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Do you lie to parents about DCs progress?

(99 Posts)
TheNightIsDark Mon 13-Jan-14 22:52:42

Bit of an odd one. DS is 4.9. Homework on Friday- 2 reading books, key words, tally chart of 3D objects and putting 3 sentences in correct order.

Lots of the parents are complaining that their DCs found it too difficult and couldn't do it. I've found myself nodding along and saying DS did too. He actually walked through it I just had to show him a tally chart was lines for each one not writing 1,2,3 etc.

I feel a bit like I'm betraying him. He's in no way gifted, he just picks things up easily but admitting that at the gates would sound boastful. It probably does here tbh blush

Do I keep pretending he's not getting it if the others aren't? Or just stay quiet?

TheNightIsDark Tue 14-Jan-14 20:00:27

shock the teacher showed everyone the levels?!

DS was asking tonight why he couldn't go up to red books. I just gave him a level 3 ORT and he seemed happy enough. Other days he couldn't give a hoot about doing anything.

Could the homework be linked to he curriculum changes? I assumed it was preparing them for next year but one of the other mums said her yr2 child has only just done tally charts!

DoItTooJulia Tue 14-Jan-14 20:01:59

Oh and the TheNightIsDark, I would totally not worry about the school reading bands and his books. Do your own thing at home, read with him, give him access to a range of books (as Im Sure you do already!) and that's where his reading skills will come from, honestly.

I gave up with school reading schemes, now dd is in Y4 she reads the books out of courtesy, but will read 6 long chapter books a week from home, (costs me a fortune in kindle books) You also get to choose what they get. Most school books are boring and stale and just not interesting enough! (Imo)

TheNightIsDark Tue 14-Jan-14 20:05:38

grin I've been collecting books for the DCs so they have a nice selection from across genres. They all love books which is good. DS likes non fiction at the moment so I read those with him and he'll ask what words say.

He was scaring DP earlier with the key words. DP was shoring DS a word for half a second and covering it whilst DS just went "school", "play", "have" etc in a rather bored manner.

I'll keep giving him a variety of books at home and let the school do their thing.

I'll fight the urge to be that parent who prints off the 100 high frequency words and highlights what her DS knows. I will also fight the urge to put it in his bookbag

DoItTooJulia Tue 14-Jan-14 20:05:59

Cross post!

She didn't actually show them the levels exactly, they were just there for everyone to see IYSWIM?

Euthah Tue 14-Jan-14 20:24:51

I still think two books is too many. If you can read, it's not a problem, but then nor is it educationally valuable. If you can't read, and the books are at the right level, reading them is quite hard, and you'd be better reading one book twice I'd imagine.

It just reads to me as homework set without much thought for what benefit it might bring, which given that it seems to have been set not because the school wanted to but because some parents wanted it to be set is perhaps not surprising.

Also, as other have said, reading scheme books are dull. I don't think Dd has read more than 4 or 5 since September.

columngollum Tue 14-Jan-14 20:42:58

Eutah, I don't think reading scheme books are supposed to be approached as proper story books. They're dull for educational reasons! They're supposed to have lots of reading theory incorporated into them. (Whether or not you actually believe that is another matter entirely.) But anyway, supposing that either you believe it, or you're willing to go along with it in order not to rock the boat, then you read them dutifully and sign the reading diary.

My hope is that reading them helps someone in the school somewhere (maybe the teacher and the literacy coordinator) even if the books don't actually help my daughter.

simpson Tue 14-Jan-14 22:01:35

The relationship between DD and reading scheme books is finally over!!

<<does happy dance>>

TheNightIsDark Tue 14-Jan-14 22:13:47

envy simpson grin

headinhands Tue 14-Jan-14 22:19:53

It's never struck me as overly important what band/colour my child is on at school. Reading is a whole life skill, not a school skill. Getting stressed about the possibility that your dc might be on a level too easy is stress wasted.

Imagine that HV's came and assessed your toddlers for walking levels every few weeks. Even if they said 'oh your dc is a level 3' which you deemed technically lower than where your dc was functionally then so what? You're dc isn't only walking in front of the HV so where the HV pegs them isn't going to matter too much.

Similarly there are ample opportunities for your dc to read outside of their scheme at school and it would be apparent quite quickly if your dc was given a band considerably below their ability. If it's a bit below it's not an issue. Actually better below than above, that can really put them off.

simpson Tue 14-Jan-14 22:30:04

Headinhands - totally agree, the books DD was getting were so below what she reads (and understands) at home it was a joke.

But finally the school have realised this and have given her an appropriate book.

If it was just a couple of levels, I would have dropped it and done my own thing (as we have been doing).

To me its more important for my DD to have a book that she wants to read and will enjoy rather then scheme books.

