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Completely over stressing about DD's friendships - help.

(3 Posts)
HebeJeeby Wed 12-Mar-14 14:28:52

DD is 6yo an only child and in Year 2. She is very happy at school and always wants to go. She is doing well academically and appears to have lots of friends. I have her friends over for play dates which are reciprocated. She can be a bit of a drama queen i.e. if they're playing families, she's got to be the child who hurts herself and so needs special attention in the game. Also she can be quick to complain and we've had a chat about telling tales and the difference between accidents and more deliberate behaviour.

The problem is totally me. I worry that although she is happy and always has someone to play with, she appears to be on the periphery of her friends and no one seems to come up to her to say hello or ask her to play in the mornings when we arrive. Mind you she doesn't do the same either. Some of the other girls seem so much more grown up whilst I think DD is a bit socially immature. She doesn't seem to get invited to may of the class birthday parties and whilst it doesn't bother her in the slightest, I worry that it will in years to come if the situation stays the same. I watched her at play time today and she was happily skipping on her own and interacting with others when she felt like it. She did seem to want to skip with another girl but seemed to be told to go away.

Please tell me all this is normal and I'm completely neurotic. I worry that she's not Little Miss Popular and that she doesn't have a any real friendships. Is this normal at this stage? My husband tells me it is but I don't seem to be able to accept it to the point where I'm really, really upset about it a lot of the time and think I may need counselling! I wasn't desperately popular myself at school and it took me until late secondary school to settle into my skin and my friends. Is it just me projecting my own fears?

Thanks for reading.

shebird Wed 12-Mar-14 17:18:52

If it is any comfort my DD in Y2 sounds similar to yours. She is happy and appears to have lots of friends but no best friends as such and sometimes plays about on her own. In contrast her older sister has had the same group of friends since nursery so I find it hard not to compare and worry but they are totally different personalities.

You say DD is happy and gets invited for play dates so she does have friends. It is normal for girls of this age to tell tales and by year 2 birthday parties tend to be smaller so not everyone gets invited. She is also still only 6 where some of her more mature classmates might be 7/7.5. It sounds like you are doing all the right things with playdates etc. so I would try not to worry too much as long as she is happy you should be too smile

workatemylife Wed 12-Mar-14 17:27:14

You could be me! I was the quiet kid in the class who struggled to make friends, and worry that Dc is the same. The girls seem to have split into cliques and she is more of a butterfly - will play with different kids each day. Not many playdate invites though, and no 'best friend'. Until suddenly when she talked about another child a lot, and they play in school and outside.
I had asked the class teacher if all was okay and was told she was fine - bright, cheerful, happy, but just not 'exclusive' in the way that some others are, which the teacher thought was actually a good thing. I try not to stress and count invitations to play / parties but it is hard. But if your dd seems happy (and check with the teacher if you are worried), she may just have a wide circle of friends without having a real soulmate. Yet. Once she does there is the whole ' you are not my best friend any more' thing to deal with. Can of worms really!

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