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Headteacher told my husband off during parents evening

(29 Posts)
proudmama72 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:17:11

She interrupted the meeting he was having with my daughter's teacher and complained because his wife hadn't booked a meeting for parents night. The school called me and I told them I couldn't come in that week, but would if they had a concern. They said no concern.

My husband then booked a meeting because we thought it odd, and then a very negative experience.

Is this normal?

Picturesinthefirelight Mon 31-Mar-14 20:25:47

How very odd

Do they do the same to all Dads who can't make it or do they expect the little woman to study at home & be at the schools beck & call

My dh can make parents evening this week- but only because he is a teacher who works in the next county who break up for Easter a week earlier. Otherwise there is no way

Similarly I have problems attending dds parents evening as they ate always held on Fridays. & I work Fruday nights.

proudmama72 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:30:23

It was awful and sexist. I complained to the BOG, but I only got a pseudo-apology.

If you cant' make it on the Friday will they give you another appt.

I just didn't think it was mandatory to go to each one. We get a progress report on daughter and it was good. She was average.

Kind of feel sorry for teachers having to do so many meeting on one night. Plus in the 15 min chat, I don't really find the information that useful.

littleducks Mon 31-Mar-14 20:30:34

Are you separated?

If not surely one parent attending is more than sufficient?

proudmama72 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:32:12

no, no still married. Even though I have exposed my husband to public humiliationsmile

It made for an interesting conversation when he got home that evening.

OddBoots Mon 31-Mar-14 20:32:53

How odd, it's quite usual for either dh or me to go, sometimes it's both but that's not always possible and he is just as able to go as I am, it's never been an issue in any of the three schools my dc have been to.

kelda Mon 31-Mar-14 20:34:39

Very odd. I missed ds's last parents meeting because I was working; dh still went. They didn't bat an eyelid.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 31-Mar-14 20:37:12

I think you are within your rights to ask for an explanation.

15 min appointment shock my dc schools only gave 5 min some 10 min

but never 15.

Picturesinthefirelight Mon 31-Mar-14 20:42:23

No. Dd is secondary so impossible to arrange with all the different subject teachers.

I managed to get the person who runs a nearby branch to cover me last time.

HSMMaCM Mon 31-Mar-14 20:52:43

I don't think we have to go to parents evening at all if we don't want to.

Very strange.

proudmama72 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:55:32

I think the issue was that when the school secretary called me to book - because I hadn't returned the form - I said thanks but I wan't planning on booking an apt -but would definitely if the school had any concerns. She said no, no -there are no concerns. So I said thanks but I won't being booking one this term.

I later told my husband and he said he would go in. I didn't think it was mandatory and as we have 3 kids at 3 diff schools it gets a little difficult to make it to all of them.

proudmama72 Mon 31-Mar-14 20:56:49

It has left me feeling very unwelcome in the primary school - as if I'm the parent that doesn't care.

proudmama72 Mon 31-Mar-14 21:29:48

are there many primary schools who would be angered if parents miss a meeting. Is it generally considered bad form not to attend all of them?

Or is this headteacher just a little strange?

DeWe Mon 31-Mar-14 22:11:30

I think it comes across as slightly strange to say you'll only go in if there are concerns-and I wouldn't expect the school secretary necessarily to be able to tell me if there were.

Certainly at the infant school (and I suspect the juniors too) they would expect to see a representative from each child at some point round the parents' evening time, even if it was a quick after school meeting. Not that they'd be angry with you, but more along the lines of it would be a red flag of potential problems. They wouldn't have a problem with only one parent-or even grandparent/close relative you've given permission to, if you couldn't attend.

mygrandchildrenrock Mon 31-Mar-14 22:19:26

I'm a bit confused. Did the Headteacher interrupt the meeting between your husband and your child's teacher because you hadn't booked an appointment at parents evening, therefore there wouldn't have been any time slot for your husband to meet the teacher in? Was she just saying, 'your wife didn't book an appointment, therefore why are you here?'
I can't for the life of me see any other reason for doing what she did.

rollonthesummer Mon 31-Mar-14 23:20:55

I am confused too! Can you elaborate?

MagratGarlik Mon 31-Mar-14 23:36:48

We usually split parents evenings, I go for 1 dc and dp goes for the other. We compare notes later. It means we halve the amount of time we each spend there. Never had a teacher commenting about it, but they have queried why we didn't want a meeting for each child on the same evening once.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Mon 31-Mar-14 23:42:08

I think it's strange that neither of you wanted to go, tbh.
Doesn't matter which parent actually attends, but I would never turn down the opportunity, even if h went then filled me in later.

And most schools are big on parental engagement. So I understand the Head's position.
If his tone or language was rude or inappropriate he was out of order, obviously.

Picturesinthefirelight Mon 31-Mar-14 23:43:34

It's not always a case of not wanting to go but not bring able to go.

doodledotmum Tue 01-Apr-14 06:54:17

Only one of us ever goes as we have no child care in evenings. We get 10 mins so I am not paying £7.50 for a babysitter! Was the issue that no appt was actually made? Did he just turn up or did he have a slot booked?

rollonthesummer Tue 01-Apr-14 08:18:04

Did the head interrupt your husband talking to the teacher to ask where you were? That's how your OP reads and that would be ridiculous.

Most people either work or have other children so I would say in a large number of situations, it's just one parent who attends parents evening-mum or dad.

The children whose parents do not make an appointment at all either have a good reason (and will try to catch the teacher at another time) or appear disinterested which is often reflected in their progress. I can imagine the head/secretary wanting you to make an appointment as Ofsted is hot on parental involvement but I can't imagine why they'd interrupt your husband already at an appointment though?!

changedirection Tue 01-Apr-14 08:24:23

It sounds like you told them you weren't coming, but then your husband turned up anyway without an appointment. So they weren't expecting him (or you)

proudmama72 Tue 01-Apr-14 10:45:10

We don't like the format of parents night at this particular school. I love to get my daughters teachers time-and have informal chats after drop-off.

But you only limited general high level information during parents night, and I always feel so sorry for the teacher. with all the back-to-back meetings I don't think she remembers anything we say anyway.

hotcrosshunny Tue 01-Apr-14 10:48:31

Is she annoyed about an administrative aspect? Is the cancelling bit but not rearranging? Maybe a misunderstanding?

proudmama72 Tue 01-Apr-14 11:24:23

It might be. We go to them all now - never miss one at this school. And they never tell me much. Daughter has gone down below average in science and handwriting since last one and this was not even mentioned at last report.

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