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My child is being bullied and threatend by another parent on school grounds/property and head teacher is not doing anything

(70 Posts)
honestyismybond1 Mon 16-Dec-13 23:31:14

Ok trying to stay calm! My child goes to an amazing school where for 5 years we have never had one single problem with any other child,parent or staff.I know we have been very lucky.Sadly a fellow parent who joined the school later on has a daughter in the same class.To put it kindly this parent has a very aggresive nature but daughter is pretty harmless.Many parents have warned me about this parent and requested to move class just to avoid her.I should have listerned but we had not had any direct problems.My child used to have speech problems but they went several years ago.Anyway one night last week my D came out of school white as a sheet,shaking with distorted speech.This disgusting parent had gone into the cloak room screaming at my D and pointing in her face backing her up against the wall.
I took my D straight to see the head who was'nt around so advised see the morning.I sent a very blunt but polite email to the head asking for serious action.Head replied saying would be speaking to the crazy mum and telling her she would be banned if this ever happend again.I went to see him in person and thought I was in the twilight zone.Head totally played it down saying we all get a bit stressed at Xmas!When I brought up previous agression issues parent has had with others that I & many other had witnessed he acted like I was agressive one for bringing it up.I asked if he could stop parent coming into contact with my d who is scared stiff of her and he said he would try!Crazy parent now pushes past my child everyday and stands in cloakroom fixated on my child.No parents are even ment to go in there.This parent now travels out if her way to go the same route as us to school.I have explained all this to head.but all he says is I will talk to her! My D loves school and has always been so happy is now beging me not to go into school.Head says unless Crazy mum admits it he can not do a thing.So many children placed her there who head as spoken to! I feel so useless!

my2bundles Tue 17-Dec-13 13:07:17

I would be contacting the police today.

SauceForTheGander Tue 17-Dec-13 13:13:21

I would do everything by email and get a diary to record all previous meetings, events and outcomes. Also tell the head of he's too busy and Xmas is too stressful then fine but he's left you with no recourse but to escalate to governors and police.

What does form teacher say?

By the time i found out about it it was too late to report a nursery worker assault on my DS. That was 8 years ago and I can still feel furious ab

gamerchick Tue 17-Dec-13 13:16:13

There's no way I would be letting my kid go in there alone. The only way if you're not willing to ring the police is to front her out.

Practice your hard glare in the mirror.. go in with your child and physically see her to the class. Do it everyday and see what happens.

Iris445 Tue 17-Dec-13 13:55:57

I would be pushing this to the governors to deal with. Go back to the head to make a formal complaint ask for a witness, make it as serious as you can.
Quote the safeguarding issue and make it very clear that if they do not stop this parent going into school from tomorrow you will be calling the police and ofsted. Also make it clear that if she starts in the playground you will expect her banned from the grounds.

Your most important job as a parent is to keep your child safe. She's not safe.

Don't speak to the parent it won't end well.

tinytalker Tue 17-Dec-13 14:51:08

Definitely put your case in writing to the Head and send a copy to the Governors, showing at the bottom of the letter that you have cc'd them in.
DO NOT confront the parent! You will then be tarred with the same brush! Go through the proper channels and make the school do something about it or it will escalate outside of school.

Leeds2 Tue 17-Dec-13 15:21:06

I wonder if the Head is scared of her.

mercibucket Tue 17-Dec-13 15:37:43

if she is following you, I would involve the police
if she touched your daughter, I would involve the police
can you arrange to start school early and go through another door so there is no chance of further trouble?

why did the woman fixate on your daughter btw? is there any 'reason'?

pixiepotter Tue 17-Dec-13 16:28:02

Hang on we are only getting half a story here.Why was the parent shouting at your DD? She must think your DD has done something to her child.

columngollum Tue 17-Dec-13 16:29:23

It doesn't matter what the daughter did, does it. Barging in shouting at a child isn't the way forward.

MrsCakesPremonition Tue 17-Dec-13 16:31:26

I almost don't care what the provocation was (if it existed at all) - an adult who accesses school premises in order to intimidate a child needs to be dealt with quickly and firmly by the HT. The behaviour is unacceptable whatever the circumstances.

fromparistoberlin Tue 17-Dec-13 16:34:18

I'd try one last time then involve police

or I'd fucking say something to the parent, warn them off. If you ever even fucking LOOK at my kid again....I will involve every leagl measure known to man to get a restraining order to prevent you coming 10 metres from my child

sorry thats really un PC behaviour but sometimes needs must

columngollum Tue 17-Dec-13 16:34:37

And look at the effects that it has had on the OP's daughter. The quicker the mad screaming minnie gets sorted out the better for everybody.

fromparistoberlin Tue 17-Dec-13 16:35:04

do what iris 445 says, and ignore me. threads like this bring out the lion in me

columngollum Tue 17-Dec-13 16:36:44

But, fromparis, threatening people is almost never the way, unless it's a solicitor's letter. Verbal argie-bargie just adds bad crud to an already bad situation.

pixiepotter Tue 17-Dec-13 16:36:45

I am wondering whether the child has some physical or emotional need which is why the parent is allowed to accompany her into the changing room to make sure she is safe?

columngollum Tue 17-Dec-13 16:37:43

The mad screaming mother didn't sound very allowed to me. Sounds more like she just went it.

pixiepotter Tue 17-Dec-13 16:41:22

It is weird though that even after relating to the HT what happened , there are no staff posted there to prevent her or other parents coming in.
I would be interested to know what the mother actually said to OPs DD.She seems to have left that rather salient point out.

sparklysilversequins Tue 17-Dec-13 16:41:59

I would have been up in her face and if it lead to a fight then so be it with her by now blush though I am fully aware that is not the right way to go. You probably don't want to do that but my child would not be going anywhere unaccompanied while that parent was on school grounds.

