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Dd upset, is my DS?

(8 Posts)
Peppapigisnotmyname Tue 25-Feb-14 11:53:04

This is a complicated one so sorry about the length of this - thanks for reading though.

Firstly, I have married but my DH works very long hours so I am the one who looks after ours DCs, my mum died 7 years ago and I also have a dad who is severely disabled and I help look after him. My in laws choose not to get involved with our kids too much so I mainly alone, trying to make decisions etc because of this I had severe depression about a year ago and became suicidal. Thankfully I'm on anti depressants so I'm much better now smile

My problem is mainly to do with my DCs, especially dd. My DS is 9. He was an IVF baby and was very much wanted. He was diagnosed with ASD when he was five. As far as I'm concerned, it's just part of who he is. We were told it was mild at dx and he's been doing fine in ms school with support, statemented etc. he's very literal, has a couple of obsessions etc at times it's a challenge but i just get on with it. He attends a school that's very high achieving, I feel that, although they're inclusive, it's really only because it's PC to be so, that, at best, they just tolerate DS. He never gets any certificates, trophies etc and he's been very upset about this over the years. I've spoken to them about boosting his confidence but they don't listen, they're never wrong, it's always DS whose fault etc sad this isn't just my opinion, it's the opinion of other parents too with SN children.

I also have a five year old dd, incidentally not IVF an unexpected blessed addition smile. She is an extremely confident, very bright girl. I thought she'd flourish in school. But since starting reception in sept 2013, she's completely retreated. She's now crying about school. Doesn't want to go in, comes out crying. She's had numerous injuries in the playground, three head injuries in a week, she had the hood of her coat completely ripped off by another child. When I help out in class's, she clinging to my leg. Even at children's parties she's crying whereas twelve months ago she'd have been the life and soul. She hardly ever speaks at school. I feel she being over looked and forgotten. I've spoken to the teacher, she looked at me blankly! Didn't know what I was talking about! They are monitoring her this week but ..... Remember I said they're never wrong! I spoke to the SENCO about DS today, she thinks my concerns over Dd are because of DS and ASD, really?

I just don't know what to make of it! Because I'm an antidepressants, I know much judgement can sometimes be clouded, but am I really so wrong in worrying about the change in my dd? Over half term, she came alive again, it was wonderful to see her like that again. I've now found out that another school nearby has space for dd, should I move her there? Or I
Am I over reacting? I can't bear the thought of seeing my dd crushed by this school anymore. It

MrsKCastle Tue 25-Feb-14 12:07:32

No, I don't think you're overreacting. Tbh, if it were me, I'd look very seriously at moving her to a different school. Would the other school have space for your DS as well? Because he doesn't sound particularly happy either- although I can understand that a move might be difficult for him.

Starting school is a huge adjustment for some children, but what you're describing does not sound right... Especially the fact that a child can be so unhappy with the teachers not aware of it.

ButEmilylovedhim Tue 25-Feb-14 12:19:27

I would also move her and look into moving your ds too. It's very hard, nigh impossible to change a school's view, philosophy whatever you want to call it (can't think of the word I mean!). It's so ingrained, it's like they just can't 'hear' any other viewpoints. I had to move schools in a situation like your dd's and nearly cried all over the new headmistress, I was so relieved he would be going somewhere different. Hope it all works out.

noramum Tue 25-Feb-14 12:21:11

I agree, the school may be wrong for both of them. Either she is unhappy because they make her feel "she is the sister of DS" or is is in a class which does not suit her and the teacher are ignoring the problem.

Move her straight away and try to get a space for DS too if they are able to provide for him. As he is in KS2 the rules about class sizes are more loose then for KS1, so with your DD being a sibling he may be able to get on.

I hope you can sort this fast.

nonicknameseemsavailable Tue 25-Feb-14 12:42:41

I would say trust your instinct. I have been on antidepressants so I know what you mean but I think here your instincts are right. My eldest is under investigation for ASD and my youngest started school in sep. the youngest one doesn't like school at the moment, lacks confidence and really is struggling with making friends but the school couldn't be more helpful and caring towards her.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 25-Feb-14 12:48:05

I would change schools definitely, probably for both children.

This sounds awful sad

AllDirections Tue 25-Feb-14 12:48:34

DD1 was the same at that age and went to a similar type of school. After a year of problems and the school being unhelpful I moved her to a different school. All her problems disappeared overnight and we never looked back. She's 17 now!

systemsmalfunction Tue 25-Feb-14 22:26:26

Have a look round the other school.

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