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How much do you feel your childs teacher cares about them?

(41 Posts)
Handwasher Fri 07-Nov-14 13:34:57

Just reflecting really on the teachers my children have had so far. They have been ok but I have never really got the feeling from them that they are particularly care in a pastoral sense about my children. If I have ever spoken to them about issues with friendships DC have had or any worries they never seem particularly sympathetic. They never seem to make much effort to keep things fair in the class with the same old children getting all the accolades etc. When school started this term there was a poem by a teacher going round the Internet about how parents shouldn't worry as she would love their children as if they were her own. It was really nice and made me feel a bit sad that we have never felt that warmth from a teacher. Are there teachers like this still or has the pastoral side of their job diminished as the stress of targets and paperwork has increased?

Toomanyhouseguests Fri 07-Nov-14 13:46:17

I think it's a year by year thing. Some years the teacher and my child really click. Other years it's so-so. One year, I think there was a personality clash. Children and teachers are all just people, so I suppose it's to be expected. Teachers that I've thought were wonderful and my dc have adored, other parents haven't rated. We really cherish the good years, but don't necessarily expect every year will be good. That said a few very caring teachers in the early years really do set a child up to love school.

myotherusernameisbetter Fri 07-Nov-14 13:58:35

I agree. We've had a mixed bag. One year my younger son was a "delight", the next year he could do no right. incidentally the same teacher didn't like his elder brother either. We then had few mixed years where the didn't have the same teachers until they both had the same teacher for their last year. young male teacher who really identified with both of them and was particularly helpful in sorting out some bullying issues. you could tell he cared and seemed the same with any pupils I saw him with. He is now deputy head within about 5 years of his teaching career. being caring and motivated definitely seems to take you places.

PotteringAlong Fri 07-Nov-14 14:04:27

In a primary setting, rightly or wrongly, I think being male takes you places...

Muddlewitch Fri 07-Nov-14 14:16:09

I agree Pottering.

As others have said we have had a few teachers that really seemed to care, DS1 goes to a special school where I feel he is very cared about in the main.

I think DD2's teacher cares but is really busy, DD1's not so much, but she is ok. It depends on personalities, class dynamics and staff morale I think.

I agree with the PP that said you learn to really appreciate the good years.

DeWee Fri 07-Nov-14 14:45:26

Very much depends on the child and the teacher.
Dd1 has sailed through school with only one teacher that obviously didn't care about her. One she wasn't particularly happy with, but I still felt she cared. Most of the teachers rave about her.
Dd2 has had 2 teachers that I've felt have cared about her. A couple have been okay, but others I've felt have been pretty indifferent. Some of those have paid lip service to "oh she's such a delight" but there's been no backing up by actions and she certainly hasn't felt that they are bothered.
Ds has again had teachers that he's really gelled with. He's the hardest behaviourally, but mostly his teachers have been so positive with him.

They've been through the same primary schools. One of the teachers that was good, had them all and was really good with them all and really really cared.
One of the teachers dd2 had and ds had, he gelled and she didn't.

It's strange really because dd1 and dd2 are quite similar in that they want to behave, do well and be included in things, but dd1 is very much cards close to her chest, so often the teachers dont know what she likes and doesn't like.
Whereas dd2 is like a puppy dog and when happy will be showing it, so generally people (out of school) find her much easier to empathise with. I would have thought that she was the easiest to get to know and care about for a teacher, but for some reason that has hardly happened.

Difficult to say anything, and difficult to find out what is really happening though.

Thrif Fri 07-Nov-14 14:57:06

I would have felt the same way as you OP from my dealings with my DCs teachers until I started working in their school! I now know that all the teachers care a very great deal about all the children and I am amazed how they have the capacity to understand all the children and their situations.

However, some children just need/deserve the extra TLC more. Your DC (and mine) come from a home where every emotional need is met as well as the materials ones (and more). The teachers know that some of the children never get a kind word unless it comes from them.

NickiFury Fri 07-Nov-14 15:00:47

This year dd has a two teachers doing a job share, one couldn't care less and seems really unapproachable. The other is lovely and looked positively stricken when I asked for a chat because dd was being bullied (dd has autism and is very quiet at school would never speak up for herself) this teacher has stamped on it immediately and dd seems happier plus she tells me she is sending dd on little errands round the school to help build her confidence. It's such a small yet proactive thing to do and just right to help dd. I think she cares about dd and that she's happy.

poppy70 Fri 07-Nov-14 21:55:14

You have to remember too that when you speak to your child's teacher that they are really bound to be tight lipped because of privacy to do with other children. They literally can mention very little about what happens in the classroom except as it is your child. How they deal with things in the classroom though is different. And yes sometimes personalities mesh better together. It is life after all.

Hulababy Fri 07-Nov-14 21:59:24

I care a great deal about all of the children I work with. More than is probably apparent from the brief encounter I have with parents first thing in a morning And last thing on the afternoon.

When I'm at school they are our first priority.

