Dd upset again - don't know what to make of this ....(11 Posts)
Anyone? I really don't know what to make of this.
My dd is 5 and is in reception at quite a high achieving school. She has an older brother aged 9 who has ASD. They get on very well and she protective of him but it's quite full on at home.
She's always been extremely confident. Very happy, not at all clingy. She started school in September and I had absolutely no concerns, I thought she'd flourish.
Since then, she's becoming increasingly withdrawn. She's very much in her shell now. When I help out in school, she's usually head down, clinging to me, never opens her mouth when 12 months ago she would have been the first to speak up. She always getting hurt in the playground - three head injuries in one week a couple of weeks ago. She often comes out of school upset. She did again today and last week she was crying so much so was hyperventilating - something to do with a water bottle apparently. I've written to school to express my concerns and I've spoken to the teacher but she's none the wiser and says they'll monitor the situation. I've spoken to dd. She says she doesn't like school, learning is boring, her friends won't play with her and she cries at playtime. I've asked her if she'd like to come to another school and she says 'if you want me to I will'. Recently she did a dancing show at the local theatre - she was so happy afterwards, it was wonderful to see, it was like having my old dd back again. It made me realise how much she'd changed.
Should I move her? Shes such a bright girl and I hate seeing her crushed like this. Or am I over reacting? Trouble is I'm on antidepressants, so I know my judgement isn't always right. I'm not very confident or decisive myself. DH doesn't know what to make of it either but he agrees that she's changed. Any advice? What do you think? Thanks
Oh dear. Poor dd and you. Does she like the other children? Was she an a pre-school or nursery or anything before?
Yes, she was at the preschool and school nursery. She was fine, bored if anything. She has some friends but no close friends .....
The wee soul - she sounds lovely. . I'm sad for you both.
What about a meeting with the head teacher? These head injuries are worrying and I would expect the school to be able to explain very clearly what's happened re that. As part of that meeting, you can discuss matters generally and get a feel for how the school is going to deal with things going forward. If I wasn't satisfied though, I would definitely look at moving her
I wouldn't move school until you can get to the bottom of the problem, for example, if she is actually struggling with something like phonics, then hat won't change. if she is struggling with particular children, then that would.
I think I would ask for a meeting with the teacher, not a quick word at the end of the day, but time to sit down, outline your concerns as you have told us and ask what strategies the school can use. If she is very unhappy, getting hurt, getting very distressed, and this is all the opposite to how she was at pre-school, the they should take notice.
I think 3 head injuries on one week is concerning, they may be accidental, but accidents happen more often when children are not properly supervised. It may be that the children are a bit wild at playtime, and she is scared, the school needs to address that.
Do you think it could be bullying? The injuries are a worry, and the general change in how she is. Maybe try to draw her out a bit more (gently) on what is wrong, how she got hurt etc?
I would agree with talking to the teacher, as well.
Bullying? Sounds very like how my DS was at the same age. He changed completely on going into reception. We couldn't get to the bottom of his behaviour changes and school weren't helpful. Eventually we moved him because it was the only option left. Overnight the issues vanished, and only about 6 months later was he able to tell us about the bullying that had been going on in his old school.
actually I have been thinking about your post.
You have spoken to teacher and written in and they haven't really picked up on it?
Time to be much clearer about your concerns, and ask for an action plan. Then after the meeting, send an email to teacher Ms X care of school email address, or write a letter (keep a copy) saying
thank you for our meeting yesterday, just to confirm school will be doing x and y, and we will review in 1 month time.
It is the injuries and the distress out of proportion to the incident which are concerning.
If a child is getting injured regularly, even if they are not on purpose, then the school MUST step up to the mark and look at what is going on at those times, eg tidy up time, disorganised, too chaotic, child gets hurt. Or outdoor play, a few children are allowed to rule the playground by running and other get knocked over. These are safeguarding issues, and I think you can say nicely to the school that 3 injuries in one week does make you concerned for their safeguarding practice. Also
I would say that you are wondering if she is being bullied.
I guess what I am saying is, no this is not right, and I want to encourage you to have the confidence to be firm and persistent, and don't be fobbed off, they need to have an action plan, not just a sympathetic ear.
I don't think your over reacting at all, it sounds like something is going at school whatever that something is.
I would also be trying to get to the bottom of it.
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