OwlCat Tue 14-Jan-14 22:33:56

My DC is very advanced at reading and top of her reception year of 60, even though she coudn't read before school and is late summer born. I'm pleased for her because she was late to walk, jump, etc compared to other children and I think that the reading is good for her confidence as she has found something that she's good at. Parents at her school don't appear to be competitive but I would still never discuss where she is at unless I was asked specifically. The only person I've actually discussed it with is a friend whose DC of the same age is at a different school and is way ahead of my DC, as I felt that I wouldn't be perceived as boasting!

Euthah Wed 15-Jan-14 08:15:39

I guess by your logic though, OwlCat there will be some parents who can't discuss progress with anyone without lying or being seen as boasting.

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 15-Jan-14 09:13:06

I have never discussed it with anyone so much so even my ExH, her Daddy doesn't realise just how bright she is.
At parents evening last year three teachers said to me ' you are aware she really is very bright' - Umm yes who do you think talks to her about mitochondria etc.

Frusso Wed 15-Jan-14 09:22:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

columngollum Wed 15-Jan-14 09:30:55

I agree that the difference between school and home books can be huge. But some teachers are saying the difference is supposed to be like that.

I guess the argument centres around what "supposed" actually means.

MoominMammasHandbag Wed 15-Jan-14 09:42:29

My DS is a very bouncy, rumbustious, scruffy, smiley boy. He is also very bright. Him and his best friend, who is a gentle, studious little lad, are way ahead of the rest of the class, in a very high achieving middle class school.
Because he doesn't fit the stereotype I don't think lot's of the other parents realised he'd was bright for a long time. Then I got the odd comment after play dates, about his reading level, because his book had apparently slipped out of his reading bag. hmm

TheNightIsDark Wed 15-Jan-14 09:43:25

Frusso I'll stop fighting it then grin

It's DS who keeps asking me about books and levels. I might just ask the teacher what they need to do to move up and mention he's asked.

Iamnotminterested Wed 15-Jan-14 10:34:42

I discuss my DCs with one friend, good or bad, warts and all, successes and concerns. We have oldest DCs in the same year at secondary school and younger ones at primary. She knows that if I mention something about DD2 its with genuine surprise as DDs progress and attainment shocks me frankly, she'll be starting on level 6 literacy work soon and she's only in year 5. I do, however, steer clear of FaceBook and all the associated pitfalls of trumpeting about your offspring on there.

SlightlyTerrified Wed 15-Jan-14 12:44:32

People are crazy when it comes to children's levels etc. My friend's DS is in the same class as mine and she lies about where her child is in the class and what reading level he is just to get me to tell her what my DS is doing. I have posted about her before and I got flamed but she is actually crazy about it all and getting worse.

leolion Wed 15-Jan-14 14:05:52

Stealth boast thread or what?!! You poor people with your 'very bright' children and their not so bright classmates. Amazed at how all the people on this thread seem to be offering advice to the op but slipping in 'my child is very bright too' nonsense. Are there any 'average' kids in the world anymore?

SlightlyTerrified Wed 15-Jan-14 14:17:43

leolion that is compeltely unfair, people are sympathising and giving advice as they have been in the same or similar position. This is the sort of comment that always happens on these threads and turns it a bit nasty. Unnecessary in this situation I think.

I cannot help having a bright child but I also have a pretty average one too who I think is awesome. I also use my experiences with him on MN and if you are on MN regularly you will know that there is a wide range of experiences and levels of children talked about on here.

columngollum Wed 15-Jan-14 14:20:03

I can't really understand leolion's problem. How does it help to reply, no, I don't have to lie; my daughter's stupid?

leolion Wed 15-Jan-14 14:30:40

Apologies if my post seems harsh. Just get fed up of these first world problems. Slightlyterrified-you say that people are just coming on here to sympathise. There is nothing to sympathise about, this is a complete non- issue. I think the op knows what the 'right' and gracious thing is to do in this situation, without having to ask.

I shall slope off now......Didn't mean to be nasty.

Huitre Wed 15-Jan-14 14:37:13

How is it a non-issue? Sadly, the culture in schools generally is such that if your child happens to be doing especially well (possibly without much particular input from the parent), other parents somehow see this as a threat or think you are doing their child down in some way by admitting to it. It does feel horrible when you have to minimise your child's achievements and sort of pretend that they're not really doing as well as they are. Yes, of course you do not have a problem compared to someone who is worrying that their child is falling behind. But that doesn't mean it's a total non-issue. It can be very embarrassing and if you don't think on your feet quickly it's useful to have some stock responses ready so you don't end up saying something that you may later regret.

TheNightIsDark Wed 15-Jan-14 14:49:32

Actually Leo my DD is average. I did also say several times in no way do I think DS is gifted. He just has a good memory and enjoys maths weirdo

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