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Bitching and bullying

(7 Posts)
mommy0601 Thu 06-Nov-14 23:38:09


There is this boy in my son's class, they used to be best friends until something happened. I had an argument with that boys mom due to a certain situation. Well, it wasn't as such an argument at first, I just wanted to explain what my son's side of the story was and unfortunately that mom began, an uncalled for, argument, so I just apologized and finished it in the best manner I could. I am not very confrontational and argumentative person. I just don't think there is a need for things like that and everyone is different and that's that.
Since then, it was awkward between us at first but we talked and were absolutely civil and it got a little better, however for some reason it changed. She started doing those little things that made me upset each time, but I tried to ignore it.
It didn't worry me as such, until her son started being rude to my son, for example calling him stupid when he thought nobody saw or heard. To me it was a little obvious that she must have spoken to her son and tell him something.
He would start complaining about my son to teacher for silly things. At first I would ignore it, but it started being quite regular and not always for things my son did. The boy would suggest my son did harm to him, when I saw with my own eyes he did not. Things like that. Some things I would see for myself, some my son told me. Often my son would say he did something in fact, but something absolutely silly, something boys do, but the boy would go and complain to teacher anyway.

To add to this, to my son's class came a voluntary lady. She is friend with the boy's mom. I have heard from another mom and then heard something myself directly, that the voluntary lady speaks to boy's mom about our children's progress. Now, the voluntary lady is very cold to me, she never tries to catch any kind of contact with me, and I have tried twice. It almost feels like the boy's mom said something to her about me and that is why she keeps her distance.
But that is ok, I am an adult, I can deal with it, however I do not appreciate her talking about my son to other parents. If anyone is interested in my son's progress, they should ask me. I am also not happy that someone who clearly gives me a feeling of 'I don't like you' is in my son's class and dealing with my son..

If I would do voluntary work, I would put everything a side and most of all, I would be truthful and trustful. If someone I know would come to me and ask about other child's progress, I would send them to their parents.

Sorry, if it's long and complicated, I hope I didn't bore anyone.
Please could you advise, what I should do?
I wanted to go and complain that I simply do not appreciate her around my son if she behaves they way she does around me and also speaks about my son to another mom.
I feel I am being paranoid a little bit, but the boy's mom is quite a little devil (to not use a swear word), let's be honest. Little digs she does at me is absolutely uncalled for and very childish. And when we would still meet as friends, so our children could play, she would dig at other moms, she would laugh at them, she would tell me I should be happy I'm not friends with them etc, because in fact I would start to know all the moms much later than her. This makes me even more aware how she can be.

And the voluntary lady is not, like she is to me, to everyone like that. And she doesn't know me, so it's not like she has a reason to be that way.
And the only negative contact I have with a parent is the boy's mom, so she is the only one who could say anything.
Please, please, give me some advise. Has anyone experienced that kind of bitchiness? I almost feel like she is bullying me. I literally cried a few times because of her.. Today too..

I am mentally tired. I even thought about changing a school for my son sad

funnyface31 Thu 06-Nov-14 23:47:19

Sorry this is happened to your DS, colon tart lady should not be talking about any children in the class.

Go and speak to the head.

funnyface31 Thu 06-Nov-14 23:48:24

Oops, colon tart. Should of read voluntary (predictive text)

mommy0601 Fri 07-Nov-14 00:27:02

Funnyface31, thank you for your reply. appreciate it, especially at that time of the day.

The only thing keeping me from reporting her is the worry that they won't take me seriously. The voluntary lady is older, which unfortunately, to people, often, it means more grown-up and because I am younger (nearly 30 though, so not that young), I am worried they might think it is me who is being silly or bitchy. It is easy to think that if someone doesn't have the whole story in front of them. But should I explain exactly why I feel the way I feel with the voluntary lady or just say I have heard this and that and it's inappropriate?

I am not quite sure how to do it sad

louisejxxx Fri 07-Nov-14 06:43:49

Have you got any pure hard evidence that she has been speaking to other parents about your child's progress? Has she said anything to a mum you are friends with who has passed on the message, and who could back you up with what you're saying?

The reason I ask is without anything like this it will very much be a case of your word against hers, and probably won't get taken very far. I don't say that to be harsh, just realistic.

angelcake20 Fri 07-Nov-14 22:14:16

At our primary, any volunteer who is discovered to be talking about anything that they have seen in school is instantly asked to stop coming in. Confidentiality is taken very seriously. I would mention it to the class teacher or someone more senior, especially if someone can corroborate.

mommy0601 Fri 07-Nov-14 23:53:41

Louisejxxx, I don't find it harsh what you said, I feel exactly the same and that is why I am worried to say anything.
I have heard in the past from one headteacher (not my son's school's headteacher) that parents often make problems and they are actually no problems.. so I am well aware that for some it can be a silly issue, but for me it is not..

Angelcake20, that is good to hear, reassuring. That is what I would expect from my school to do, to ask her to stop coming.
If I would not like someone, I would leave any problems outside the school and vice versa, I would not take any school problems outside.

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