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Wondering whether to raise this or not?

(19 Posts)
Theresadogonyourballs Mon 10-Feb-14 09:15:47

Didn't fancy AIBU as not brave enough!!
DD is in Reception. On Friday we received a note in her book bag inviting parents to come to the school the following Thurs to watch the children present the work they have been doing. This is to take place in the middle of the afternoon. Lovely idea.
Except, DH and I both work full time. DH has a job where he cannot leave the site during his working hours, and I work over an hours' drive away, (and also cannot leave, unless an emergency, or pre booked in advance).
So, we have had less than a weeks' notice of this presentation. There is no way either DH or I can attend, as that is simply not enough notice for either of our employers, I am quite pissed off to be honest, (and it's not the first time they've done something like this). I feel that they are not being at all considerate of working parents, probably because we are somewhat in the minority; most families there seem to have the mum at home.
So I am wondering whether to raise this, or just accept it and explain to DD why we cannot be there. She is going to be upset naturally. Are we being unreasonable though, or do all schools just tend to arrange things to suit the majority?
Am prepared to be told IABU!
Thanks for reading :-)

pussycatdoll Mon 10-Feb-14 09:18:06

I wouldn't raise it tbh
They'll be other children with no parents there & the teachers will be aware of it

Theresadogonyourballs Mon 10-Feb-14 09:18:13

Sorry, just to clarify - I have no objection to these things taking place at the time they do, just think that more notice than 4 working days would be nice!

pussycatdoll Mon 10-Feb-14 09:19:11

An evening thing wouldn't work for many anyway because of lack of babysitters for you get siblings
You can book another time to view your children's work if you want to

Theresadogonyourballs Mon 10-Feb-14 09:20:10

Sorry pussycatdoll, cross posted, thanks for your reply. I agree, there may be one or two others. Hopefully DD will be ok with it.

DustyBaubles Mon 10-Feb-14 09:22:53

It won't be a big deal. It's just a casual invitation to view the work at a time when it's convenient for the school to have parents in the classroom.

I'd imagine that the majority of parents will be at work, or have other children or commitments, so there are not likely to be many there.

I doubt it's the kind of thing they'd expect anyone to take time off work for, so 4 days notice is OK really.

Theresadogonyourballs Mon 10-Feb-14 09:25:39

I am over reacting aren't I! Working parent guilt! wink

nonicknameseemsavailable Mon 10-Feb-14 09:27:47

I suppose it depends how much notice they give of other things like that.

by that I mean that we get notice on the term planner of class assembly that we are invited to attend which is the main parent invite event. Odd other things (which I can actually only think of 1 in the whole of last year) do come home with about a weeks notice.

Lots of people send a grandparent or noone in their place and I think that is just the way it is if parents are both working.

If there is bad communication/notice in general then perhaps you could just have a quiet word with the teacher saying that you were very disappointed that you weren't able to attend because you have to give 2 weeks notice to work for time off but you would have liked to come. no need to make a big thing of it but it might mean that next year they could try to warn a little bit earlier.

I am a stay at home mum and to be honest 4 or 5 days notice doesn't mean I am automatically free because I have other commitments too so it isn't some sort of witch hunt against working parents.

manchestermummy Mon 10-Feb-14 09:29:50

I agree with you: our school does similar things. They tell you the date, but never, ever the time.

The point the OP is making is that she'd be able to go if she'd had enough notice, and four days isn't enough notice if you need to book time off work: myself and DH are in exactly the same position, and it was only by virtue of the Christmas show being on one of my days off that I was able to go. If you're working, even part-time, it's easy to feel a little distanced from the whole process of school. You sometimes don't get the chit-chat in the playground; you might not even see your child interracting with others.

I would raise it.

Theresadogonyourballs Mon 10-Feb-14 09:36:19

Thank you for all your repliessmile. Manchester mummy has expressed it better than me! I think I may just drop it in to conversation with her teacher about being disappointed etc. Thanks again all thanks.

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM Mon 10-Feb-14 10:29:47

So, we have had less than a weeks' notice of this presentation

Even Mums at home have prior engagements and all sorts of things on which means anything short notice is also not easy for them/

Yes I would raise it in some way..

