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SS @ primary school - how should ss behave?

(49 Posts)
atonofwashing Wed 10-Dec-14 20:27:24

During a class where they seemed to be talking about anger, my ds said that "when mummy gets angry she shouts. And uses bad words".

School called the SS and today I was called in. The original call was made last Monday, we were told last Wednesday and today, I got a call at 1pm to say that the SW was arriving at 2pm to talk with ds and if I wanted I could be there too. But I didn't have to. So, I rearranged my afternoon and hot footed it into school for 2pm. SW eventually turned up at 2.30pm.

They chatted to ds and then called me into the room. I offered a handshake and eye contact where upon I was shown a lip wristed wet offering and no eye contact.

I said that whilst a i appreciate the situation, we are now a week on and i have rearranged my afternoon, only to be made to wait. She told me she made the appt for 2.30pm. School actually disagreed with her and said we'd all been waiting . No apology, only told she was having her lunch.

We talked about the situation and the SW said that she takes shouting and bad language very seriously. She also threw in "please calm down", and then said she'd have to come and check our home. I was calm.

She also wanted to make an apt "now" to come and see the house. I explained that my dh should be present and I did not know when he was available. SW then said she needed to do this asap as her manager was expecting a report. I asked for her her email, as I wanted this request in writing, along with how long she was going to take, as well as what the nature, purpose and intent of her visit. And what authority she had to make this request. All in writing. She was not happy with that statement, but did give me her email.

I did remind the school that I was present at this meeting without my dh or an neutral party. Also, for the record, dh and I have a happy life with ds and any shouting or bad language used is done so on an infrequent basis.

So I guess my question to any knowledgeable folk out there , is , is this normal SW behaviour? I have never, ever been involved with ss before.
Do they push you a bit to check reactions etc?

thanks for reading.

fatterface Wed 10-Dec-14 20:32:04

It seems incredible that the school referred to SS for just shouting, and incredible that a SW would actually investigate! That just couldn't happen where I am, their thresholds are too high.

I would absolutely comply with whatever the SW requests though, take her advice, and let her sign you off if there is no problem. Don't be obstructive.

atonofwashing Wed 10-Dec-14 20:38:35

Yes, I would agree, you'd think they'd have bigger fish to fry. But they have to follow every request.

And yes, I will comply, but her manner was horribly arrogant. She stared at me over her glasses and thru her fringe. I felt like the criminal I am not!
They want to contact the GP and a hospital dr ds sees twice a year.

Very frustrating.

fredfredsausagehead1 Wed 10-Dec-14 20:49:14

I don't have any advice bug am shocked the school called SS for this alone! hmmhmm

atonofwashing Wed 10-Dec-14 20:56:12

we have a new head who seems to be hot on safeguarding. we've had emails re dbs checks, emails re no parents in the front office because of safeguarding... etc etc...


Still very frustrating.

LonelyThisChristmas28 Wed 10-Dec-14 21:03:33

I'm sorry but I am horrified that a school can call social services about something as stupid as this and you remained a lot calmer than I would of in that situation. I would of told them right where they could go

Quitelikely Wed 10-Dec-14 21:04:12

She wanted to check your house to get a more in depth feel for the situation. You don't have to let her in but then she will think you have something to hide. It's all in the interests of your child. So you let her see. She sees, checks and leaves. She checks gp to see what illnesses or injuries your child has had and if appointments have been kept etc.

She is doing her job. Don't fight against the ss. People rarely win.

atonofwashing Wed 10-Dec-14 21:17:05

Lonelythischristmas28 - I am horrified too.

Quitelikely - yes, I know, I said that was fine. Pls go ahead. And we have nothing to hide.

