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worried about school trip for reception

(52 Posts)
anicecuppa Mon 03-Mar-14 20:24:12

DD started reception in sep, she is struggling to settle in and make friends with the others as she is very young, she had just turned 4 the week before she started. I have spoken to the teacher at length about how we can get her more settled etc. Anyway I have just heard that there is a school trip coming up, where they will go on a coach for 40 mins and then have a day out and the coach back. I just feel that she is far too young to be doing this and am really worried that it's going to unsettle her further etc, I have asked if I can go too and help on the trip but they have said they have enough staff going so no more space...I am thinking of not letting her go but when I said this to the school, they looked shocked as if I was doing something awful! I know don't know if to let her go or not...I don't want her to be further left out by not having been on the trip but also I don't want her to feel unhappy all day and have to deal with a whole day away just so she doesn't get left out!

heather1 Mon 03-Mar-14 20:31:18

What are they doing for the trip? I would ask the teacher how the seating arrangements in the coach are arranged and see if she can sit near the front and with a child she gets on well with.
If she is spending the day at school then she should be ok on a school trip. Just make the teacher aware of what your specific concerns are and ask them to keep a special eye on her.
Try to to let your dd know you are worried. My Ds is off on his first overnight, well 2 nights trip, with school. I'm really worried because he often has problems standing up for himself. But I'm not going to let him know that because he is very excited and looking forward to it a lot.

PartyConfused Mon 03-Mar-14 20:33:50

I don't understand your fears. Why are you worried? They will be practically attached to the adults the whole time.
My dd is almost the same age as yours but admittedly is in preschool. I'd allow ger yo do this now.
You will make her difficulty with integrating worse if you don't allow her to go.

colditz Mon 03-Mar-14 20:36:25

Don't leave her out like this. Tbh I think you should consider seeking some counselling because its not normal to worry so much about a four year old. Please don't take this as a criticism, I have a generalised anxiety disorder, and even I didn't withdraw my four year old from trips, so you can see that your level of anxiety is not normal.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 03-Mar-14 20:37:32

Where are they going?

noramum Mon 03-Mar-14 20:59:02

Check with the school what child-to-adult ratio they have. DD went the first time by train and they had in Reception and Y1 2 children with one adult, holding hands all the time outside.

Only now in Y2 they relax it to 3 children per adult on public transport.

Coach - yes they need less adults but they will most likely split them in small groups with 1-2 adults per group.

They do these trips each year, most likely they visit the same venues again and again. They have a mountain of paperwork to deal with to ensure everything is covered.

The more you make a fuss the more your DD will realise it and other children may make fun that she is a "Mummy-girl" who can't be doing anything on her own.

Do you leave her anytime outside school? Does she attend any clubs where you just drop-off?

kilmuir Mon 03-Mar-14 21:12:33

What on earth is your concern. You will alienate her even more by not letting her go. Its a well managed event in my experience. Everything is thought of, toilet stops etc.
Speak to the teacher , but please do not let your paranoia stop her enjoying a day out

Technical Mon 03-Mar-14 21:18:49

Where are they going and does she want to go?

Regardless, I agree with the others, she should go. She's not the first 4yo to have gone to school and taken a while to settle. She's yours, I get that but honestly the staff will have it all under control and be well aware of which children may need a little extra TLC on the day.

bloated1977 Mon 03-Mar-14 21:20:13

Is she worried about going? I'm sure she'll love it - even better that it's away from the classroom!

Technical Mon 03-Mar-14 21:21:22

Colditz, I don't agree that it's not normal, I think it's completely normal to worry, a lot, about a 4yo who hasn't settled well at school. It would be wrong though to let your own worries impact her.

anicecuppa Mon 03-Mar-14 21:35:23

Thanks for your replies. DD finds new situations very stressful, for example she gets really upset at kids parties as she doesn't know what to do and isn't confident to just join in playing with the other children. She gets anxious and when she gets anxious she starts to behave badly, such as pushing other kids etc. I really don't feel I am worrying too much in this situation. I have an older DD who is totally different personailty to DD and she breezes through school trips, school in general etc. So my concern was that I know she will find all the new and unknown things such as travelling by coach etc etc scary and why would I not be concerned about letting my DD get scared for the day if I have the option of that not happening??

colditz Mon 03-Mar-14 21:43:31

Ok. If YPU feel that it's normal to be so worried you're considering withdrawing her, why is everyone saying not to?

youbethemummylion Mon 03-Mar-14 21:44:52

You may find something that would have your DD in tears if you were around will just be taken in her stride without you there and being treated with the special brand of kindness/no nonsense approach reception teachers specialise in. I say this from experience.

Lottiedoubtie Mon 03-Mar-14 21:47:43

I think the best way you can help her get over this is to plough on with business as usual. The more she 'doesn't do things' the less she will.

