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WWYD - Threatening letter from School/ general rant

(25 Posts)
chocolatecakeystuff Wed 26-Mar-14 21:24:43

DD has a progressive illness, she is statemented and supposed to have 1-1 help at all times, due to the nature of her illness we had to change schools in sepetemeber to somewhere all on one level as stairs are a no go these days. Her TA transfered with her. Towards the end of term she always gets incredibly tired, and can't function as well as other kids, i have to tube feed her 3 times during the night as the school refuse to do it, and most days i take her in a little late to compensate for this, usually before the register closes, we also tend to have 3 or 4 hospital/ doctor apointments in an avarage month, sometimes as many as 6 or 7 though. Today i recived a really snotty letter from the school calling me into a meeting due to her attandance. Telling me that if her poor attandance continues they will be looking at taking legal action and informing social services?!?!?! WHAT! So yes she had 25 hospital appointments since septemer, and 19 days where she has been late before the register has closed. I'm so angry right now, if the school would do the tube feeding they're meant to i wouldn't be up all sodding night and she wouldn't be so tired. To top it all off the schools automated gate system has been broken for the last few weeks which means every oppertunist about is parking in the car park, to which i have pass as DD can't walk very well/very far. I think i''ve only managed to park in the disabled space a handfull of times as it is, which i don't really mind as it's actually further away from the main building than the parking bay. But that does not make it acceptable to use as a free for all!
To add insult to injury we've just been told off for DD wearing white tights. (by the head master himself) she can either wear black tights... or white socks. Whats the difference?!?! GRRRR

QuiteQuietly Wed 26-Mar-14 21:42:37

Personally, if I felt school were being so unheplful, then I would welcome a meeting. And so what if they try to take legal action and inform social services? Its probably a standard "scary attendance letter" anyway. You are doing a difficult job and trying to do the best for your DD. Go to the meeting and take a list of things that would make a difference to DD's education and well-being at school. Try to take someone else as well and document everything said in a follow-up email. Is there someone like a key nurse, charity support worker or other semi-official or professional person who could help you negotiate?

Tights are annoying, but unless DD has teds or support stockings, then I would just get the correct ones and try to look compliant (while ranting away online of course). Pick your battles!

lougle Wed 26-Mar-14 21:49:38

"i have to tube feed her 3 times during the night as the school refuse to do it"

How would the school staff feel about having to have all their nutrients while they sleep then running on empty all day????

Are the tube feeds in her statement? If they're in Part 3 it has to be done. I bet they're in Part 6 though hmm

LEMmingaround Wed 26-Mar-14 21:51:36

Why wont the school tube feed her? That is outrageous - so you have to do this of night???? Yes, let them have a meeting - in fact, i'd be demanding one! Don't let them intimidate you

chocolatecakeystuff Wed 26-Mar-14 21:54:54

Tube feeds were in a prelim bit of part 6 as she didn't actually have to tube when she was statemented. Basically they say they're not confident with the training, but they've had more training than i ever had! She can eat during the day, but doesn't eat much.

Not conceeding on the tights i point blank refuse! There is no difference between long white socks and white tights. Heads just on a power trip!

I do have someone who will come to the meeting, who has known dd since the ilness first came one & works as a mutual party

Smo2 Wed 26-Mar-14 21:57:34

OH MY GOD...this is APPAULING! I would seriously be kicking some arse. My daughters attendance is down in the 80's because of all the medical appointments she has, and they are marked as authorised and there is no issue, in fact she got an attendance award last term, as she'd not had any days off sick, only medical appointments.

Do you have a disabled children's social worker? If you get a good one, they can seriously kick some arse, so I would be contacting them before the school does to ask for their support frankly. What is the matter with these people? Of course, do check before you go off on one, that it isn't just a standard letter all parents get of children with attendance that is lower than average. Of course, what they should be doing is popping a note in it saying, hey, don't worry, we know you're an exception to the rule, so don't take this letter to heart, we just have to send it.

As for the feeding, if they are supposed to do it, then I would be contacting the Gov's if they continue to refuse, and then taking it to the LEA. xx

chocolatecakeystuff Wed 26-Mar-14 22:04:43

Thanks guys, i'm seeing our comm pead on monday, tbh i think i might just hand it over to him & ask him to deal with it, as quite frankly april is going to be a shitter of a month (we've got 8 appointments and they're all over the place) and it's easter & it's a stupid busy month at work ARGH - you know where you get to a point that you just want to burry your head in the sand and pretend you have a nice normal life?

Smo2 Wed 26-Mar-14 22:06:29

Normal life? What's that then? xxxx

MiscellaneousAssortment Wed 26-Mar-14 22:07:52


starfishmummy Wed 26-Mar-14 22:33:34

I am wondering why you are doing three separate tube feeds each night - it must ne very disruptive for all of you.

DS has been tube fed for most of his life and at night he has one continuous feed via a feeding pump. It goes on when he goes to bed and runs until he gets up. Obviously its done at a slow speed (very slow at first but increasing gradually if tolerated).