I feel like I've done a round with Mike Tyson at the moment. Too stressful.
By the end of the conversation the SW was talking abt herself and her need to write up her report. I almost had to remind her that this was about ds. But you are right, best not to fight.


lougle Wed 10-Dec-14 21:20:39

It can't be comfortable for you, but you pretty much laid down the gauntlet if you asked for a written statement as you've described.

lougle Wed 10-Dec-14 21:23:20

For the record, in my experience, if someone uses the phrase 'please calm down' the person they are speaking to its probably behaving in a less-than-calm manner.

atonofwashing Wed 10-Dec-14 21:46:56

Lougle - I certainly asked for a written statement, who wouldn't. things like this need to be put down on paper.

sorry - didn't quite catch your last comment - were you suggesting she wasn't being calm or I wasn't. I certainly was but i'd probably pushed her buttons by asking certain questions. when she said "please calm down" I thought (didn't say, obv) oh that old chestnut, the poster on all the walls that states " aggression will not be tolerated towards staff" or whatever it is. I don't know for sure, but sometimes it may be used to catch you off guard? maybe not.


LennyCrabsticks Wed 10-Dec-14 21:50:55

If this has all happened exactly as it's written here then it is horrifying.


zeeboo Wed 10-Dec-14 21:55:28

I am also aghast that school rang SS over such a minor comment but after how confrontational you were with the social worker, I wonder if the school have already picked up something from their dealings with you that gave them pause for concern.
I have been involved with SS and it isn't nice but in this instance all you had to do was smile, laugh and say "kids will be kids! I say 'bloody hell' if I burn the tea, that's what ds meant"
And then sit back and smile and let them try and make a mountain out of a molehill and look silly.

Tron123 Wed 10-Dec-14 21:56:06

I find it bizarre that on the basis of a child's general comment on shouting and bad language when angry prompted the school to call in ss, this is not a case for ss in my opinion

atonofwashing Wed 10-Dec-14 22:04:13

Lennycrabstiks - thanks, yes.

SW said, "how are you going to stop the shouting and swearing".
She made it sound like I have a volatile relationship with my family, which I do not. Anyway, my answer was, "what do you suggest?".
Her answer? "Hmmmm".

In my head I was thinking " that's your answer? Aren't you supposed to have all the ideas?" But I kept my mouth shut.

so frustrating...

atonofwashing Wed 10-Dec-14 22:14:45

Gosh, I'm getting the impression some of you thought I was being a bit defensive?
I felt I was just standing my ground.

I would so have loved to have offered up the "kids will be kids", but from the get go she was vile.

So we'll see how it goes, but as I said, she's welcome to root around. Nothing to hide.

atonofwashing Wed 10-Dec-14 22:31:03

Thank you everyone for your imput.
much appreciated.

IneedAwittierNickname Wed 10-Dec-14 22:38:33

Turning up late (if at all) fits with my experience of SS yes.

lougle Wed 10-Dec-14 22:44:03

How old is your child?

Selks Wed 10-Dec-14 22:54:16

This is really odd. I'm a social worker and I have never heard of sw's going out to investigate something as minor as this. It does not come within a million miles of the threshold for social services investigation, unless the school raised additional concerns?

Pelicangiraffe Wed 10-Dec-14 23:10:53

Is there a anything else we need to know?

I would probably remove my child from the school if I felt the school were acting unprofessionally.

Ensure you record all conversations and photograph SS in your house. Some SS can be over zealous

Toughasoldboots Wed 10-Dec-14 23:15:11

I don't think that you have done anything other than ask for a paper trail. You have done nothing wrong.

If you feel that you have been treated inappropriately or that procedures were applied incorrectly, you have every right to be assertive and even follow the complaints system with ultimately the local ombudsman.

ClartyYakker Wed 10-Dec-14 23:20:00

Pelicangiraffe that is ridiculously bad advice.

If this is real and the school/ social services have OP pegged as someone who is very reactive and possibly aggressive, then enough concerns seem to have been raised about her behaviour, coupled with the comments made by her own son for the school to feel they have a reason to contact social services and for social services to feel like they need to look into it further.

Do you really think recording and photographing any visiting social workers is going to help that perception?

teeththief Wed 10-Dec-14 23:23:15

For SS to be involved I don't believe your OP is the whole story

ShellyF Wed 10-Dec-14 23:35:41

I know , from experience as a Headteacher, that SS would not react so quickly to a concern about shouting\swearing.Something else must have been reported as a concern to get them involved. Unless you live in an area where Social workers are just hanging around waiting for something to do. Every SW has an enormous caseload in the areas I have worked in.

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