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Always the same kids picked for everything throughout school

(50 Posts)
Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Jan-15 13:42:51

My DS is in year 6 at a large competitive primary school. Our DS has always had his hand up and volunteered for everything going since year 1. He has tried for football, rugby, cricket, basketball, tri-golf, school council, athletics etc etc but to no avail. The school normally has two teams for most things and he has never been picked for anything at all. The school usually do well in most events so those picked are clapped in assembly, have their photos taken for the news letter and newspaper, have time off school for various events and swagger around the playground in sports clothes eating sweets or lollies (in hot weather) bought by the school and are sort of hero worshipped by my DS, the other boys in the class and the school.

We are not naive and don't believe he is the best footballer or the fastest runner, he is probably middling and more academic than sporting but he does enjoy sport, is well behaved, works hard at school and is still keen to represent his school in his final year. Even if he was picked as a reserve he would have been absolutely over the moon. He once even said why do they always pick the badly behaved children to represent the school? As parents we haven't intervened, have taught him to not give up, advised him to keep trying and reminded him of all his good qualities and encouraged these. He has a couple of interests out of school but his confidence is low due to this. Any ideas how to help? Last year a few kids cottoned on to the fact that he had never been picked for anything and teased him about this. We told him to ignore this but he often dwells on this and gets upset about it at home.

sailorsgal Tue 13-Jan-15 13:57:09

I had the exact conversation with someone this morning. I know life is unfair but with an obesity crisis I think all kids should find their strengths and be encouraged and be included.
Ds is in a very small class but always the same picked for stuff not just sports. Not known for their good behaviour either. grin

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Jan-15 14:20:39

Thanks sailors gal it's no incentive to do well or behave. I know the school, the team, and the teachers really want to win. So no doubt certain kids would be key to that but surely with two teams their should be half a dozen places up for grabs that the teachers could subtlety rotate and share out more equally among more kids to give a few more the chance to have a share of the limelight. I think HT was so sick of one boy's parents forever going into school over issues with one badly behaved sporty boy that they granted the DS of the complaining parents a regular place in the cricket and football team from year 5.
In the christmas play a couple of kids (who always have a major speaking or singing part had a melt down) during rehearsals instead of giving others a chance parts were changed to accommodate the whims of a couple of these kids who have had a starring role in the play every year. I am so cheesed off with the school heres hoping Secondary is better.

tiggytape Tue 13-Jan-15 15:05:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Jan-15 16:55:24

Thanks tiggytape. I asked DS to have a word with the teacher this morning as yesterday he had said their was an opportunity to do something else for the school this week (which he has experience of with us and he is good at). Apparently the sports teacher had been into his class three times this week asking for volunteers with experience. Each time DS had his hand up and each time he was ignored. The usual suspects were picked and even someone who didn't even have his hand up got the chance to try out. Teacher said yesterday afternoon if anyone else wanted to volunteer they had to see him separately. DS came out of school tonight really down and upset as the teacher had changed his mind and now space was limited and no room for DS. The teacher followed my son out had a word with me. I asked if their was anyway he could be given the chance to try out and he said no. I explained never ever had opportunity to be in any school teams and he still said no. DS isn't the sportiest in the class and plays for a football team he is a strong defender perhaps not the fastest (but definitely nowhere near the slowest/unsportiest). I wished I had not bothered sad

spanieleyes Tue 13-Jan-15 16:58:20

Join a small school!
In my school, if you have a vague sense of direction and can move at more than a crawl, you are in the school team! ( My son represented the school and he has dyspraxia!) We had a boy join us recently from a large school just like your son, never picked for anything, very despondent about sports. He joined us and was in the football team straight away and scored in his first match! He was over the moon, so were we!
OK, we never win very much but we have great fun trying, everyone gets to represent the school in all sorts of sports( I currently have netball, football, hockey and cross country competitions pending) and the children are great sports!

Leeds2 Tue 13-Jan-15 17:11:43

That sounds a grim situation, Brighteyes.

No help to you, but at my DD's primary school, every child had to represent the school in a sports team at least once per year, and every child also had to read something out at a parents' assembly once per year. I thought this was a good idea.

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Jan-15 18:13:03

Leeds2 and Spaniels eyes if only. It's too late to move him mid way through year 6 though. However, If only the teacher could see the effect this is having my DS at home. I have consoled him since year one and have said don't worry son, never give up you will shine at something and you will get picked for something sooner or later etc. The school is our local catchment school and has a brilliant academic record but I do worry how this favouritism and unfairness effects my DS's self esteem. angry sad.