But then every teacher i know at my school always puts out children first and has their best interests at heart.

I just don't think parents always see that side in brief encounters each day.

RoganJosh Fri 07-Nov-14 22:02:03

Not all teachers are brilliant with parents, so it's hard to gauge.

poppy70 Fri 07-Nov-14 22:13:38

Most teachers don't really like parents... nothing personal but it can be a difficult relationship and most teachers have had one or two unpleasant experiences.

Cathycat Fri 07-Nov-14 22:58:11

Goodness, Poppy, that is a generalisation. So I will offer my own generalisation: most teachers that I know, including myself, like most parents!

Glittermud Fri 07-Nov-14 23:02:49

I would hope that they care enough to not be detrimental to my child's education or well being. Love is my job, not theirs.

Having said that, speaking as a teacher, I care rather a lot about my pupils. It's very easy to care for children imo.

Smartiepants79 Fri 07-Nov-14 23:13:52

I don't think parents generally have enough contact with teachers to know how they feel about their children.
I know that myself, and pretty much all the teachers I know and work with expend a lot of emotional energy on the children in their care. Hours spent discussing their successes and failures with other staff. The teachers (and teaching assistants) spending hours of their own time searching for solutions for children who are struggling.
The other side is the teacher who says all the right things and appears to 'care' in a very vocal way but is not actually doing her job very well. I know one of those as well.
I always say I'm not there to be their friend or their mum. It's a very specific role.
Do I know that my DDs teacher cares about her? I have no real way of knowing either way. I just have to trust my instincts. She is happy and thriving so all is good!

Smartiepants79 Fri 07-Nov-14 23:16:47

Also, when the chips are down, if anything truly awful happened I believe I would risk my life to keep those children safe.

pippinleaf Fri 07-Nov-14 23:19:40

I care very deeply about the children in my school and those I teach. I often think I care about them more than some of their parents do and honestly can say that over half the teachers in the school really, truly love the children they teach. Of course, there's always one or two children you're not able to warm to for whatever reason but their next teacher will probably click with them. I get very sad when the class leaves the the end of the year because we've all grown as a team together. It's sad you don't feel your teachers have clicked with your child but please be assured that the vast majority of teachers really do care

starlight1234 Fri 07-Nov-14 23:23:30

My DS is now in year 3. He has had fabulous teachers up until year 2 then and awful teacher who never had a positive word to say about my Ds. He coasted through the year with no encouragement.He has had a new teacher since September his love of education has been reignited.

I have no idea how much each teacher cared about my DS , I care more how my son is motivated ,feels supported by them, and able to approach them for help if needed.

ReallyTired Sat 08-Nov-14 00:16:22

I think that my children's teachers care desperately about the children. The headteacher of my daughter's sees the children as data in a spreadsheet to be analysed. My son's school is very different.

poppy70 Sat 08-Nov-14 11:24:34

It is not really generalisation. I like most of my pupils parents and am very concerned that the right thing be done for all my children. I am also wary with some of them, and in general conscious of watching my words, and what I say. They all talk, and I am also aware of the rules of the school gate and I am very conscious of not making a parent feel awful about what they may perceive as a disruptive child, a struggling child or whatever. All in all while there are some parents I adore, my primary concern is to the children and actually to the cohort dynamics as a whole. Parents is not a favourite part of my job. It is just watching your mouth continuously and I am not good at that.

Feenie Sat 08-Nov-14 11:41:18

Most teachers don't really like parents

It's a ridiculous thing to say - it might be how you feel but it's certainly not representative of my view or those of the other teachers in my school.

Hulababy Sat 08-Nov-14 12:16:04

I have no issue with parents either and certainly I don't dislike them.
I don't have a strong relationship with them like I do pupils as don't see them very much. But I do to dislike any of them.

After all I, and many other teaching staff, are parents too.

Billabong21 Sat 08-Nov-14 18:01:36

I care so much about the children in my class that I adopted one. I just couldn't leave them in the care system. I don't know of ANY colleges who don't worry endlessly about the children.

Chapeausalesman Sat 08-Nov-14 20:19:18

I agree that often the level of care and concern doesn't always translate to parents, as there aren't actually that many opportunities for parents to see teachers interacting with the children, and children aren't always very reliable sources of information. I teach in a large primary with about 30 teachers and I can honestly only think of 1 or 2 who don't care very, very deeply about their pupils. They are still good teachers though, just a little more detached. Personally I find teaching very draining because I get so concerned about the pastoral side of things, possibly because my DS struggles socially a bit at school and consequently I'm hyper-vigilant about making sure my pupils are happy and enjoying school as well as making progress.

teacher54321 Sat 08-Nov-14 21:35:44

Speaking from my own personal experience teachers care a huge amount about the children they teach. I teach 220 children a week, but know them all by name and work incredibly hard to build positive relationships with as many of them as I can. There are children that I struggle with, sometimes there's just a personality clash, but that doesn't mean I care any less about their welfare and their wellbeing.

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