If you want to know more than happy to help via pm

RueDeWakening Thu 27-Mar-14 00:02:22

Sounds like the school are not coding her attendance properly? They have a code (M) to use for authorised medical appointments, rather than the standard U, I would ask how many of her sessions have been marked as M and see what response you get.

chocolatecakeystuff Thu 27-Mar-14 21:34:13

We can't get on with the pump starfish - keeps her awake & seems to alarm every hour or so where she wiggles & lays on the tube xx

Twigletpiglet Fri 28-Mar-14 21:18:09

I don't have any expertise to offer but am so shocked at how you are being treated. The school are behaving appallingly. They should be bending over backwards to make life easier for your daughter, not threatening to take you to court. If your paediatrician isn't able to sort it out, can you speak to/write to the school governors?

kilmuir Fri 28-Mar-14 21:23:21

No advice but dear god they are treating you and DD appallingly. Hope someone will be able to advise

Floralnomad Fri 28-Mar-14 21:33:50

I just don't get why some schools are so unreasonable . I would book an appointment with the education welfare officer and sort it out through them . Has your dd got an ILP ,if not then that's what I'd push for and arrange a start time that's convenient to you . When my dd was first ill ( she has CFS) we agreed a short day and she went in at 9 30 and was collected at 1 ,she was still marked as attending on the days she did these hours . Eventually we got moved over to the health needs for education service which is something you may wish to consider , In our county they have small schools and are very flexible with tutors at home etc .

NigellasDealer Fri 28-Mar-14 21:37:01

How terrible - if I were you I would contact the EWO and SS myself

Moreisnnogedag Fri 28-Mar-14 22:01:46

Wait what?! I'd be welcoming a meeting with open arms although would probably have to sit on my hands throughout.

The 'lack of confidence' in tube feeding her is unacceptable and, really to me, morally abhorrent. What human being is able to say they're just not happy to do what is a fairly simple procedure and will allow a child to starve during the day?

Please chat to your community paed - I would personally write the snotiest letter ever to the head pointing out their failure to meet her basic needs and wholeheartedly support you. My blood boils on your behalf!

Nennypops Fri 28-Mar-14 22:22:51

The school is quite clearly guilty of disability discrimination. Say to them that this has to be sorted out, otherwise you will be taking this to the Special Educational Needs and Disability Tribunal. Also contact the Equality and Human Rights Commission, they might well be prepared to support you on this one.

nonicknameseemsavailable Fri 28-Mar-14 22:38:06

to be honest I would be tempted to send them a letter back saying that you 'presume this letter was a standard letter generated automatically and that as your daughter has a progressive illness that is noted in their records then it must have been sent to you in error'.

junkfoodaddict Sun 30-Mar-14 21:18:58

OMG! As a teacher, I am absolutely shocked, disgusted and embarrassed that you have been treated this way.
It is CLEAR the school are not being supportive and probably discriminating.
If this was my child, I wouldn't hesitate in moving her to a school that could promise to look after my child as deserved!
Obviously this is easier said than done but considering the Head even pulled you up on the colour of tights would indicate that he really couldn't give a toss! I'd be concerned about the way in which she was being treated and spoken to duirng the day. Seriously, have anohter look at other schools and speak to them in depth about your daughter's condition.
I have a friend whose child won't eat and has been on build up drinks since 15 months old (he's nearly 6) and he's being shouted at by ill-informed midday supervisors, told he should be dead by classmates (where HAVE they got that idea from?????) and is miserable at school.

answers Sun 30-Mar-14 21:24:48

When are you due for you next review meeting? If I was you I would agree to this meeting and suggest that it is used to transfer the statement onto an Education and Health Care Plan.. this will set out what is needed from all parties and ensure that you get the support you need from the school ....

chocolatecakeystuff Mon 31-Mar-14 19:46:34

Thanks guys, sorry have been uber busy all weekend so only just managed to log on at look at all your lovely replies.

Our next review is the week after easter (same time as my "have a bollocking for being late" meeting) We also have an IEP im assuming this is the same as an ILP

I also had a letter on Friday saying that as of this week they will be penalising whole classes of children who are regularly late/ don't attend school. I bought this up with the com Pead this morning & he was also very saddened by the schools behaviour & shall be writing a strongly worded letter to them, to explain the seriousness of the situation, and how appalled I am to have received the letter. Maybe I should just re tweet it or put it on facebook, as that's the only way the school likes to communicate these days!

The very same school who put all the kids grades on a big chart in the classroom wall for all too see. Just lovely. Unfortunalty she's not been at this school long, and only has another year left so I'm really reluctant to move her schools again. And to be brutally honest it's the only school that's all on one level in the area.

Polkadotscarf Fri 04-Apr-14 06:37:55

Hmmm...I would write to the board of governors. This school is discriminating against your child. We are a main stream school and have a number of staff trained to tube feed 3 of our children with additional needs.
Schools get pressure from above with regards to attendance and ofsted look at it closely which may explain their actions a bit but every child is different and they need to look at your circumstances!

chocolatecakeystuff Sat 12-Apr-14 20:49:24

Well - It gets better - today I received a letter from Local Safegarding children board (social services)
The school came good on their threat to report me - The letter reads as follows - anyone who knows social service speak please feel free to translate as I'm a bit baffled tbh
"We are writing in relation to the referral we have received in relation to your child. We considered the available information and have reached the decision for no further action to be taken by the statutory childrens services.

We understand this can be difficult time for you, and we would want to assist you in alleviating any concerns you may have in relation to this referral. Please do not hesistate to contact us to discyss any possible matters in relation to your child.

If you would like to know more about the information received you will need to complete a subject access request form at the following web address.

The only people I can think of that could have reported me for anything would be the school? I don't know of anyone that would make a malicious report & surely that would have been investigated directly rather than dismissed without so much as a visit or letter?

MrsCakesPremonition Sat 12-Apr-14 22:12:04

How strange. I'd definitely follow up that letter with a request for more information, if only so you have all the details when you meet the school.

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