PesoPenguin Tue 13-Jan-15 18:18:17

That sounds awful sad In fact it sounds like your son is being deliberately left out. Ds's school is the same so I expect we'll have all this to come sad

lem73 Tue 13-Jan-15 18:26:48

That is utter shit brighteyes. Why don't you get him involved in something outside of school?
Our school pick the same kids for plays year after year. They pretend to audition but all the kids know who will get picked. It's been like that since ds1 who is now 15 was there.

expatinscotland Tue 13-Jan-15 18:29:23

We have the same problem. I am growing well fed up of this shit.

mmm1701 Tue 13-Jan-15 18:41:44

Why not write and complain to the HT and govenors? I would. I would point out that the object of school is not to win but to educate, and to educate ALL children, not just the few. In fact I would probably write to OFSED

mmm1701 Tue 13-Jan-15 18:43:22

I now feel quite angry about your son. I would also ask to see their policy relating to selection of kids for teams...what criteria do they use. You should not have to console your son because school is operating unfairly.

Dancingqueen17 Tue 13-Jan-15 18:48:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Jan-15 18:51:45

Glad to know we are not alone. Because DS is quietly smart and not a mouthy badly behaved out and out king of the sports field type he has been totally overlooked for this and everything else. He likes a laugh and isn't quiet but he is well mannered and is fairly sensible and well behaved in the class room especially compared to some of his class mates. DH is absolutely raging saying he is going to phone school tomorrow. DS has been in tears and keeps going over and over it. DS just wants a fair chance to try out for the team but he is being denied the chance to even try as the sports teacher already knew who he wanted before he even asked for volunteers which is why he can into the classroom 3 times and sidelined DS on each occasion. angry sad wine

mmm1701 Tue 13-Jan-15 18:54:05

good for your DH.....don't take no for an answer.

yellowdaisies Tue 13-Jan-15 19:03:02

That happened to my DS in year 6. Then just near the end of term he was finally picked for football. I had to buy him new football boots as he didn't have ones suitable for grass. He was so excited. But he sat on the subs bench for the entire game. He came home and burst into tears. I was furious - how can winning matter that much that the teacher couldn't have subbed him on for a bit of the match at least? sadangry

It's the same at secondary with not being picked for teams. Though he has recently started doing Duke of Edinburgh which gives him a chance to get out doing stuff

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Jan-15 19:24:30

I feel your pain yellow daisies. Brief elation and brief happiness however short lived would be better than nothing and no chances. Winning seems to be everything but as the standard of a few of these lads at DS's school is so high and with two teams for most sports surely they could afford to rotate some of the places (share out a little of the glory and self esteem a bit more equally between the other lads) even if they are just brought on as subs for a few minutes each. Dunno how some of these teachers sleep at night especially the PE teachers.

Thatssofunny Tue 13-Jan-15 19:31:00

I understand that they want to win, but that doesn't mean children should be left out. Is the PE leader his class teacher as well? It might be an idea to speak to the class teacher. How is he meant to improve, if he's never given a chance to play? You might have to get the point across that sports at primary level should be about encouraging participation and not just about how many trophies there are in the school's cabinet. confused
I'm at a quite small school. Anyone, who turns up for football training gets a chance to play at some point. We've got different matches to accommodate different abilities. The same goes for netball and rugby. I've taken children to a fixture this year, who had played the sport they were competing in for a whole three weeks. They went together with my more experienced players and actually did quite well. All right, we lost, but it was a friendly match and aimed at giving them a chance to have a go. They played brilliantly, but the other team were just more experienced. All of them came back happy to have another go and to beat them next time.
Participation in fixtures and competitions is also linked to behaviour at our school (it was the same at my last one and I - as class teacher - took several of mine off fixture lists, if they'd been poorly behaved...with full backing of the PE department). Poor behaviour means they get dropped from the team. They can be the next star player for England and I still wouldn't want them representing our school.
So it's not the same at every school.

tiggytape Tue 13-Jan-15 19:32:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Jan-15 21:58:22

Thanks all. I am in two minds. Part of me thinks life isn't fair and sod them he will be out of there soon enough keep calm. Another part of me believes that this is really wrong and that we should fight for him (and others) to be given the chance to at least try out or be considered for one bloody thing!!! As said the school is very competitive if I/we had realised how competive sooner I would have tried to get him into a smaller less competive school out of catchment. But I believed he wouldn't be sidelined for all teams right through his time at primary. I thought he might get the chance to be picked for one team or at least to be a reserve/sub eventually as he moved up the school. No the PE teacher isn't his teacher. His class teacher is very strict, very self righteous, very full of herself, believes they should prepare them for Secondary etc.

sailorsgal Tue 13-Jan-15 22:17:50

I know what you mean about been in two minds. I spoke up at school today. I will probably been seen as "one of those mothers" but if I don't fight ds's corner noone else will. grin

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Jan-15 22:22:29

Thanks sailors gal was it well received or not? I am weary with the whole business. I feel like thumping the PE teacher at the moment which I know definitely wouldn't help but may temporarily make me feel better. So might have to stay away.

BiscuitMillionaire Tue 13-Jan-15 22:23:57

If it's been going on for years, then it does sound very unfair. I would write to the headteacher.

sailorsgal Tue 13-Jan-15 22:28:51

Well not at first but I stood my ground. Private school so I am sure they are used to it. grin

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