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Comments that dd won't cope at school

(29 Posts)
muddyprints Wed 09-Apr-14 23:15:15

Dd2 starts nursery sept, she will be 3.10 so one of the oldest.
She is quiet until she knows people, says very little when out even when she knows people, she is clingy to me, she stays at my side when out, she hates loud noise and crys at shouting, squealing, hand dryers, sirens. She avoids boisterous children and if they snatch off her she crys and doesn't stand up for herself.
She loves drawing and does recognisables pictures of people houses animals. She knows almost all letter sounds. She loves jigsaws and does 20 piece ones alone. She loves Lego. She loves craft playdoh painting glueing felts.
She can blend letters and read simple words like cat dog man tip.
She can spell mom dad nan cat , her name and sisters name.
She knows what letter things start with.
She can write lots of letters and mom, her name and sisters name.

I think she will be fine at nursery, will love the craft and play area and make some friends similar to herself and settle once she knows the staff who are all lovely.

I keep being told I will have trouble in sept as she is too clingy, young for her age, crys a lot, won't want to leave me, is shy, is quiet, won't stand up for herself, needs to deal with screaming and shouting.

Do I need to worry?

HolidayCriminal Wed 09-Apr-14 23:19:06

no guarantees but I bet she'll be fine. DD was also very shy & quiet & very clingy, has turned into my ultra confident kid. Dd couldn't do any of those academic things like spelling or numbers before 5yo (but has turned into a clever clogs, too).

NormHonal Wed 09-Apr-14 23:22:19

Sounds like my DC1.

Who, BTW, was fine once she got used to the noise levels in the classroom.

muddyprints Wed 09-Apr-14 23:23:31

At home she chats to visitors and plays alone and with others happily so I think she will develop a bond with the staff and then open up to them and not be shy with them but everyone's comments are the same that she won't cope.

muddyprints Wed 09-Apr-14 23:24:25

We are a quiet family and she isn't used to shouting etc but it does seem to hurt her ears. She is very sensitive

kilmuir Thu 10-Apr-14 08:07:57

It's nursery not school, lots of play.
Ignore those people. Staff will help her settle in, sure she will be fine

givemeaclue Thu 10-Apr-14 08:08:39

Could it be a hearing or ear issue, what does gp say about shouting hurting her ears?

rabbitstew Thu 10-Apr-14 08:29:06

Are these comments from people whose children are loud and obnoxious? grin

Sheneverdid Thu 10-Apr-14 10:03:39

FWIW Dd is very very similar to yours (hearing,sensitive...but also very bright) she is now mid way through YR.

Don't want to cause alarm but she never really settled in nursery, it was a large intake that year with many boisterous Dc , this could be different for you Dd. She was the last to go onto full days (did part days until the Dc were ready, all other Dc were FT by the end of the first term). She had days...probably 1 a week throughout the whole year...when she happily went in and I'm pretty sure it was when a particular staff member was in. Although she was upset when going in (I saw some pretty distressing mornings TBH and was very close to taking her out but also felt it was something she needed to do) according to the staff she was "fine" when I had gone hmm, when she came out she was very clingy and seemed very tired from her busy day (constantly told me it was too loud, the children were nasty). Something that did piss me off however was when the CT told me many times that she "cries like a baby" when things don't go her way..............I did point out "it may sound crazy but maybe it's because she is 3????"

We thought she was going to be the same in reception at the beginning (still got upset, although not as much as before) until January when they changed a few things in the classroom and it became more split the class, more time sitting down writing, therefore quieter etc. She absolutely loves it now! I don't even get a kiss! grin Hindsight tells me that she was bored, she didn't know what the day would bring and there were too many in the class.

Of both of my Dc I thought my Dd would take to nursery like a duck to water, if anything I had comments that she was going to be fine and love it. You may get these comments but at the end of the day your Dd may prove everyone wrong and be absolutely fine. My experiences just goes to show how wrong people can be.

muddyprints Thu 10-Apr-14 13:02:33

It is a small nursery with 12 other kids and she will do 2.5 hours a day mainly play with some books etc. she will enjoy the play but will probably take time to get used to the kids.
She likes structure and I do a lot with her so I think she will prefer reception, her sister did.

Lucyccfc Thu 10-Apr-14 18:10:00

My DS was very similar at the same age. Very shy and quiet. Wouldn't speak to people he didn't know, quite clingy and would 'hide' behind me when other adults were about.

Nursery, school and joining a football club really brought him out of himself. He is 8 now and I wonder where that quiet, shy boy went to. He is now the chatty, full of confidence and very out-spoken.

tacal Thu 10-Apr-14 18:19:06

hi, my ds is quite different to your dd. But he is clingy, needs things to be structured and shouting hurts his ears. School has been better than nursery for him. But he still struggles with teachers shouting. He has sensory issues so has ear defenders to put on in class if he can not cope with the noise.

If shouting is a problem for your dd make sure you make the nursery aware of this.

