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I am losing the will to live with ds's reading

(50 Posts)
Onelittlebugbear Wed 19-Feb-14 15:41:18

Ds is five in June and started school last September. He could blend three letter words when he started and is now reading unit 11 Dandelion readers. Not sure how these correspond to other levels - red maybe?

Anyway it's unbelievably painful listening to him because he doesn't want to do it, he sounds out a lot of the words still (knows the hfw) but will just say random letters because he can't be arsed to look properly. I know this because if I bribe him with a sweet for every page suddenly there is a massive improvement. I loathe listening to him read, it's beyond irritating. I like reading to him and read to him a lot but listening to him read makes me want to tear my hair out. Mostly he has to be bribed into doing it at all and then he constantly interrupts himself saying "I'm only reading this bit." "I'm only reading this sentence" "I'm stopping after this page"

Any suggestions? I'm tempted not to bother as I don't think pushing it is helping much. He's so tired when he's finished school that that is part of the problem but to be honest he just has zero interest in it.
He isn't very able and I think progress will generally be slow anyway but if he would practice just for five minutes a day I think we would see an improvement.

ClaimedByMe Wed 19-Feb-14 15:49:11

My dd was the same, she is now 11 and can finally read, she had no interest in reading, nothing we could do would make her want to read, eventually i just gave up making her do it, its only in the last 6 months she has really finally 'got it'.

I also have a 8yo ds who could read fluently at 6.

Keep reading to him though.

columngollum Wed 19-Feb-14 15:50:07

Maybe he just doesn't like school books. That's perfectly reasonable. Most of them are rubbish.

mrz Wed 19-Feb-14 15:53:10

If you have an ipad you might be interested in which matches perfectly with the Dandelion books

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM Wed 19-Feb-14 15:53:57

I would stop pushing immediately.

Let him come to it in his own time.

If it hasn't clicked by age 6, ish then start to worry.

nonicknameseemsavailable Wed 19-Feb-14 15:55:30

would he agree to read in the morning when he is less tired? you might manage to get more done in a short amount of time and he might find it easier therefore increasing his confidence?

DD2 is currently having an 'I'm going to guess because it is too much effort to actually look in detail' patch. driving me mad. especially when I know she can do it.

Solo Wed 19-Feb-14 15:59:45

IME, they suddenly 'get it' at 6.6yrs old.
Stop worrying. Keep reading to him and getting him interested in stories and books, get him to look at the pictures etc. I'm sure he'll be there soon.

Onelittlebugbear Wed 19-Feb-14 17:48:36

He will sometimes read in the morning but sometimes not. He's really into board games and generally wants to do that instead. I try saying we will play after you've read but he just rushes through the book then so he can play more quickly.

He just has no inclination. Friend's dd who is just six months older asks to read every day and insists on reading before bed. Oh to have a child that was willing to learn! Mine is stubborn and if it doesn't happen immediately he gives up.

Twiceover Wed 19-Feb-14 19:40:51

I have DTs, 4.5 in reception. One is really keen to read to me and tries to read everything she sees. The other one really isn't keen and gives up after 2 pages. I'm reading with her every other day and not pushing it beyond when she loses interest. I think she reads quite well in school but can't be bothered at home and I think she will get to grips with it in her own time. It is definitely much more rewarding to read with the keen one though!

screamingeels Wed 19-Feb-14 19:49:54

Solo, i love your very specific advice. As mother to a 6.4 yr old struggling reader I am going to whole heartedly believe you (whilst drilling DD in digraphs just in case).

kwaker5 Wed 19-Feb-14 19:51:57

Don't make him do it if he doesn't want to. My DS was very reluctant at first and I was quite worried. We never got through his books before the teacher changed them and I felt awful not being able to fill in his reading log. But he is one of the best readers in his class now (Y2). Think about subscribing to Reading Eggs or something similar if you think it will help but do not force it.

BrandNewIggi Wed 19-Feb-14 19:58:11

My ds is 6.6 this month, still waiting for the penny to drop! Both parents avid readers, so we stupidly thought he'd be the same.. Loves being read to, hates reading.

TheGreatHunt Wed 19-Feb-14 20:37:37

Hopefully he isn't picking up on your reticence?? I would just do reading as you reading to him then maybe gently encourage him to try words that you know he should recognise as he goes. Maybe get DH to read with him if possible?

Solo Thu 20-Feb-14 01:43:28

Screaming I did say IME! My two did exactly the same thing at that age and there is 8 years difference and Ds is an August born ~ he was a nightmare! but once he hit 6.6 he just took off and for the following 8 years, he read all the time! from age 10 until 14, he read a book a day (The Hunger Games for example) and I spent a fortune on books for him.

