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DD Y1 'feels sad and left out'

(17 Posts)
Hix Mon 03-Mar-14 18:47:38

My DD is in Y1 and says she 'feels sad and left out' at break times. She says when she trys to talk to other kids they often ignore her.

I have spoken to the teacher a couple of times who says my DD is very sociable and plays with lots of children and there's nothing to worry about.

However I have seen her try and join in and be ignored, and all the other girls in her class have formed groups and invite each other to their houses etc.

We have invited most of the girls around to play, but she hasn't been invited back. I think that they all quite like her but she just hasn't 'clicked' with another friend.

She is very friendly and I think part of the problem is that she try's too hard to be nice and won't stick up for herself. I get the impression that others know they can be a bit mean to her sometimes because she will never retaliate and will always try to smooth things over.

I have talked to her about not trying so hard to be friendly, and standing up for herself. But she says she forgets when she is at school, she is only 5 after all.

I have also talked to her about the fact that it's quite normal to feel a bit left out sometimes.

I am hoping you will all pile in and tell me not to worry so much and that friendships at this age are constantly shifting and not seeming to have many friends at this stage isn't any indication of how things will be in a few years time.

Is there anything else I can do?

gamerchick Mon 03-Mar-14 18:56:58

sadly not much.. they have to find their own way sad

Is there not an outside interest she could become interested in perhaps?

Hix Mon 03-Mar-14 19:03:27

She does have one friend from outside school, but not a great one, and school is such a big part of their lives.

I think you may be right about them finding their own way, it's just so hard to watch sometimes.

Guitargirl Mon 03-Mar-14 19:09:10

Is she only trying to play with girls? DD is now in Y2 and has only really started playing with girls this year, in nursery, reception and Y1 most of her friends were boys, the girls all seemed to pair up.

mummy2bears Mon 03-Mar-14 19:10:01

Hi sorry to read this it breaks your heart doesn't it, my daughter is in yr 1 and has come home screaming and crying tonight that everyone is telling on her during break times, she was the same last week as well, when I've asked at school they tell me the same that's she's very social and friendly.
Maybe you could try inviting a friend back for tea or over at the weekend? I think outside interests do help, my daughter goes to rainbows where she mixes with girls not from her school.

mummy2bears Mon 03-Mar-14 19:11:58

Sorry hadn't read your post properly, I see you've already invited them over. X

Hix Mon 03-Mar-14 19:15:51

I think she does play with boys too, as the teacher says, she plays with everybody. But she just hasn't clicked with any of the small groups.

We've tried inviting children round - but it's quite contrived i.e. it's me that's encouraging it, and she never gets invited back.

She goes to two outside clubs specifically so she can meet a wider group, not not much joy yet.

She is so kind and nice and outgoing (adults always love her) that I'm hoping that eventually she will 'find her level.

It doesn't help that one girl she started being friendly with has turned out to be a tiny arch manipulator of the 'Im not your friend today/if you don't do what I want' type.

JustLetMeSleep Mon 03-Mar-14 19:23:09

It's so hard, isn't it? My DD has said exactly the same the last few weeks, the group she often plays with has said she can't join in. I think it's quite shifting in her year, before half term they seemed to be leaving another friend out. I've invited a few of the boys over and am trying to get her friendlier with people outside that group as it does seem quite manipulative at times. Her good friend has been saying quite mean things to her too (although I think she gives as good as she gets). It's just horrible that it starts so young. The school say exactly the same about DD, that she's sociable and plays with lots of different people. I don't really know what to do about it either except make other play dates and let her know we are here for her and love her.

casthom Mon 03-Mar-14 19:25:41

Sounds much like my daughter. She is in year two now but has not got any special friends. Whenever I speak to the teachers about it they say she is always playing with someone and is never on her own. We have invited children round to play but she rarely gets invited back. I think it bothers me more than it does her as she is always happy to go to school. I guess all children are different and we should just let them get on with it and see what happens.

Hix Mon 03-Mar-14 19:27:28

I know, it's really difficult.

At least from what you're saying Justletmesleep I should stop worrying as it may be a case of out of the frying pan into the fire grin.

Ferguson Mon 03-Mar-14 22:24:11

If there are any younger Reception children in the same playground, maybe she could 'look out' for any of them who might not have someone to play with.

Some schools have 'friendship benches' where you can sit and team up with someone.

Do they have much 'play apparatus' available in the playground? Schools used to have very sterile playgrounds, but these days many have plenty of stuff you can just play with/in/on on your own.

As long as she's not too distraught I'm sure she will come through OK.

Hix Mon 03-Mar-14 23:46:51

It would be great if the playground had stuff kids could happily do by themselves Ferguson, but all 'apparatus' is strictly for older kids.

Are there any games you can play on your own in the playground?

Ferguson Tue 04-Mar-14 19:26:47

Thar's a great shame! Is there not a PTA or 'school council' type thing where you could ask about getting suitable apparatus?

My last small primary had a 'climbing wall' built, with little hand-hole and stepping-on plastic brackets screwed onto a wall; not very high, so wouldn't hurt if they fell off, though no one ever did. They used to love working their way along it, and working out how to pass if someone came the opposite way.

We also had hoops; skipping ropes; walk-on things with ropes to hold on to, like mini stilts. Other schools have had little wooden 'houses', trains, ships, low balancing poles to walk across. Also professionally decorated playgrounds, with 'snakes & ladders', hop-scotch, number grids, spiral shapes, an 'ocean' area with islands, sharks, pirates etc. Old discarded car tyres are also used in a variety of ways, to climb or jump on, or crawl through.

Try and encourage other parents to take an interest, maybe raise money. This is the main supplier whose equipment I have seen:

This is their 'climbing wall' stuff, which I guess should not be TOO expensive, as I assume a capable non-professional could attach them to a suitable wall:

They even do musical stuff:

Hope you make some progress!

Ferguson Tue 04-Mar-14 19:34:23

Sorry - messed up first link:

Hix Tue 04-Mar-14 19:38:55

That looks great, thanks!

Hogwash Wed 05-Mar-14 23:48:42

Why is the teacher not getting more involved? Our school would come down quite heavily on some children refusing to play with others.

Qix Thu 06-Mar-14 00:04:05

Sorry about name change mid thread - it's me, Hix.

I don't think the teacher is aware really. DD would never make a fuss and I don't think it's all the time. The teacher says she plays with lots of children.

I have mentioned this one girl to the teacher, but the response was pretty much 'oh that's just what she's like', which didn't feel all that helpful, though at least I felt then that it isn't that DD is being targeted In some way, which is what I fear since she's so soft.

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