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DS Year 3 Social Problems

(7 Posts)
spudpudding Mon 10-Feb-14 11:21:58

Any advice we have on-going social problems, with my son who is in year 3. The head has said that there is a known problem with year 3 boys, they are always falling out.

I think that I need to make him a bit more resilient, as he reacts easily to anything. Have told him to ignore name calling, but is hard as he naturally reacts and also think it is good to stick up for yourself?

Have been in today as on Friday, they were asked to make up a character and write about it. 2 boys he sits with wrote about a someone with DS name and made up lots of horrible things, this upset him. Also being told to work in 2's but child sat next to DS wants to work with another boy sat at the table, so being left on his own.

Think that ultimately need to change school, but any advice in meantime would be appreciated. Tend to do a friend for tea when he is struggling and this seems to help! Wondered when they tend to form proper friendships?? is this older?? help!

MillyMollyMama Mon 10-Feb-14 12:37:35

If the school know there are problems with the year 3 boys, what is the school doing about it? Surely the teacher could see your DS was working on his own? What did he/she do about it? Did the teacher read the stories the other boys wrote? Why did she think they used your DS's name? I would see the teacher immediately and try and get some answers to the above questions, rather than statement of facts (ie they know about the problem). I would also ask your DS if he told the teacher what they boys were doing if the teacher was not aware of the issue Did his partner move to make a group of 3? Why did he not say to the teacher that they had used his name in their stories?

However, your DS would be better off not reacting, especially if this leads to a fight. Although it is not acceptable that he is provoked in the first place. In a classroom setting this can definitely be checked upon by the teacher and they have a duty of care towards your son whilst he is in the school. What are they doing to ensure he is treated fairly in the classroom? I hope you get some satisfactory answers. If not, I would definitely change school.

spudpudding Mon 10-Feb-14 13:29:08

thanks for that, when I went in to see the teacher this morning she had read the stories and was going to speak to the class today as a lot of this had happened! I told her that the 2 boys had carried this on in the playground, and asked her to speak to them as this sometimes makes a big difference I think (instead of a general approach). Apparently she had said you could work in pairs or alone, not sure this is the best way forward for 7/8 year olds! I did say that he would like a partner and can she find him one please!

There are a couple of boys who seem to have created a general nastiness that has spread through the group. I think that DS has stopped telling staff if he is unhappy and only told me when questioned, as he has been having nightmares. This is due to comments at school like go and play with someone else and being a tell tale! have mentioned this.

Just wondered if anyone has any advice as he needs to buddy up with one or two good mates, and this hasn't happened yet. He tends to focus in on one child and then gets upset if they tell him to go away etc. and then is a bit lost as to who to play with. His friend from nursery is in the year below and so not in his class / playground.

I think that the school need to do a bit more to encourage the right atmosphere and behaviour, but easy for me to say. I am keeping a record of when things happen. If anyone has experienced anything similar advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

DeWe Mon 10-Feb-14 14:11:10

I'd just like to say that children always tend to use names of their formmates, and choosing one for a "nasty" character doesn't mean they don't like them.
I have on the fridge a character description of a "nasty wicked witch" which dd2 wrote at about that age. The name she used was a child she was friendly with.

With dd1, her best friend was in a different form in year 3, and the teacher noticed that she would look immediately upset and stressed if he said "choose a partner". So he got round it by always allocating partners, and he said that took the stress out of children feeling they weren't chosen.

MillyMollyMama Mon 10-Feb-14 18:46:58

I do second the idea of the teacher being proactive with sorting out the work buddies if there is an obvious problem brought to their attention. The teacher is also being sensible in speaking to the class as upset is easily avoided. However, your DS will have to develop more resilience or he will continue to be singled out. Not fair, but children are not fair!

Regarding play, I think it is more difficult. I would not be thinking a child from nursery is particularly relevant now and he does need friends in his own year group. Can you invite a suitable boy, or two or three, round to play or go out for a treat? To football or some other activity? Does your DS join in with clubs that the other boys go to, eg sport or Cubs? This would help with friendships which would be very beneficial to him. My DD was rather upset when her chosen children were not too bothered about her. She learnt that pleasant children were the best ones to go for and not necessarily the most popular ones. Try and find out which children might be suitable as friends. He cannot spend all his school time alone.

spudpudding Tue 11-Feb-14 09:39:05

Thanks, I do have a friend round when he is unsettled. I seem to remember when I was at school it was always work in 2/3's and that was always ok. Have mentioned this now so will see what happens.

As for making him more resilient not sure what to do, we have spoken about this and tried to give him suggestions, ie ignore, or say whatever. If you have a sensitive child, it is difficult!? Hopefully he will learn to cope and make the right choices, but he is one of the younger ones, so that is also a factor. He is generally a happy child, so it is awful to see him like this.

lljkk Tue 11-Feb-14 19:59:17

I have an oversensitive & generally miserable child, sorry! "He's so insecure he panics about everything" insightfully proclaimed his older brother.

But good luck with yours.

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