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Ugh meeting with the school.

(9 Posts)
BeeRayKay Fri 23-Jan-15 13:03:43

Arranged to go into school to discuss two things:

1/. This healthy eating teacher they have coming in.

Every day my five year old is quizzing if she eats healthily, and asking me for calorie amounts and worrying about getting fat. FWIW I cook very healthily and they have a good diet.

I think it's too much at this age, and on a base level I don't want her hearing this crap. I spent 5 years getting her to eat properly and theyre undoing that work. Even getting her to try sweets was a joke at one point. I know other kids don't have parents that feed them properly, but that's not my daughters issue. So I want to reach a compromise with the school, I don't want her to miss out or feel ostracised, but I don't want her developing a food complex (again) even more so because I was anorexic for years.

2/. Every day for the last two weeks she has come home with an "accident" slip in her bag. Usually things like "stabbed in the hand by another child" "scratched on the face by another child" on questioning her, it's always the same child. I believe her on this because 1/. my dd is appalling at lying, she gets really upset. 2/. It's not just her saying this, a couple of her friends have told me that "they saw child x hurting her" and child x does it to other children too.

I understand that a/. teachers can't watch them all the time and b/.there are some children who have SEN who have problems like this (in nursery it was a little boy with Autism and he threw chairs at her, he's since been moved to a new school, which was a shame because he was well liked and the other children understood that he wasn't like it to be mean) but to be honest, if that is the case here then teachers/dinner ladies should be supervising better.

How can I reach a compromise with the school about this? And how can I approach it with them without causing enemies. At her parents evening it was all glowing reports and her teacher adores her and vice versa so I really want to avoid causing problems, but feel these need adressing.

clam Fri 23-Jan-15 18:42:22

I don't see that No.1 is a case of a compromising. All schools promote Healthy Eating, in line with a national drive. They're unlikely to abandon the policy, and even toning it down wouldn't work, as it seems like your dd is particularly sensitive to the message, whereas significant numbers of other children might benefit from it being hammered home even more forcefully. I think that it's something you're going to have to continue dealing with in your own way at home.
Re: the second issue, yes, you ought to bring it up and ask what they're doing to ensure your dd's safety.

BeeRayKay Sat 24-Jan-15 08:04:05

Well it appears that issue 1/. stems from a book she's read that she got from the year 2's room, so the school aren't promoting healthy eating, she'd just read this book and a healthy eating promotion weight watchers or someone has up in the school.

and part two was already being dealt with. so us and the school came away from the meeting feeling happy.

siblingrevelryagain Sat 24-Jan-15 08:12:02

I had a similar issue as you with regards 'healthy eating education'. I worried that the message was too extreme and literal , as both my sons (only a school year apart, had the same teacher consecutive years) would come home and announce "we can't have pizza/chocolate/butter because it's not healthy".

I had to undo this message and reassure them about healthy, balanced diets and chocolate etc having a place (albeit smaller place) in that.

Two other parents were then annoyed as their overweight children then insisted (the week after the healthy drive) to start changing in the toilets.

I wholeheartedly agree that weight/food/exercise is a problem which needs addressing but unfortunately the message is not bring given correctly-it's a tick box exercise and given to 6 year olds who take everything literally. It's a wide spread issue which requires more than a week's teaching in school (which is then undone at lunchtime when the kids sit down to processed crap and sugary puddings every day)

hiccupgirl Sat 24-Jan-15 08:21:56

I doubt you'll get very far with no 1 as schools have to be teaching 'healthy eating' and this is very much the Change for Life version where low fat and sweeteners is good and fat is bad. The best you can hope for is that your DD is withdrawn from any formal lessons but tbh if it's on the curriculum to teach, they may not agree to do that.

On no 2 you need to ask them about your DD getting hurt so much but be careful about pinning the blame on another child particularly if your information all comes from other children. If another child is doing a lot of hurting others, the teacher should already be aware that there is something going on.

MrsMartinRohde Sat 24-Jan-15 21:20:18

I feel the same about issue 1. DS1 has ketotic hypoglycaemic and as such if he's sick, he needs to consume glucose-containing foods. He also has behavioural issues that I have connected, time-wise, with when he's been longest without food. ie, in the lesson before lunch, which he is likely to pick at anyway. I discussed it with his metabolic specialist, who advised a substantial snack, checked with school and they were fine about me sending in a small muffin for him to eat at break rather than the fruit they get (he needs something that contains fat, protein and carbs) but HE refused to do it because "cakes are unhealthy". these particular, home-made ones, are not - they're not even very high in sugar, but try explaining that to a 5 year old.

I completely understand the blanket message, and but 5 year olds have the tendency to black and white thinking anyway. Food has become a real issue for us, and with his situation (and admittedly mine, I also had anorexia for a number of years as a teen/younger adult) it upsets me.

He and I have compromised and he has been told he cannot go off the milk list unless he agrees to the snack. He hates having milk but his teacher enforces it.

elfonshelf Tue 27-Jan-15 11:15:14

I'm not convinced that 5 is the right age to be having these discussions about food with children. Far better to concentrate on the importance of exercise - and perhaps that vegetables and fruit are good for you.

My DD has growth issues and is undetectable levels of a major hormone that amongst other things controls appetite. She's tiny and so skinny that skirts and trousers fall off if they're not taken in massively.

It's a major battle to get food into her as she's never hungry and rarely eats more than a few mouthfuls. As a result she needs a high calorie, high fat diet. Now she comes home saying that she shouldn't eat x, y and z as it's not healthy and turns things down. Hospital are not happy.

My husband and I also both do low carb/high fat and are much healthier for it, but again we tick lots of the school's 'not healthy' boxes.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO Tue 27-Jan-15 14:46:11

I had a similar issue as you with regards 'healthy eating education'. same here and agree with all your post.

also agree elf - far better concentrate on excerise etc.

my dd is very skinny and never stops moving we have opp problem!

NynaevesSister Tue 27-Jan-15 16:18:18

With number two keep the focus on your child. Don't focus on what the other child has done and ask what they are going to do about it. Talk about how the issues that your daughter is having with this child constantly hurting her are starting to impact her well being at school and her normally positive attitude towards school, and you are worried it is starting to affect her learning. What structures can the teacher put in place to safeguard your child from harm and to help support her through developing strategies to deal with situations like this.

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