying girl that's latched onto my daughter?

(9 Posts)
chuffinalong Tue 03-Feb-15 12:47:07

Hi, my nearly 10 year old daughter has severe learning difficulties and is in a mainstream primary school in the year below her age group. She joined the school at 7 years old, having been home educated for 2 years.
She very quickly made friends as she has a really sunny disposition and sees the good in everyone. One little girl in particular latched onto her from the beginning. She has ADHD and mild learning difficulties. She is very controlling of my daughter and won't let her play with anyone else. If she does, then this girl will cry, so my daughter never wants to upset her. The teachers see them together all the time and think they are such good friends, but it's a rather unhealthy relationship. This little girl is becoming more and more nasty to my daughter calling her names like fat repeatedly, prodding and poking her, either in the thighs, tummy or her developing chest. She also yanks her hairbands up her hair, which she hates. She has asked her to stop and I've spoken to my daughters one to one and the teacher about it, but she still carries on. It's got to the stage where my daughter doesn't want to go to school anymore, cries at night and talks about this girl all the time, sounding more and more worried and upset.
Yesterday, the girl put glue in my daughters hair. It was an accident, but even so...
I spoke again to her one to one today, who said she'll have another word with the girl. The one to one lady has told my daughter in the past that she must play with this girl and not leave her out as she'll be upset. hmm In normal life, we get to choose who we associate with, so why must she be made to play with someone who's like this? I told the one to one lady, that my daughter needs to break away from this girl but is worried about hurting her feelings. She agreed and said that it's so sad when my daughter doesn't play with her, as she goes all quiet and cries. (Emotional blackmail sprang to mind..) I know the little girl is very found of my daughter, she just can't seem to control herself or her outbursts and it's causing such upset that it can't be ignored. The teachers have tried telling her to stop, but she won't.
Not sure what to do from here... Any advice would be very welcome. Thanks. smile

catkind Tue 03-Feb-15 13:36:37

This is bullying. I'd be getting a hold of the school's bullying policy and if the teacher won't/can't help talk to the head about how they're going to follow the policy and make sure your DD is safe. Make sure you tell them the full impact it's having on your DD like you have here. And about the emotional blackmail so they don't fall for that line again.

catkind Tue 03-Feb-15 13:37:53

Sorry, that sounded bossy. Just feeling angry for your little girl that her teachers haven't helped her. With a 1:1 there's really no excuse.

chuffinalong Tue 03-Feb-15 13:47:42

I feel the same. sad This little girl really is little and I think they find her sweet and cute and possibly think she couldn't possibly mean any harm.

I will ask to speak to her class teacher and then the head if I get nowhere with him.

PolterGoose Wed 04-Feb-15 12:50:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toomanyexams Wed 04-Feb-15 13:29:46

Does your school have more than one class per year group? I would certainly, politely, request that they be separated next year if possible. I know you have months of this year left to cope with, but a fresh slate for next year would give you some comfort.

chuffinalong Wed 04-Feb-15 19:52:05

Thanks for your replies. It is a small school and only one class per year group. My daughter is nearly 10 and this little girl is nearly 9. She does have very poor impulse control and kind of makes me think of an excited little puppy. She is very controlling though..
I agree, very little is being done to support the other girl. Whenever I mention the problem at meetings, their answer is always to give my daughter lessons in friendship management etc, but not the girl in question.

catkind Wed 04-Feb-15 20:26:33

I didn't mean to say the other child is a bully Polter, but the behaviour is bullying, including physical bullying, and needs to be dealt with as such. As you say, for the sake of both children involved. The bullying policy would also give OP something concrete to point to in terms of what should be happening to protect her DD.

1805 Wed 04-Feb-15 22:43:48

OMG. I could have written this post 18months ago.
OP - get a meeting with the class teacher and the head. Explain how this girl's behaviour is having a detrimental effect on your dc's home life/behaviour. Ask how the anti bullying policy is being implemented - with specific examples of what they've done to help dd.
Also, talk (very carefully) to other parents - I found several parents felt the same way. Some had also complained as well.
One year on from my initial meeting the girl left the school. Was she pushed? Or did she jump? No-one will ever know.
Good luck. Protect your dd.

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