No one likes short notice things

DeWe Mon 10-Feb-14 11:08:54

Are we being unreasonable though, or do all schools just tend to arrange things to suit the majority?

Of course they're going to arrange these things to suit the majority. Not sure what else you'd expect.

Evening things I would hate. You have to either bring along siblings (younger ones you have to watch so can't concentrate on the work, older ones being bored and going to chat with their old teachers, winding up parents who wish to speak with the teachers) or find babysitters.
Plus I have evening committments-telling your older one they can't go to their activity because of something like this rarely goes down well.
Then we have at the younger age they're too tired to do things after school. Ds is year 2 and it's only this year he's been up to doing anything in the evening. he'd have hated to have to come back in the evening.

And also the teacher probably want to get home and not spend the evening telling you how wonderful your dc are. grin

You may find it's the sort of thing that happens every year, and you will know another time. I'd mention to the school that it would be easier to arrange if they gave you more notice, that is perfectly reasonable.

allyfe Mon 10-Feb-14 11:55:38

I think that you should raise it. Your complaint isn't so much the timing, which is understandable considering the children are presenting their work, but the lack of notice so that you can't try to arrange time off work to be able to attend. Not everyone can ever attend these things, BUT, the school should be considerate in their planning. And to be honest, I'd be surprised if the school hadn't planned it rather more than a week before (but then I'm not a teacher, so maybe I'm wrong).

Enb76 Mon 10-Feb-14 12:02:29

I think the school my child goes to is quite good at this. They do this kind of stuff first thing in the morning, so even parents who work can perhaps be half an hour late for work rather than take a whole afternoon off and the whole term's activities are sent out in a calendar before term even begins. It sounds like bad planning on the part of your school.

MumbleJumbles Mon 10-Feb-14 12:10:37

I would definitely raise it with the school if I were you - not the timing of the actual thing, but more the advance warning (or lack of). If you do it in a nice way (eg not all shirty/ pissed off) and just email the head teacher to explain you'd really love to attend these things but just need more notice than 4 working days, i'm sure school would take that into account in future. 'cc' in the school secretary (because, at the end of the day, she is the one sending out the school notices / newsletters etc).

Sorry you'll miss this one, but hopefully the school will be better prepared in the future to give plenty of notice so you can make it.

practicallyperfectornot Mon 10-Feb-14 12:18:48

thanks Just reassure your Dd that you really want to look at her work (that would be my main concern too), and ask CT if you can rearrange to go in after school another day.

I do see where your coming from about the short notice, I am a SAHM but I still detest things being arranged with such short notice but saying that I like to be prepared well in advance...........in fact about 4 weeks in advance! smile

So long as your Dd knows it isn't because you don't care I'm sure she will be ok.

MillyMollyMama Mon 10-Feb-14 13:19:14

Could a grandparent go instead?

Some schools manage to give out newsletters at the start of term with important dates on them. Or every half term. Maybe you could suggest this to the school. We had class assemblies with parents invited but I had plenty of notice as the date was well flagged up in a letter. Also parents' evenings, school concerts, European Evening, sports day, curriculum evenings, SATs info evenings and various PTA events. They do know when events are planned! It is just poor communication. The only one with little notice was a meeting about the Ofsted report.

Theresadogonyourballs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:40:12

No grandparents nearby unfortunately. I will definitely mention it casually to her teacher - she's really nice and hopefully won't take offence! Luckily my lovely CM, who has a child in DD's class, is going to make a fuss of DD and admire her work too - she's amazing thanksthanks!
Big thanks to everyone else who's posted smile

newbieman1978 Mon 10-Feb-14 14:16:28

You'll probably find that if the school has to give lots of notice for this type of thing they just won't do it at all.

Ad hock inviting parents in to look at work or a little peformance is done with short notice because the teacher knows they will be ready for the date. If they had to give lots of notice(maybe before the work has started) the pressure on the teacher and children would be counter productive.

Also you have to realise this may just be a case of the teacher thinking the class has done some particularly nice work this last coulpe of weeks and wouldn't be nice if the parents came in to see it.

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