Following on from all the helpful guidance given to me in this thread. I am posting DD's next piece of writing. Until last week she'd written nothing at home since the last piece a couple of months ago. Would anyone be kind enough to level again, or just say if it confirms the first views. I actually prefer the previous story but how does this compare level wise?
More than anything though what would be the targets for DD to work on. Â I'm thinking openings (she's used quite a few thens) connectives, adjectives and different ways to say 'said' - she's attempted it here although hasn't quite got it! Oh and I mean doing the above by simply drawing her attention to good examples in the stories she / we read, not through more writing - unless she's inspired to write more herself, she's just started keeping a completely shared "secret" diary under her pillow (sooo sweet, sorry I know I shouldn't but it just IS so sweet). Â 
Presumably it's way to early to be pointing out paragraphs?
Spellings and punctuation all verbatim, although she noticed that bacame and everywun didn't look right and asked, which is why they are then correct further on. She asked for help spelling lightening (I needed to mention the e as she pronounces it lightning she then she sounded out the rest), and world. Everything else was sounded out independently.
One fine morning a prince and princess woke up. Â They were very ixcited because they were going to the beach. When they reached the beach a brite light apeared. "It's a fairy!" everywun shouted. The queen said "I wish I could have peas and quiet" and everything bacame quiet. The king said "I wish for fun and games" and everyone startied playing. Then the prince and princess said "we wish for all the sweet things in the world." In a clap of thunder everything was made of choclates and sweets. Then all the children on the beach started stuffing thair faces with choclate and sweets. Sudnly all the children became sick! Then all the children said "my tummy hurts" they wined. In a flash of lightening the fairy apaered. "I will make you better" she said. Then everything went back to the begining.
Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.
Primary education
Help levelling this writing please #2
writingblues · 29/01/2014 22:19
Ha ha DD has thankfully inherited DH's spelling abilities! As you can see mine are dire 
(must remember to keep dictionary on hand at all times)!
Rue - thank you your thoughts are helpful as you have a definite level for comparison.
Thank you juniper, the levelling art seems complex and mysterious to me so I am strongly swayed by my enjoyment of the funny images the first story evokes. She told me a while later when we reread the story one day that she meant parrot fish not pirate fish, which obviously makes much more sense. She loves Octonauts and has a head full of all sorts of creatures. I'm so pleased, however, that you think the second story is stronger.
Thank you also junkfood. I'm not sure if DD is quite ready for the level of structure you mention and in my mind it would fit with the idea of paragraphs and planning things out a bit (or am I being daft)??? Then again I think it would help DD if I modelled the 5 parts to a story idea myself - I know she'd love it if I wrote a story for her, especially if I typed it with different coloured text for each section 
Both pieces are written in fairly neat, mostly small(ish), joined up writing. The second has noticably smaller writing, although the words tend to get larger as she gets tired & again she wrote this on two separate occasions. She was very happy to proof read her work and self corrected two missing capital letters.
Juniper and empty, thank you both so much. The post it note idea is great!
Funnily enough she's written another story tonight, or rather she wrote out a story at home that she'd written at school and, it turns out, knows by heart (long story, won't bore you) It has a title "The Lost Swan".
One fine morning a fairy woke up. When she woke up her swan was gone. "Where has my swan gone" said the fairy. So she set off on her jouney. She kept waking [walking] until she came to a dark and damp and scairy wood. She took one step in then stoped. A big monster came out of the darkness. Just in the nick of time the foriest fairys came to help. They punched the monster and he fell over. Then the swan apeared. She grabed her swan they had a big party and she felt very happy.
Also from the school bag this poem, which she wrote and then typed and printed:
Swirling snowflakes in the sky,
Naughty children make snow angels
Objects flying about!
Wild winter winds in the snow.
I felt bad because I didn't think DD had written it herself partly due to the correct spellings. However she assured me she had written it and had then had help with the spellings when typing out her hand written version.
I know that levelling needs to include different sorts of writing, and I know that DD can do lists with commas or bullets and can label a picture quite happily but other than that and the above I'm not sure if she done anything else.
Whatever the case I am over the moon at how far she's come and that despite still finding the writing part laborious and time consuming she's got an endearing (well to me at least ) creative streak.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.