MrsUptight Tue 17-Dec-13 16:46:47

I'm afraid I'd be working VERY hard to get this woman arrested for assaulting a minor OP...get on with it.

VivaLeBeaver Tue 17-Dec-13 17:43:48

Agree it doesn't matter one jot what the kid may or may not have done.

If you're pissed off with a child's behaviour at school you see the teachers and let them sort it. That's what sane, normal people do anyway.

There is no excuse for an adult screaming at a small child never mind pushing them.

admission Tue 17-Dec-13 18:27:12

Going after the parent will solve nothing, it is likely to aggravate the situation.
The two things that you can do, are firstly to accompany your child to the cloak room to ensure that there is no aggravation between other parent and your child and frankly to make sure that there is a viable complaint that this mother is going into the cloak room.
If it is clear that the other mother is going into the cloakroom, then secondly you have a legitimate complaint to be made to the head teacher about her being allowed in the cloak room - not about her antics, unless something else happens.
You need to put it in writing and say that it is an official complaint. You also need to establish what the schools complaints procedure says. I would expect it to say that the head teacher has to investigate any complaint and to come back to you in writing with an answer. The answer may well not say what you want it to say, that is the problem is sorted and the parent banned from the cloak room and/ or school. The reason for saying that is that the action between school and other mother is confidential to them, not you. There may be specific reasons why the mother is allowed in the cloak room or it could be that the school are in the process of banning the parent from the school or some kind of injunction involving the parent which you will not be and should not be privy too.
If you are not happy with the written explanation given by the head teacher then you an then escalate the complaint to the Chair of governors.

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 17-Dec-13 21:28:10

I agree with the posters who say not to confront this parent. You are wasting your breath. These type of people can not be reasoned with, all you will get is a barrage of abuse. She will justify her behaviour by throwing numerous accusations at your child. Regardless of what your child may or may not have done there is no excuse for her outrageous behaviour. Follow the official channels as others have suggested, the school have a duty of care towards your child.

We had a parent at our school who confronted every child her daughter fell out with. This was particularly alarming because the children were in year 6 and had no parent to stick up for them because they walked to and from school alone. Many complaints were made and the school actually prevented her from entering the playground. What the school were unable to stop was this woman harassing children on the walk home. Thankfully this parent was not violent but she was intimidating to 10/11 year olds.

honestyismybond1 Wed 18-Dec-13 06:36:38

Thank you all so much for the positive advice.I've not been able to update because i've non-stop been trying to get DD protected.Ok another main issue has now cropped up which explains the lack of action this crazy parent is new to this country and comes from a war torn country and has ISSUES! Crazy parent has let it be known wants to get me on my own to acuse me of racism I guess she is willing to throw this at the school too.A member of staff was placed on the cloakroom but CM still went in there now the HT is now guarding the cloakroom.Since HT is on the cloakroom CM does not go in there.Trust me it has taken every bit of will power I have not to confront her myself but trust me nothing productive would come from it and to honest im a very passive person.Sadly this CM has bullied many other parents and even a teacher but my DD seems to be the first child she has directly bullied.I have cobtacted every member of staff who come into contact with my child to see if DD did anything wrong to explain why DD was targeted by CM but every single person said DD is loving and kind and helps all of the xhildren including CM DD! Once I mentioned I would be contacting police (which I still will to get it logged) and community safety team (which I still might do) school took action and spoke to CM and she was firmly told not to enter cloak room but still did so now HT is on the door) it is early days yet but im taking no chances.I'm now there the second to gate opens to watch over DD and we had to drop out of after school clubs which angers me.If anybody out there is going through this you must must email everything fir records always mention this is a safeguarding issue.Most importantly you must stress the impaxt this is having on your child.My DD who has always loved school now does not want to go,has lack of sleep,keeps crying,very stressed,can't focus on school work.Good luck and my heart goes out to anybody going through this.Thank you all so much!

VivaLeBeaver Wed 18-Dec-13 06:39:39

I would still contact the police.

If this mum still tried to get into the cloakroom after been told not to then it shows she has no respect for the authority of the teachers. She will keep this up. The HT will get bored of been cloakroom monitor and you'll be back at square one. She's assaulted your dd.

honestyismybond1 Wed 18-Dec-13 06:52:11

Hi yes you are right a HT can not continue to do this forever.I rang them and got a crime number but must wait to be contacted to give a statement.Just say huge thank you to you for such fantastic indepth advice.THANK YOU

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