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what would you do if your relationship breaks down with the teacher?

(36 Posts)
ProfessorSkullyMental Wed 02-Apr-14 09:19:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

columngollum Wed 02-Apr-14 09:26:18

You could try telling your son to behave himself and apologise to his teacher.

MerlinFromCamelot Wed 02-Apr-14 09:27:56

If it was me, I would request a meeting with the HT and get to the bottom of what is going on. Leaving things to fester is never a good thing imo. If left to blue over things may well start to lead a life on their own.

Hope all works out for you sooner rather than later. brew

Lollypop1983 Wed 02-Apr-14 09:30:07

From a teacher pov, if a parent complained about me, I would have a witness present at parents night. The year leader was probably there in case a) you had any other complaints about teacher, which she could help deal with, and b) as a witness, in case you thought the teacher said something inappropriate.

It was more to cover her back.....I would probably do the same.

columngollum Wed 02-Apr-14 09:31:11

Maybe we could get to the bottom of it right here in the forum by expanding a bit on this sentence

shit over something ds did

Minnieisthedevilmouse Wed 02-Apr-14 09:32:31

Ah column the ol "he ain't sn he's ignorant" angle.... Yawn yawn....

Op, you should have had it explained why someone was listening in, whether student teacher or TA or even the head. You can request clarification without being rude there.

You can request to discuss things with the teacher. It's not confrontation. It's conversation.if it makes you happier plan your letter first here with the bullets you want discussed.

Handled welli don't see why this isn't simply resolvable. It's miscommunication. I'm not trying to downplay how that's upset you, just reduce the magnification of the situation so you feel able to deal with it well.

PlantsAndFlowers Wed 02-Apr-14 09:32:47

The other teacher was obviously brought in as a witness, either to your own perceived unreasonable behaviour, or to stand witness so that you can't make unfounded allegations about her. However I think it is unprofessional for this to happen without explanation.

So yes, I would say that things have broken down between you. I too think that these things can fester and would request a meeting with the head and the class teacher to try and sort it out.

Lollypop1983 Wed 02-Apr-14 09:33:19

She is probably trying to keep things professional, by being polite rather than friendly. She won't be reluctant to speak to you if there is an issue with your DS. IMO she's trying to be professional.

I don't understand why you would speak to the HT. Tbh, I would rather a parent spoke to me in the first instance, and then go to the ht if they are still not happy.

columngollum Wed 02-Apr-14 09:34:53

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Wed 02-Apr-14 09:36:20

Lolly, agree you can have representation but you should most certainly give the parent am adequate reason why someone else is present. Otherwise that's quite underhanded, unclear and potentially intimidating.

You would allow a doctor to do that. Fail to see why a teacher couldn't say x is here to hear the conversation for y reason. Whatever the reason is.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Wed 02-Apr-14 09:36:48

Wouldn't allow a doctor. Not would.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Wed 02-Apr-14 09:37:16

Odfod column

stargirl1701 Wed 02-Apr-14 09:39:34

Let it go? Just one term left of this year. New teacher next year.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Wed 02-Apr-14 09:42:13

OP - I'm sorry to hear about your Dad flowers

I do think the teacher should have taken into account that both you and your DS were going through a bereavement and should have dealt with you sensitively. I do also think that the teacher should have explained why the other teacher was in your parent's meeting.

Having said that I do think it's important that you do your best to ensure that the relationship doesn't break down. Although civil on each side is fine rather than necessarily friendly. Ask to speak to the teacher, say why you were so unhappy and that you want to restore good communication in your son's interests. I think this is very important especially as he needs his SN met.

wonder what the child did.

I think that as you complained about the teacher, you can expect him/her to be a bit more wary of you, that is normal surely?

Polite is good enough, no?

ProfessorSkullyMental Wed 02-Apr-14 09:54:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thewhingingdefective Wed 02-Apr-14 09:58:08

In what way was the way the class teacher and year head's handling of the situation re: your son 'inappropriate'? You describe them taking you to one side to speak to you. Did they say something offensive? Why did you feel you had to take it to the head?

Was school informed of the bereavement in the family before your son's episode of misbehaviour, so they could be aware of the need to support him emotionally through this hard time?

The way I see the situation now is: the headteacher has spoken to the class teacher (and perhaps year head) and the class teacher is now very wary of speaking to you for fear of being reported for acting inappropriately, hence the slightly distant, cold way she's now being. She is maintaining a professional relationship with you for the few weeks that are left.

I hope you apologised for your son's behaviour. His special needs and the loss of his grandparent undoubtedly were factors influencing his behaviour, but you shouldn't make excuses for him and let him think it is okay to be disruptive.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I imagine that the grief has also left you more sensitive too and maybe your handling of the situation was not as good as it might otherwise have been.

ProfessorSkullyMental Wed 02-Apr-14 09:58:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProfessorSkullyMental Wed 02-Apr-14 10:13:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thewhingingdefective Wed 02-Apr-14 10:14:38

I know you don't think the teacher handled things well, but could you speak to her again and apologise for maybe over-reacting a bit? Just reiterate the fact you're highly sensitive and emotional right now. I'm sure you could clear the air if you spoke to her.

Thewhingingdefective Wed 02-Apr-14 10:15:55

Okay, I just read your last post. I agree that a bit of privacy wouldn't have gone amiss.

kotinka Wed 02-Apr-14 10:31:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Atbeckandcall Wed 02-Apr-14 10:31:53

Sorry to hear about your father, it must be hard dealing with your own emotions about as well as helping your an ds to process it all. A bit more information would absolutely be useful to get the full picture. However on the basis of your posts I don't think you have done anything wrong. The teacher probably brought another member of staff in at parents evening just as a witness to cover her own arse.
The teacher should definitely not be addressing any grievances with you in front of others, it is uncomfortable for you and your ds. She has clearly got a chip on her shoulder because she has been told off by the HT but perhaps that's a good thing. She is then more likely to be careful. As another poster said, it's only 1 term before the end of the year, unless your ds is getting upset with the teacher don't rock the boat.

proudmama72 Wed 02-Apr-14 11:31:55

I don't think you should let it go. It needs to be addressed. You can be assertive without being aggressive.

keep a correspondence log. and its ok to record your impression as well.

Send this in a letter to the headteacher if the situation does not improve. she should respond in writing and if you are not satisfied, let the BOG or Offsted know.

poopsydaisy Wed 02-Apr-14 11:52:17

I'm not sure its an Ofsted reportable offence....that might be taking it too far (at this stage anyway). But certainly the Governors can and should be approached if you're not getting anywhere with the teacher / HT.

Sorry to hear about your bereavement, it must be tough for you and DS. I think whilst the teacher is entitled to have a witness sitting at the parents meeting, she really should've explained to you why the witness was there.

Good luck, hope you manage to resolve the situation.

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