HobbetInTheHeadlights Thu 10-Apr-14 18:23:59

My eldest is very sensitive to sound - all her teacher shave commented on it but she copes. She is also quiet and didn't really have a great time at nursery despite it being very small numbers- she loved reception settled really well.

tricot39 Thu 10-Apr-14 21:38:32

Who is saying this? And do they think you should avoid nursery?

Ds was quiet and frankly antisocial so we worried about him but it was a great intro for school. He took a bit of settling but in the end he loved it. Reception has taken some settling too and he is starting to be interested in friends. Next year new teacher there will be more settling........ You get the picture!

She sounds great. You will be fine.

SanityClause Thu 10-Apr-14 21:41:56

The nursery sounds like a lovely environment for her to start to get used to a class environment.

She will be fine!

Wolfiefan Thu 10-Apr-14 21:44:46

My DD hates hand dryers, loud noises, strangers, loud or pushy kids and is often very quiet in public.
She loves nursery. She sees it as an extension of her family I think.

muddyprints Thu 10-Apr-14 22:59:05

People at playgroups and other parents are saying it.
They have heard her talk to me but she doesn't talk to them apart from thank you and bye.

MillyMollyMama Fri 11-Apr-14 09:45:12

Ignore other people's views! (Says me, giving one!). It is very important she goes to Nursery because she is quite old to be starting. The nursery you have chosen will treat her as an individual. They will have quieter areas and she will get a choice of play activities and whether she wants to do sitting activities such as drawing and play dough. Water play will not be that boisterous either. The nurseries mine went to did not encourage excessive noise and "standing up for yourself". It is not a free for all rampage!

I think you could practice separation a bit more before she starts. How often is she with a baby sitter or relative without you? Having said that, my DD2 had big separation problems at her first nursery but none at all when I changed nurseries. I do think nursery prepares well for school and most children enjoy going. When she finds out what is available there she will love it.

Longtalljosie Fri 11-Apr-14 09:50:55

Read this:

It will cheer you up no end

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Fri 11-Apr-14 10:00:48

I'm glad you started this thread because my DD is the same. She also starts nursery (pre-school) in September, although she is an August birthday, so will be one of the youngest - if not the absolute youngest.

It's very reassuring to hear that others have had the same concerns & everything has turned out fine smile.

tricot39 Fri 11-Apr-14 15:20:20

Hand dryers - that sounds familiar. Loads of children dislike them - why put them in infants' toilets?

muddyprints Fri 11-Apr-14 18:27:03

My mom looks after her every few months when we have a night out and has her for a day in the holidays at her house but her sister is always there and she is fine with her sister.
I'm glad people are saying she will be fine as I had no concerns till the comments started.

ratqueen Sat 12-Apr-14 09:48:37

My DD was still clingy and shy at 3.5 then all of a sudden overnight she changed into a different child and would waltz off to swimming classes, preschool and ballet on her own without a second glance. I kept her back from preschool in the Sept because I was worried how she'd cope but before half term I called to ask if she could start after all because she was so desperate to go, esp as her friends had started preschools and she wanted to too. I bet she'll be fine but as it is to compulsory don't worry - you can always defer her place for a few weeks or months.

ThreeTomatoes Sat 12-Apr-14 17:59:27

She sounds v similar to my dd. dd did struggle at pre-school I think (age 3), although the teachers always said she was fine, she was just very timid and kept herself to herself. Similar in Reception at school. Then in year 1 she made a 'best' friend and started blossoming. The friend, though, was the bossy one and after she left sometime in year 2 the difference really did start showing, dd became much more outgoing and confident - she made a bunch of friends who have been v tight ever since (she's in yr6 now), and she has been unrecognisable from that timid clingy thing from Reception! In Reception & possibly yr 1 too, she refused to join in with PE or with the Christmas show etc (she said it was too noisy) - her teacher was great about it, gave her the option of either watching or staying in the classroom reading (she did sometimes choose to watch) - and in the end on the night of the christmas show she did actually get on the stage, her teacher was so excited about it! grin. A few years later, PE had become one of her favourite subjects, and she has solo lines in the shows. These days, watching her with her friends, she's just as loud and bolshy as they are wink.

In retrospect though I do wonder why it didn't occur to me not to send her to preschool, actually. She's summer born so had only just turned 3, and I can see now she probably wasn't at all ready for it! And the approach dd's Reception teacher took (no pressure) did I think pay dividends. FWIW, dd has always had brilliant relationships with her teachers, she's loved and looked up to every single one of them. She's very used to talking to adults, and also often seemed to prefer playing with littler kids, she's lovely with them.

Anyway, what you describe about your dd's nursery sounds lovely though.

SolomanDaisy Sat 12-Apr-14 18:05:33

A girl a similar age and with a similar sounding personally started recently at my DS's preschool. I talked to her Mum on her first day and she was really worried as the girl had always been at home with her and was shy and in addition the preschool isn't in her native language. She is fine. She has become friends with my DS (unexpected as he is younger and totally the opposite personality, very confident, loud and talkative and their native languages aren't the same) and is very happy.

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