Bitlost Thu 20-Feb-14 03:44:21

Why losing the will? He's not even 5. Give him time. We ask far too much from them from a very early stage. My daughter will be 5 at the end of August and is sounding out a lot of, if not most, words still. She has little interest for her reading books except for the Songbirds ones, which have much better stories. Perhaps try those?

screamingeels Thu 20-Feb-14 07:23:49

I know solo, its just nice to be reminded to chill occasionally. It's very easy to get incredibly anxious about the whole thing.

capercaillie Thu 20-Feb-14 07:28:41

Find other things to read. Read to him. My DS loves non-fiction and I do a lot of looking around for fiction that will interest him.

Agree that the Songbird phonics is good - straightforward reads which help children get a sense of achievement

TheGirlOnTheLanding Thu 20-Feb-14 07:34:27

DD1 wasn't keen on learning to read either (despite loving being read to) and I found it a real trial (and often a battle of wills). What made it click for her was finding a book she was motivated to read for herself - in her case a Moshi Monsters guide, when she wanted to know everything about them - but once it clicked, she was off and within a surprisingly short time, it wasn't hard work any more and she is now reading for fun all the time. Can you take him to a bookshop and let him have a completely free choice? Reading fact books, Lego books, choose your path books, those sticker books that DK do about WW2 or pirates - anything at all that he likes the look of - will motivate more than school books even if they're a bit beyond his ability.

Rooble Thu 20-Feb-14 07:50:46

If he loves board games, find him board games that involve some reading rather than forcing him through books. Eg stuff like monopoly with forfeit cards, or we have a game called the London Board game which has cards you have to read (this would be a challenging game for a 5yo, but my DS is 6 - Y2 - and has loved it for about 12 months).
There are educational publishers who produce this kind of thing, too.
Also, I agree about doing it in the morning, when he's well slept, full of breakfast and hopefully energy.
When DS used to get fed up with reading books we would do a challenge where he would read one page, then I would read the next - but! He had to spot the errors in my reading. He enjoyed that one.
Best of luck

throckenholt Thu 20-Feb-14 07:59:15

From experience I would say back off.

My DS one struggled to read at that age - and it was a painful experience for all of us. He is now 12 and has been a great reader for years.

In hindsight I wish we hadn't tried to push it. Read to him, show him reading is fun and relevant and leave the rest to school and time.

And get some books that fascinate him (for DS1 it is tractors, for DS2 it is owls, and for DS3 it is What Car) - let him browse them as much as he likes and he will teach himself to read because he will want to know about the content. Can be anything at all that stimulates his interest.

Judyandherdreamofhorses Thu 20-Feb-14 08:10:36

My DD is 4, only started school 6 weeks ago. She has always loved books, telling stories and being read to, but hasn't taken to this having to do it yourself business yet!

Her school books are good - I think the alphablocks and other phonics bug ones are very cleverly done - but they're nothing like the books she's used to. She'll very happily play schools, be my bossy teacher or my mum - I have to get everything wrong and she corrects me, thus getting in as much blending practice as I can cope with. Would something like this work for you?

Solo Thu 20-Feb-14 14:44:09

I just hate all this pushing we do on our very young. Personally, I think they should be playing, learning to socialise and share at school without their parents hovering overhead. Let them explore their classrooms, teach them to tidy up the things they've used. Do this until they are 6 then teach them to read and write properly.

Givemeabreakimtryingmybest Thu 20-Feb-14 20:06:33

I agree, Solo, that a lot is expected from too young an age. Exploring is key - it's the principle behind the teaching of many top schools. I would suggest: take him to the library and let him "explore" the variety of books on offer - let him choose what he in interested in \ captivated by. It might be non- fiction that gets him more interested - quite typical for boys. Also, try books that have audio CDs so they can "follow" as they hear it read. Just some ideas. But mainly, be patient - don't let him see he is winding you up! Also, play "reading" games that have nothing to do with books - eg I Spy or write some simple words on post-its - like "dog" - he has to read the word and then go find the object and stick the post-it on it (you could print out pictures of the objects and stick them up in various locations so he has to hunt them down) He'll be reading without knowing it and once it becomes fun he may be more interested in the books.

freetrait Thu 20-Feb-14 22:43:46

He's too young. Just leave it for a while. Honestly, you can take a month or two or six off and that might be the best thing rather than get a negative attitude to reading.

This is where I was pleased my kids have Autumn birthdays. DS learnt a little bit in nursery age 4.5, then didn't want to do it so we backed off. He then started again at 5.3 and by 5.10 he had pretty much sussed it, was reading fluently by Y1. Much easier when they want to do it and are ready.

DD similar. Learnt a bit in nursery/Summer hols age 4.5. Then just treaded water for a while. Now she's 5.3 and something has clicked. She wants to do it, she loves it and has made a lot of progress, a real leap.

If you have to read a bit for school then just do a bit, but enjoy reading to him, that's the important bit.

Grittzio Thu 20-Feb-14 22:50:12

Sometimes if my daughter is reluctant to read, we share the book, she reads a page, I read a page, she loves doing this especially the boring school books she gets sent home with. Also I think it helps her as I am able to empathise expression which she copies.

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