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How good is this piece of writing?

(9 Posts)
Fuzzymum1 Fri 07-Mar-14 21:10:45

DS3's teacher came and told me she was really impressed with a character description he had written about Goldilocks. She particularly pointed out his use of brackets and other punctuation.
He is in year 2 and has recently turned 7. Writing is something he loves and tries really hard at, this is alien to me as the rest of the family are way more maths and science oriented.

I would appreciate some opinions on it, thanks - not really bothered by levels but would be interested what you think.

I believe this was an independent piece of work following a class discussion.

(paragraphs, punctuation and spelling as he wrote them, his writing is fairly neat, easily legible and some bits are joined.)

Goldilocks is prety because she has golden ringlets a ruby red dress and some shiny, red shoes that gleam in the sunlite. She also has BIG Brown eyes and always carrys a basscet around to colect fire wood.

Goldilocks’s curiosaty got the better of her because she couldn't resist it so she had to go in. (If I were Goldilocks I would come back later and see if they were back.) She’s is greedy because she ate ALL of Baby baer’s porige.

One of her favarot things are walking in the woods, looking down rabbit holes and peeking under pebles. When she went into the woods she said “I wonte get my little red shoes dirty mummy!” and when she was at the Bear’s house she said “Oooooo! I wonder what the porige tastes like?”

When Goldilocks fell off the chair I think she felt embarassed. Arfter she had got home arfter the stressfull chase with the three bears her heart was beeting 19 to the dozen!

YoullNeedATray Fri 07-Mar-14 22:19:05

Year 2? That's pretty impressive! Correct apostrophes too, which is more than most adults can manage.

Be very proud and nurture that love of words. :-)

VintageBrunette Fri 07-Mar-14 22:22:29

Very good, you should be proud, tell him he is a natural and must work for all he's got, I wish I did smile

HmmAnOxfordComma Sat 08-Mar-14 02:18:03

Great vocabulary and correct use of the conditional tense.

Does he read a lot? I think he's a natural writer; the teacher's right smile

Somanychanges Sat 08-Mar-14 02:28:17

I love the ending 'beating 19 to the dozen" that is fab.
My son is in year two and this is more advanced than his work.

Fuzzymum1 Sat 08-Mar-14 09:32:23

Thanks. I was very proud of it. He is too smile his teacher has told him she wants him to 'show off' in his writing and he's really trying to now. He does read a lot, has always had a mature grasp of language and its so lovely to see that coming out in his work.

umpity Sat 08-Mar-14 11:34:34

Very promising. I could not have written anything up to that standard at that age.

Sleepyhoglet Sat 08-Mar-14 11:58:22

As a year 2 teacher I would award that a level 2a. It is good. Perhaps he would work on using more adverbs now.

Sleepyhoglet Sun 09-Mar-14 18:21:11

I also meant to say that it doesn't matter how good the work is on terms of grading, what is important is that obviously your son has made a special effort and his teacher is proud if him which is all you need really!

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