JoyceDivision Mon 03-Mar-14 21:53:14

Please let her go, it will be a strictly 'managed'event,I don't just mean in the usual health and safety ticklist, but managed as in staff will be structuring the day so the children will be instructed what to do and when, so rather than children being allowed to play and socialise as they do in class, they will be stuck with an adult who will be telling them when they can eat, walk, stop to look at things etc,so the structure to the trip may make it more enjoyable for your DD if there is clear structure to teh trip making her feel more secure.

I've helped out on trips (prob been asked because I'm not too mumsy and will be stern if required!) and children are placed with appropriate staff, so children who are upset or being naughty get moved about to be with teh most suitable adult.

Ferguson Mon 03-Mar-14 21:55:46

As a retired primary TA, I went on very many trips with classes, including some Reception ones. If you know any of the TAs who are going, or possibly parent helpers, particularly if DD knows them, see if you can ask them to 'keep an eye' on her.

We were just the same with our DS, but he is now aged thirty, so we don't worry quite so much!

beachesandbuckets Mon 03-Mar-14 22:00:13

Agree with Lottie. My DS is really anxious (the only kid to freak out on day 1 of reception) and I was really worried about his first trip at Christmas in reception. To the theatre. Much to my pleasant surprise, he had a fab time, loved being on the coach, still goes on about it a year later. You have to let her do this as it will only escalate the problem. You shouldn't go with her.

BrianTheMole Mon 03-Mar-14 22:04:33

My dd was anxious too, although she's better these days. I always find she gets on a lot better without me there. I would let her go on the trip, she'll enjoy it when she gets there. It wouldn't be fair to single her out and not let her go, I think you'd be making things worse.

LynetteScavo Mon 03-Mar-14 22:04:38

Hmmm.....those saying don't worry don't know your DD like you do. I'm presuming you let your older DC go on trips in reception. I didn't let DS1 go on nursery trips, and he would have been about the same age as your DD is now. He still struggles with trips aged 15, but since he started school I've felt it's really important he goes on them, without me.

If you do decide not to let her go on the trip, do take her to the place the class are visiting yourself, or she will be disadvantaged, as the class will be talking about the trip in class. - I missed a school trip when I was 9 (to the local canal tunnel hmm) and when I got back to school it was tricky, because I couldn't write about it or paint what I remembered seeing.

affinia Mon 03-Mar-14 22:07:46

I think its not that unusual to be so worried about a child who is not enjoying school. You are thinking about her emotional well-being, not inventing lots of possible health and safety issues.

I would firstly separate out your fears from hers. How does she feel ? Even if very nervous, unconfident could she be a tiny bit excited too? Children are capable of feeling different things at the same time, just as adults.

And then look at it from another angle. What a huge step it will be for her to achieve this, just think how much praise you will be able to heap on her for scaling this mountain, or if you choose not to make a big deal of it, just know how good it will be for her confidence.

If you still really feel its a step too far, then missing a school trip age 4 is not going to be the defining event of her school career. As for other children, they are used to other kids being off school every day with various illnesses, holidays etc, it will barely register and, if they notice, at 4 it will be as a fleeting observation, not a character evaluation. My DC have each missed a school trip due to illness.

The only issue I would foresee is that when school work is focused on the trip afterwards it might damage her confidence further to think she was the only one not 'capable' of going on a trip.

Hope it works out

TamerB Mon 03-Mar-14 22:23:06

She will be very well looked after by an adult, they won't have many children each. It is a really good opportunity to bond and make friends. You can't leave her out, it isn't just the trip, classroom work will be based around it.

kilmuir Mon 03-Mar-14 22:28:13

I think she will be picking up your worries. Keep it fun,

souperb Mon 03-Mar-14 22:28:57

DS was very anxious about school in reception. I went on one trip and he did two alone - he was much happier without me, as he just seemed to feed off my worry. Teachers want parent helpers who can deal with a few children, not spend the day with their own kid stuck to them limpet-like making a fuss all day. Reception is hard for some children, most will get there eventually. DS has only hit his stride socially in Yr2, but I doubt keeping him home on trip days would have got him there any earlier. I think it would have made the second trip more of a scary unknown to have missed the first one.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Mon 03-Mar-14 22:33:02

We have a little boy in dd2's class who gets extremely anxious in busy or unexpected situations. He has his own helper to sit with him through the day. Could your dd have someone with her for the day? I realise this takes resources away from the rest of the class but extra needs can be catered for. smile

DalmationDots Mon 03-Mar-14 22:37:15

Children are amazingly resiliant and schools aren't stupid, they know how to keep the DC safe and happy. There is unlikely to be much pressure to 'know what to do' like at parties and it will be much more structured. great opportunity for your DD to start making friends and be exposed gradually to new things and situations but with lots of adult support.
Don't worry- it sounds like her stress and anxiety almost comes from you...I don't mean that in a harsh way, it is true of huge numbers of parents (probably myself too when my DC were young). Once you relax and aren't fretting, your DD will pick up on it and not have that initial anxiety.

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